Depths of Dispair
by Forfun100
Summary: Long ago, before Katniss and Peeta were even born. In a world new to the Hunger Games there was a girl who changed the man we all thought to be drinking away the pain of the Games. Rated T because it's the Hunger Games for crying out loud!
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

_Yay! so guys this is my first Hunger Games fic! I couldn't wait to get started when a few friends of mine requested it. I understand that it's short but bear with me. It'll be good! Alright read it review it enjoy it thanks!_

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I'm nothing like most children my age. In fact I'm not their age at all, I won't age a day past sixteen. I will never have a care or worry.

Why? Because I won the Hunger Games. That's right I won the fifty first Hunger Games. How exactly? Well if you ask my 'parents' it's because of my wily personality. Because of my courage my drive to succeed. My will to live my love of life. My passion and whatever crap they can come up with.

If you ask my friends they'll tell you I'm agile. That I'm the fastest runner in my district. I'm sly and cunning. The boys will tell you that I was so beautiful the boys couldn't bear to ruin my face. At which point their girl friends will slap them senseless.

My teachers would say it was my quick sharp mind. Shopkeepers would say it's my compassion that through them off guard. People of the Capitol will tell you it was a given that I was just the only one who 'fit the bill' for victor my year.

My mentor and really the only one who mattered, would say that I had fire and drive. He would say I still had a hell of a ride in my life. His opinion was the only one that mattered to me though.

What, you may be asking now. What did you do? How did you win? What do you say made you win? Well I'll tell you I had no hope, because I didn't need it. I had no drive, no will, for I had no need for it. I knew from day one I was going to win.

How? Well because I'm one of the deadliest creatures on this planet.

What? You are asking by now. Well this is my story.


	2. Chapter 2 History Lessons

I wasn't always living in the districts. As a matter of fact there was a time when I didn't know what the districts were. Because as I said I'm one of the deadliest creatures on this earth. I am a siren, being half human, half fish I'm the most dangerous thing to roam the seas.

We are long forgotten by history we are called 'legendary creatures' and 'mythical' as much as we appreciate the secrecy of the unknown we are incredibly perturbed that only Greeks were wise enough to know of our existence.

Any way I'll describe our ways. My family is its own clan. My mother Iara is the leader of our clan she's the wises and most experienced. I have six sisters Kyla, the oldest she is also the child prodigy. Naida, the second oldest and the prettiest of us. Talise, the third oldest, and the smartest. Vailea the middle child and the most cunning of us. Yara, the third youngest and the most adorable. Maren, the second youngest the most best liar of the daughters. Then there's me Thalassa I'm the most adventurous.

Our clan is more recent we came into existence around seventeen thirty four. When my mother had Talise. A few facts about us. My mother has been alive for over four thousand years, though she never knew the first of our kind her mother did. The song we sing now has lured countless men and women to their deaths, we use the same song that has been used since the dawn of time.

I'll tell you this, if you are a woman and hear our song your ears will begin to bleed and our sound is the most terrifying thing in this world. However you're the lucky ones after a few minutes of unbearable torture you're end has met you.

If you are male, you find us completely and utterly intoxicating. Our breath, our bodies, our everything. Instantly falling in love with us. Our song is sweet and beautiful to you, until of course we-. Oh well you'll find out in due time what your end shall be.

Our appearance is simple and radiant. Our hair is almost impossible to cut. it is long when we are born and throughout our lives, it's sheer platinum in color, strait, and thin enough for light travel in water.

Our eyes are sparkling green and bright, or misty blue and mysterious. Our skin is pale green just enough to give a heavenly glow. Our faces are pure, light and beautiful, Free of any imperfections. We have been described in legends as bewitching.

Our bodies are bare in a simple state we have no need of worldly things such as cloths. Our tails shine like crystals. Green, or blue to match the color of our home on the rocky islands which we inhabit.

No how did I come to live in this world? Very simply really. When a ship is lured to it's rocky doom some of us take human form. Yes we can become humans, once a mother is carrying a child, she goes back into the ocean until the child will be born. She goes on to the island becomes a human for the birth and the child is born.

When a child is born it is almost a sickly green color and has human legs. But when it is placed in water she begins to breathe and opens her eyes.

Unlike human children a siren doesn't need to learn how to swim or walk. She can already do so. she can comprehend human speech. She can sing over time the child learns to speak and by the time she is six years old she has already developed every skill she will need and by sixteen she no longer ages.

All clans live on Islands similar to ours. It has a rocky outskirt and a small beach area. It has shallow waters throughout the Island, rivers that wind all over it. It's paradise for us, though other clans do not interact we do know that they are all over the seas.

A common misconception about us is that we are catty to one another. This is not true, we as a clan are a family and like any family we do fight but not often. There is no social status, only our mother she being our leader. Otherwise we are equals.

If one of us has three children we must begin our own clan. Which, while heartbreaking, is a great opportunity for any of us. That means that we can have one child and remain in the clan.

No to catch you up on where I was before I even knew of the districts. My family is quite worried for boats have become scarce over the years. We pick up our story to the turning point.

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_So what do you think? Sorry about this but there was just such a blank canvas for a mermaid race that I just wanted to outline how they as a species work and live. Thanks for reading!_


	3. Chapter 3 My Fate

"Daughters, I have come to a decision" My mother called us. We were home from our feeding early today which was very peculiar. "Take your brushes to the surface and we will discuss then" She swam out of the cavern we called home.

My sisters and I did not protest Naida took her mirror and all of our combs to the surface handing them out as we perched ourselves onto the rocks. I partnered off with Yara, she combed my hair back and decorated it with shells.

"We all know that there has been a shortage of sailors in the bay." Mother began to brush her own hair, "It has come to my attention that it is not just our clan. I fear that humans may have become extinct. So I purpose that we all go out into the ocean. We will have to look for humans and if they are not found and really are extinct well we'll have to alert the other clans. We all know that we as a species can survive without the help of human inter action but nonetheless that would mean our species could run its course."

We all sat in silence I couldn't believe what I was hearing, that humans could no longer be alive. That would mean we could no longer reproduce. I could hardly wrap my head around the idea.

That night we gathered what we could take, we searched ship wrecks to find anything to take the necessary items for travel. None of us slept that night no matter how Kyla soothed us telling us humans were still alive.

We were all afraid, this could mean the end of us as a race.

None the less morning came, mother wasted no time. We were told to hunt as we went along. As you could assume our day was boring full of blank ocean with only fish but no boats. No sign of humans, in fact it took us a week to reach any point in our search.

"Excuse me" My mother spoke up to a passing fish (_I forgot to tell you they can talk to fish being part fish... On with the story_)" Are we close to shore?"

"Very close ma'am dangerously close for your kind"

"What do you mean?"

"The humans of district four"

"Humans!" Vailea squealed, all of our hope had been returned. Humans were alive.

"Yes lass but you best be careful"

"Wait what are the districts?" Mother asked calming all of us.

"You haven't heard? Where have you been for the past thirty five years?"

"Across the sea" My mother said, "Please tell us what has happened?"

(_I just saved you from a hunger games history lesson... You're welcome_)

"A game... of killing?" My mother asked with a sly smile creeping on her face.

"Yes ma'am, anything else?"

"No thank you sir, I hope you have a safe journey through the sea." My mother said sending him on his way.

"Mother this is great! Humans are still in existence!" Maren smiled

"Yes Maren I heard," Mother turned to face us, "Girls I have an idea"

"What is it mother?" Yara asked.

"You heard what he said about these games. One of you girls will have to compete." We all gasped at the opportunity, "Girls listen to me, we shall send one of you into the human world and you shall play these games. It will be a great chance for one of you."

"But mother" Talise spoke up, " Won't it be suspicious if just a random teenage girl showed up and won the games? "

"Yes you're right Talise" Mother went over to her and put a hand on her cheek "So what do you suppose we do?"

"Why don't we..."

"Use a spell mother!" Maren said.

"What kind of spell?" She asked now making it apparent that she was giving a lesson.

"One to turn, one of us into a baby again" Kyla smiled.

"What would we do after we use the spell?"

"Leave the baby and lure a human to find her!" Yara smiled.

"And then?"

"She'll grow up again. She'll live a new life and win the games." I speak up.

"Very good Lassa" Mother swims to me.

"Then she could bear a child and return to the sea. To rejoin the family" I smile

"Excellent Lassa, you're quickly catching up with your sisters. I do believe that I have made a choice on who shall represent our clan." Mother smiled. "Thalassa are you up for the challenge"

"Yes mother" I smile.

"Mother?" Naida speaks up, "I think we should find another district."

"Why would we do that here she could learn to swim?" Mother say knowingly.

"Yes but if she is from another district than she'll be even more impressive among the humans" Naida smiles her perfect smile.

"That is very wise of you Nadia."

"Should we write all this down for Lassa? I mean since she'll be a child again won't she forget?" Talise speaks.

"No she will not forget not with the spell we'll use." Mother turns back to me, "Lassa I want you to go swim and adventure for a while leave us and hunt for yourself I believe it may be your last time"

"Yes mother" I obey and leave immediately.

"Now" Mother turned to my sisters. "We will remain here and 'celebrate' our discovery"

I roam the seas freely for more than an hour before returning to my mother.

"Lassa" My mother says swimming to me."Come I will tell you everything on the way,"

We start off on our way to my new home, "Lassa, when we reach the twelfth district I will say my spell and you will take the form of a new born human. You will not remember anything for the first three years of life. But when you do begin to have memories, you will remember our family.

"I want you to have no fear and be relentless in those games. I have no doubt you will return to us in time. I warn you do not stay in their world longer than forty years. Because as we know you will not age past sixteen."

"Aw and I wanted to seem like an ageless beauty" I giggle.

"You are my daughter" Mother laughs, "Be carefree have fun in your time in their world. When you return to us our clan may be bigger or smaller depending on how well your sisters fair on this raid."

We reach the banks of district twelve and I'm freezing. "Mother it's cold." I say in the dark of the sea.

"Yes dear I know, it won't always be this way." Mother turns me to face her, and even at night I can see her perfectly. "Thalassa, my youngest daughter, destiny is calling you. You belong to this world now. Do not be reluctant to love your new family. My daughter embrace the human world and return to your family in happiness."

"I love you mother" I hug her.

"I love you Lassa" She kisses the top of my head and holds me to her chest. "Thalassa are you ready?"

I look up to the stars and nod. "Yes"

"I evoke the long forgotten arts, to let me turn the tables of time" I see gold come up from the sea floor and it begins to swirl around me, "Change the fate of this young girl, send her back to times before" My tail is soon out of my sight. "Take her through the change, take her back to live new life."

I cannot see through the blinding gold light. I feel a shrinking and pain. Terrible awful pain, I want to cry out but my mother's voice sooths me. I feel every nerve in pain, I can feel pain but not once do I feel fear.

The gold is fading and so is my vision I'm going to be human. The last words I hear are, "I love you my little Lassa"

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I couldn't be at home right now. My wife had just lost our baby. He was a still born, I had delivered him with my own hands and in my hands he died. My wife refused to let him go. I know it must be hard for her so I had to leave. I had to let her say goodbye.

I left our home in the market and wandered around the seam. It was a different place to me growing up in a wealthier part of district twelve. I can't stop thinking that I was born in a more privileged life. Yet My wife and I couldn't have a baby.

I loved her more than anything else in this world. She wanted a little girl. But she would have loved a son just as much. I just wanted her to be happy.

I was walking parallel to the river that ran partially through the seam when I heard a soft cry that I thought belong to some animal. As I continued my walk I saw a bundle of cloth in the river. I listened harder and knew the crying was coming from the bundle.

I sped up and fished the bundle out of the river and saw a child. Why was a baby in the river? Only a cruel person would put their new born baby in the river in December. That didn't matter though, what mattered is that the child was alive.

I ran back to my home bouncing the child as I went which quieted it's cries. I slipped inside and ran to my wife. When I reached our room. She had stopped crying and our son was gone. She was sitting in a chair next to the window.

"I couldn't look at him anymore." She sighed, "But I guess that was to be expected when he was so early." she turned to me and saw I was holding the bundle. "What is that?"

"It's a baby" I said smiling.

"A baby?" She gasped walking up to me looking at the sleeping child.

"It was abandoned in the river I had to save it" I said.

"What do we do with it?" She asked.

"We keep it."

"What?"

"I figure we can tell everyone you went into labor early because you were having twins and only one of them made it." I say as she takes the baby out of my arms.

"Well, I don't see why not," she says with a new light in her eyes, "Hey there little one." She coos "Let's find out what you are"

We walk across the hall to the nursery we had built. Good thing we didn't know we were having a boy. My wife puts the baby on the changing table and takes off the heavy wet cloth.

"Hi there little girl" She smiles and sighs happily, "I'm your mommy, and I'll take very good care of you. I promise" She changes the little girl and wraps her in a warm blanket laying her in the crib I built. "She's... Beautiful."

"What do you want to name her?"

"Um..." She says grabbing a book of names and flipping to a book marked page "Noelle." She smiles.

"Noelle?"

"It means new day. She's our new day" She smiles.

"Alright Noelle Love Garner" I smile.

"Love?"

"My mother's name" I say looking at her.

"Oh she's so beautiful." Noelle's eyes open at my wife's words. Her eyes are bright green. "She has your eyes"

"She's not really ours." I laugh.

" She's our baby, and we'll have to tell people anyway. She has my hair and your eyes." She says picking up the child. "Hi Noelle," She says sitting down in the rocking chair in the corner of the nursery."We'll buy you cloths tomorrow. And I'll show you off to everyone. " She smiles. I walk over to her and kiss her head.

"She really is our baby. Isn't she?" I kneel next to my wife.

"She is, she's our little girl." And in that moment all our dreams, all our hopes, and all our prayers were answered. We had a daughter.


	4. Chapter 4 Her Daughter

I wake up early this morning. Well I wake up for the third time this morning. Noelle kept me up all night constantly needing attention and care. But I didn't care I love my daughter. She's my little girl. It was six and my husband Roger is already awake preparing the store for shoppers.

I walk into Noelle's bed room where she's squirming. "Shh Noelle mommy's here." I pick her up and change her into a onesie. I'm taking her shopping today for cute little toys and pink clothes.

I lay her back in her crib and change myself. When I'm ready I prepare a diaper bag for Noelle. I wrap her in a warm wool blanket.

I head down the stair and feed her quickly. "Are you on your way out Laurel?" Roger asks.

"Yes " I stand up and kiss his cheek. I shut the door on my way out and head to the very tiny baby store. When the door opens a bell rings.

"Laurel?" I hear a very familiar voice.

"Mable?" I smile as I see my friend appear from behind a shelf.

"You had the baby!" She smiles, "Aren't you a little early." she says looking at Noelle.

"Yes, I had twins, but her brother didn't make it" I said my heart breaking a little.

"Oh I'm so sorry." She said "But she's beautiful. What did you name her?"

"Noelle Love Garner."

"Hi Noelle" She smiles. "Come on let's get to the shopping."

I spend about an hour shopping. I bought her the cutest little cloths and the most adorable dolls. I show off my daughter with pride. Everyone thinks she's just the cutest thing.

I get home and sit in the rocking chair. I just look fondly at my little girl. My child in my arms. There is no more natural thing a mother and her baby.

Though Roger and I know she is not really ours I feel that she is. I did not carry her inside me for nine months. I did not feel her kick inside me. But I am her mother. I love her and will protect her with all that I am.

She's the little girl I dreamed about for so long. She's the answer to my prayers. She is everything to me. I may have lost my son but I got a daughter.

I love her more than I thought I could. I kiss her forehead and continue to rock her.

My husband comes in and I notice that it's night. He kisses my forehead.

"Our little girl" He says and kisses her head.

He doesn't have to say anything else. He wants her to be our daughter too. I couldn't be happier.

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_One more chapter down! Alright back to Thalassa... Noelle's point of view! Again another short one. I wanted this to show how her parents really love her and how she hads a great childhood, because the next chapter will be when she's twelve! Yay time skips!_


	5. Chapter 5 Better Luck Next Year

My world is a calm serene one. I'm just a little girl though now I'm twelve years old. My new family loves me beyond words. I must say I do love them, I love my mother who does my hair before school and always makes sure I'm perfect before I leave. I love my father who twirls me and lifts me off my feet. I never had a father before, I guess it was like having a second mother. Of course my sisters did that job quite nicely.

I do believe however I am more partial to my mother. She takes me on walks through the city and even on the outskirts to see the seam. She dresses me well and brushes my hair like my sisters used to.

I often wonder about my sisters and about my mother, but I am here in district twelve and they are far away long past where the seas are warm.

I don't mind so much though. I have learned so much here on land from the humans, I learned that I love snow. That I can bake and cook well. I learned that clothes can be very pretty.

This new world was certainly something. I have more friends than I ever thought I could. I love reading and writing. I really love school even though all they talk about is the Capitol. I often wonder what kind of a place it would be like.

But I've learned I love singing more than I love anything. I learned that If I don't sing the sirens song than everyone can hear me without fear.

I was beginning to wonder if I really wanted to go back to my family. But when I did I would always remember all the times they said I love you to me.

My blonde hair has grown down my back and I refuse to cut it. My hair and my eyes are all that I have to remember my family. Not that I have trouble remembering them. One does not simply forget family, it's just impossible you love them no matter what you do.

Well today was a special day. It was my first reaping day. I'm positive that I'm the only one in all my district excited for this. But being that I have to fit in I think I can manage a few tears.

I wake up to my mother knocking at my door. "Noelle?" I will never get used to that name. My eyes flutter open and my mother opens the door to my room. "Hi honey" She forces a smile.

"Hi mom" I sit up. She walks in bringing a very pretty dress. I look up into her glossy eyes, she has clearly been crying.

"Time to get up. I have a very pretty dress for you." Says pulling shoes out of my closet as I swing my leg over the side of my bed, "You're going to look so beautiful Noelle." She comes over and kneels in front of my bed. I wrap my arms around her neck, "Oh honey it's alright your name is only in that bowl once, and you are only twelve years old."

"I don't want to go mom" I choke out with much enthusiasm in the role I'm playing.

"You know that I would take you out if I could Noelle" She pulls me out of our hug, "Just remember you're my new day." She musters a smile. "You get changed and I'll make breakfast." She kisses my cheek and exits me room.

I prepare myself for the reaping. I let my hair free and wear the very pretty purple dress my mother gave me. I'm very pretty actually. I go down the stairs and meet my father and mother.

"Oh Noelle you look so beautiful." My mother hugs me.

"You look very grown up Noelle" My father kisses my head before I take a seat and eat my breakfast.

Afterwards we head off the town square. I clutch my parents hands in 'fear'. When we reach the square I let go of my parents hands and enter the line to check in.

Once I do so I head off to the cluster of twelve year old girls and to my group of friends. They say nothing out of fear. There is no heaviness in my heart as the reaping begins.

I watch the video about the Capitol, congratulations guys, is all I can think as the video talks about the Capitol's greatness. Once the Reaping begins my hearing becomes heightened and silence over takes everyone.

They call out a name I didn't really pay much attention because it wasn't mine. Darn oh well there's always next year, I think crudely.

The reaping finishes and we are let loose to find our parents. I put on a face of relief and run to find my mother and father.

"Mom! Dad!" I call out as I see them.

"Noelle!" My mother cries out. I run into my father and mothers arms. "Oh Noelle you're safe! You're safe!" My mother starts to cry. I force tears down my cheeks.

My father carries me all the way home. When we enter the house my mother smiles wider. and my father let's me down.

"Mom can I make something with you?" I ask trying to appear happy. Well actually I am happy, twelve is still kind of young.

"Of course sweetie." She smiles and we go to the kitchen. We bake a cake and cook a feast as we celebrate.

(one year later)

I had a dream last night I was... afraid. I... I died before I met my family again. I didn't die in the games but I died. I never saw my mother again. Never got to see my sisters ever again. I died and I died alone. I sat up in my bed awake before my mother and father.

I got up and went to my vanity and brushed my platinum hair. It calmed me down made me feel safe the sun was nowhere near rising. I went downstairs and began to cook.

It was strange I would brush my hair and look at my eyes to remind myself of who I was. Yet I loved being a human. I will never understand I suppose I just don't mind being human I guess. But I love being a siren that is who I am.

I made breakfast for my Mother and Father. I put the food on one of the trays we used when one of us was sick and brought it to them.

The sun was rising and I knocked on their door clearly waking them up. "Mom dad" I said entering the room.

"Yes Noelle?" My mother yawned sitting up.

"I made breakfast." I said putting the tray on the night table crawling into their bed. My father turned to me and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed my head and thanked me. We all ate in their bed and when we finished my father took the dishes down stairs.

My mother took me to my room and laid out a pretty light green dress. She kissed my head and went to help my father clean up.

I dresses myself and smiled at my reflection, my hair now landed right above my butt, and I had grown up since the last reaping. This time as my family made its way to the square I decided I could be less apprehensive. I signed in again and stood with my friends.

Forty eight, I think, it's the forty eighth games. Maybe this could be my lucky shot.

The announcement begins the film roles and the names are called. My name is not one of them. I sigh which others interpret as relief. It really isn't, irritation would be a better description. Better luck next year.

I run to my mother and father and smile because I have 'survived again' But if there is anything I've learned from humans it's that the games don't leave anyone unhurt. It's only a matter of time.

(One year later)

I wake up as usual, and brush my hair moving around my bed room putting my own outfit together for the reaping. My hair touches my knees now even though I've grown taller.

Once I've slipped the blue dress on and I am completely ready I make my way downstairs. I find that my parents are in a rush because apparently we are at risk of running late. I mentally roll my eyes before we leave.

As we leave the house I start thinking about the games. I'm certain that I'll be picked this year.

I sign in do the usual business of the reaping and wait. I try my hardest to look downtrodden as my friends join me. The reaping begins same old same old. That includes my name not being called.

I don't know why it's taking so long. My mother changed my fate. She manipulated my world so I could be in the games. Well maybe fate takes longer than I ever imagined. Oh well better luck next year.

(Half a year latter)

The new President, President Snow, appeared on our vacant Television. 'Hello districts of Panem' He said with much enthusiasm 'Today is a joyous day. Today We find out what our Quarter Quell Challenge will be!' He lifted up an envelope that read, happy 50th Hunger Games, 'To show the districts that no matter what their numbers are the Capitol will always be superior, this year there will be twice the tributes.' an applause segue began and the President came back on, 'Good Luck tributes, and as always may the odds be ever in your favor.'

I think I just died a little on the inside. My human side anyway. How could humans be so cruel to one another? That was what didn't make sense to me. In all my years as a human, I never understood how on earth a race could do this kind of thing to each other.

(Half a year later)

Same old routine, except however when I reach the square. My heart feels heavier, my stomach twists into knots. Could it be that this is fear? I have never felt fear standing in the crowd for the reaping.

I have very rarely been afraid ever. How could it be? How could I be afraid? I guess it didn't matter. I guess my human side is getting stronger. Which means that I need to retake my form. I need to get into the games... Sooner or later.

I fidget in the crowd, as the speech begins. To my surprise my name isn't called. As the boys are called to their death I can't help but feel sorry. I can't help but feel the sudden urge to pray for them.

This year it will be different but next year it will be normal. Next year would have to be my year.

I follow my usual schedule of holding on to my parents necks. Going home and celebrating. As I lay in my bed I only have one thought. Fate hasn't come for me, and to this I smile, fate has not come for me... Yet.

"Oh well." I whisper to myself, "Better luck next year."

That was the first year I really paid any heed to the games. Never before had I really paid any attention. I would watch them but it never made me feel anything.

This year I felt something. Watching the games made me feel a long forgotten feeling... Hope. Haymitch Abernathy is now the first victor of district twelve. But He won't be the only one for long.

I smile at his spirit, his heart. I learned a thing or two from his games. One to remain in the good light of my district help my districts other tribute. Two don't die.

Those were two definitely good and valid pieces of advice. Oh and I intend to use both of those to my full advantage.

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_Well what do you think? I know weird idea and all but hey I make it work! Or so I like to believe..._


	6. Chapter 6 Simple

I know what my fate is, destiny is just waiting for me. It waited, and waited until I cared. It waited until I felt human fear, until I felt something watching the games. It waited for me, so now I have to win. Now I will be chosen.

I wake up with subtle breaths. My eyes don't open. I knew this day would come. I knew I would be reaped, and today was the day. Today I would be called as tribute.

But also, today I would embark on my journey home to my mother and sisters.

I heave myself out of bed. My long hair lightly drags on the floor, as I pick out my best dress. Knee length white with pure gold stitching. Brushing my insanely long hair has become a chore, but nonetheless a chore of enjoyment.

I decide that due to the nature of the occasion I should style it. Pulling it off the ground into a pony tail with only a clip holding it stable. I let it flow down the side of my shoulder almost like it's a waterfall, it reminded me of my island home.

After I eat breakfast I make my way to the square. My parents let me leave as usual, I bit my lip as I wait for everyone to gather for my reaping.

"Hello and welcome to the fifty first annual hunger games." Our escort Girish rang out, "And may the odds be ever in your favor." Girish is eccentric to say the least. He follows in the trends of those in the Capitol. He has an exceedingly plastered face, it's quite repulsive. He has green hair, green clothes, and even green skin. The children of district twelve secretly make fun of him.

Oh but the poor dear he must be devastated that he didn't get promoted.

I want to scoff at him, Oh they are, is all I can think.

"I would like to welcome last year's victor and mentor for the this year's games Haymitch Abernathy." He claps and all of our district applauds our first victor. We are proud of him for coming back to us. We do not hate our victor only the game he played.

He got on the stage stern faced, he looked hopeful. Bucking for another win I presume well you just so happen to be in luck.

"Ladies first shall we?" He smiles. I almost smile to, he just looks so silly. He picks out a name dramatically and walks back to the podium, He unfolds the paper to build suspense but everyone in the crowd just wants to slap the crap out of him.

He pulls this shenanigan every year he's just so annoying!

"District twelve's female tribute is, Noelle Garner." He gasps at the end for dramatic effect. I try not to smirk at his stupid expression. I make my face blank. I show no fear, no laughter, no hope. Just straight faced.

I walk up to the podium and greet Girish "Tell us sweetie" He gestures to the audience with enthusiasm, "How old are you?"

"Sixteen" I say clearly. He begins an obnoxious applause, and soon half hearted applause runs throughout the square.

"Gentlemen next" He puts on other show. "Barnard Warren" A seam boy appears from the crowd.

He was some much smaller than me, "How old are you Barnard?"

"Th-Thirteen" He stutters, poor thing I can't kill him. He's only a baby, he's so frightened, but that is the game.

"Let's hear it for our tributes Noelle and Barnard!" He claps rigorously and everyone slowly joins in.

We are lead off to the Justice Building. I'm lead into a room with a sofa and a window that lets in musty light.

Peacekeepers enter and my mother and father run in. My mother is in tears and my father is heartbroken.

"Noelle!" She sobs into my chest as I hold her close.

"Mom" I cry softly. I pull away abruptly, "Mom you know that no matter what happens I will always be your new day." She whimpers and I hug my father, "Dad"

"Noelle, I want you to be at peace with whatever you choose. Whether it is to come home to us or to not lay a finger on another tribute. No matter what we love you Noelle" He squeezes me tighter.

Our goodbyes are short and they are rip away from me far too soon. They are still my parents after all, I don't want to see them that way. Suddenly there is a rush of girls. My friends at least eight of them swarm me.

I hold them all and they cry as they are told to leave. Then I am jerked out of the room I was in. I wipe my face leaving no sign of tears. I will be a rock if necessary.

They brought out Barnard who was bawling. We are both shoved into a car with Haymitch and Girish.

Barnard sits next to me and tries to wipe away his tears. I let my human empathy take over I put my arm around him and let him cry into my shoulder.

"Shh Barnard it's okay. Shh it'll be okay." I comfort him. He grips on to my dress and won't let go. His cries grow softer as we reach the train station.

We get out of the car and I'm able to flash the camera a sure smile. We board the train and as it moves I think, I'll see you again district twelve.

Barnard continues to cry. I take him into my arms again and lift him up. I take him to his room and he eventually cries himself to sleep.

When he does I leave and try to find my way through the train.

"If you plan on jumping of the back end" I hear a serious tone, "Then you're going the wrong way." I turn around and see Haymitch looking at me.

"Thank you" I smile lightly."I actually have no clue what I'm doing"

He looks at me curiously. "Come on Noelle" He waves me over to follow him. I obey he takes me to a compartment with a television and very soft looking couches. "Alright Noelle, let's look at our competition." Now I look at him strangely, "Your fellow tributes. You're my first and I would rather not lose one of you."

We turn on the television. I don't pay attention to the names just the tributes themselves. I look into their eyes, their strengths and weaknesses. The boy from two steps up onto the platform I chuckle and my mentors gaze fixates on me, "He looks like he could eat my head in one chomp."

"This isn't funny." He says sternly.

"Oh but it is"

"This is your life at stake here." He says in shock.

"Can't I be a tad light hearted at the chance I may die?" I smile with a bit of sass in my tone. We turn our attention back to the television. He seems shocked at my sarcastic comments to the other tributes.

I'm having a great time laughing being rude and blunt. He seems unsure of me and my comments.

We are called to dinner and he leads me to the dinning cart. Barnard is there and he smiles at me.

"Oh you'll just love the Capitol it's just so grand! You know you should really be thankful for this opportunity-" I can't help a laugh and Girish glares at me.

"I'm sorry, but it's just" I laugh again, "You um spilled some soup on your shirt" I lie and he blushes at the humiliating experience. Barnard chuckles and Haymitch looks at me in surprise and aw. Clearly shocked at my boldness.

"Oh dear how embarrassing, if you'll excuse me" He runs out of the dinning cart. As he does I break out into a laughing fit which causes Barnard to laugh and Haymitch as well.

"Did you see the way he ran out of here?" I giggle as soon as the laughter dies down a bit.

"Who are you? And how can you act this way?" Haymitch shakes his head still smiling.

"It seems that the odds are in my favor." I smile.

"So it seems" Haymitch sighs, the rest of our meal is more quite and Haymitch leads me to my bedroom. The whole room looks plush, very warm.

I take about half an hour to figure out how to take a shower. I laugh at the sea water button and for a second I wanted to press it. I want to be reminded of home. But there is plenty of time for that during the games.

Smelling sweet I attempt to brush my hair. I say attempt because it's so tangled I break the first brush I found and so I gave up for the night. I slip into the soft bed.

I lay my wet hair across the bed to dry and before I know it I'm asleep. I dream of my mother telling me that I'm on my way home, upon waking up in the morning I feel determination in my heart.

I brush my hair fully now that it's dry it's easier to get through. I slip into a pair of jeans and a tank top.

I step out of my room and begin to walk down the hallway. "Whoa!" I turn around and see Barnard staring at my hair that drags lightly on the floor.

"Come on." I smile and he runs to me. I put my hand behind his back. He hugs my waist. He's so cute when he flashes me a cheeky smile. We enter the dinning cart and find Haymitch eating alone.

"Morning." I say.

"Oh morning" He says taking his attention off his meal. "So today we're going to talk strategies." Barnard and I sit down and begin to eat. "Now I'll be discussing the matter privately if you want."

Barnard looked at me with worried eyes. I knew he didn't want to talk about this. "Alright" I reply.

"Barnard I'd like to talk to you first. If you don't mind of course Noelle. "

"Not at all"

We finish our meal in silence and I leave the dinning cart running into none other than Girish. "Noelle!" He smiles broadly. "Come with me dear I have some _very _important things to discuss. " He takes hold of my arm and leads me to a sitting room. "Now dear You are obviously the strong front of the tributes from district twelve. I have a few friends who are saying you could win. That is if you give them what they want."

I glare at him becoming completely disgusted.

"You get what I mean I presume. Well I'm going to tell you that you will have an endless amount of sponsors. " He circled me, " After all you are quite beautiful."

"I believe this conversation is over." I turn to leave.

" Just consider it" He smiles.

"No sir I will not my decision has been made. I'm appalled that you would even suggest that I commit such an act." I snarl, "I am going to leave now and this will never be spoken of again. Never have I seen such audacity! I would never expect such a question in all my life!" I begin to storm out but he stops me before I go. He puts his icy fingers on my shoulders and I shudder.

"I guess that you could be sweet and innocent. It may get you pity sponsors."

"I don't need sponsors" I reply harshly. I exit and storm off down a hallway. My human side is very strong. Stronger than I thought it could get. Thalassa wouldn't have turned down the opportunity to seduce countless Capitol men.

I needed to become Thalassa again, I needed to be myself again though now I felt that maybe... No I am Thalassa feared and known by legend I am a great being.

"Noelle!" I look up from the floor and see Haymitch standing at the door. "Your turn." I enter the dinning cart stilled infuriated by Girish. "Now do you have any special skills?"

I smile holding back a laugh. "I can run, and fight without a weapon... I'm alright with a knife." I shrug.

"How good?"

"... Define good..."

"Can you throw it?"

"I thought it was on a 'I know which side is the blade and which side isn't' type thing" I laugh, "I'm only kidding. I can throw it I'm not very good at that though"

"Oh lord." He cups his face, "can you do anything?"

"We'll I can, like... Cook. I can run, I can sing, I can climb. What do you want from me? It's not like they teach us this kind of stuff." I smile lightly. I only wish I could tell him that I am a solid winner. What a pity to put him through this torture.

"I know... So if you can get close you're good right?"

"Yep"

"Alright I can work with that. It's better than the boy. He can't do crap"

"He's just a kid. He's a little baby. We can't do much about it."

"Nope so that means you're going to have to win"

"I think I can manage" I say standing up from the table and heading to the door.

"How? You've got close to nothing!"

"Trust me. I've got this" I smile and exit.

* * *

Poor girl, I think as she leaves, so happy, so light hearted. She's so carefree in the world. I'm going to hate seeing that beat out of her, like I've seen first hand. I'd hate to see her loose that smile. Too bad if she does win the games, which I highly doubt she will, she won't be the same. She's probably the bubbliest person in district twelve but I guess the games gets us all. It's going to be sad to see happiness stripped from someone like her, after all I should know.


	7. Chapter 7 The Price

I left the dining cart with a smile. I was fine with putting people in a state of fear. I was fine making them think I wouldn't win. Then they would be extra surprised when I did win.

The underdog story, I could live with it. I sat in my room until I was ripped out of it and thrown off the train. I was swarmed by reporters, Barnard clung to me as we are dragged to a white hospital like room.

The two of us are torn apart and put into different rooms. I'm stripped down which has no effect on me. I'm laid out on an operating table and My skin is pulled. My hair is tugged at, my feet feel like they're being cut up and ripped open. I feel them ripping at my body and I can hear them talking about cutting my hair.

If they dare even try I'll cut off their hand with scissors. They don't try but instead they pull it back giving me fake bangs they style my hair to have more volume and they somehow curl it. They lay it down my shoulder and it still reaches my mid thigh. They tell me to stand on a pedestal.

The three men who had been styling me step back and examine their work. "Stunning!" One smiles.

All I know is that my hands now feel incredibly soft. Like baby soft, other than that and my skinned feet I don't feel different.

"Your stylist will be with you shortly." One said cleaning up their area.

"Hello, Miss. Noelle" A rather colorful man appears and kisses my hand. He has blonde hair but not like mine. He has different colored teeth and a purple outfit. Even his heavy eye shadow is purple. "I am Avedis your stylist. I see that your prep team has been here." He grabs a tight curl and bounces it.

"Oh darling!" He gasps, "When I was assigned twelve again I thought to myself, 'blah another boy to put in something uninspiring' But then they told me I would be doing it for the girl and I just couldn't contain all my inspiration! So this year I thought I would kick it up a notch. Make it more feminine, sleeker, sexier, and I will definitely bring some new elements in for your interviews!" He claps excitedly. I can't help but smile at this ludicrous man. "Oh you seem so excited I'm excited! Alright honey here it is"

He grabs a clothing bag and unzips it dramatically. I smile but can't believe what I'm seeing. When he said sexier I didn't think he meant whorish! Not that I have a problem with sexy but still.

It was a black two piece ensemble. The top part was a black bra only it had one strap that swooped around the front. It had 'coal' for the strap and the bra was pleaded. The top I didn't think was to whorish, the bottom however.

It was long black floor length and silky. It looked flowy and elegant I suppose. Except for the slit that reach my ass! Well that's a bit of an exaggeration... No, no it wasn't! I slipped it on and my whole leg was exposed.

I did look nice in it though. The skirt tilted to one side showing off my hips. The bra was one cup to small though. Which by the way he intended to do! The bastard! Now instead of looking like normal thirty two C's, They were in my face and looked like double D's!

I took a look in the mirror and you want to know my only thought? You really want to know? Well I'm gonna get raped! That is all I can think, because God forbid that I step the wrong way everyone will see my ass! I'm beside myself at this point. Either my ass is coming out or my boobs are! If I'm really unlucky they both will at the same time. I shudder at the thought. These black six inch stilettos aren't helping the look either.

My makeup doesn't help me AT ALL! I have black thick eyeliner smoky cat eye makeup. I have bright red lipstick that makes my teeth look really, really white. My whole look basically says, come on, free sex! Might as well have 'make me walk funny' written across my stomach!

I'm supposed to be bubbly and fun! Oh well its only the chariot ride.

"Oh you love it don't you?"

"Very much" I smile my sentence is drenched in lies.

"Oh I knew you would darling. You look marvelous. Simply ravishing, spin for me dear" I obey and want to gag knowing full well I just flashed him my butt. Whatever the guys already seen me naked. "Oh you're ready." He smiles and looks like he'll cry.

I step off the pedestal and take his hand. "Thank you" I smile and muster affection. He hugs me and leads me outside the hospital like building and I see all the other tributes. Shit, I think, now they'll see me be a whore.

I'm right everyone is already waiting. I'm the last one done. Guess you can't rush perfection! Every male tribute has their gaze fixated on one of two places and you know those two places. All the girls have their backs turned to me, either out of jealousy, annoyance, or hatred.

I see Haymitch and let Avedis lead me to him and Barnard. I smirk because at this point that is all I can do. Haymitch laughs seeing right through my expression. He know what I'm thinking, he's not blind and he's heard my quick unforgiving tongue.

"She's ready! She's ready! Isn't she stunning?" Avedis asks Barnard's stylist.

"She's radiant." The man answers. I look down at Barnard. He has a form fitted black dress shirt and pants. The shirt seems to have rocks patterned all on it.

"Haymitch" I whisper as the two stylists converse. He walks over to me still on the verge of laughter. "Please tell me that the boy have stopped looking at me."

"Sorry Noelle they are men." He laughs and pats my back in sympathy. I turn around and see everyone else's outfits.

The boys are nothing special but I am to them apparently. The girl from district four is also close to nude. The difference is she is much smaller more petite than me. She doesn't have much of a figure. But damn her she doesn't look like a whore! Not like I do at least.

We are told to line up and we begin to load up the chariots. Fabulous, more waiting! I wait with Barnard awkwardly for half an hour until it's finally our turn.

We get into our chariot and I put my hand behind Barnard's back for reassurance. He's shaking when I touch him, but at my hand he calms down.

We come into the light of the riding arena and I still have my hand on his back. We receive a comforting applause one that was a condoling applause. So now it's time to show it all off. I flip my hair over one of my shoulder and step back with a bare leg.

Now I've done it, whistles flow throughout the crowd. Excitement emerges in the applause. Soon people are chanting for twelve! I wink exaggeratedly and smile with pearl teeth. My hair flows gracefully as we make our way along the track. They love me, and Barnard becomes more comfortable with these new surroundings.

Finally after a grueling hour of this all the tributes are taken back to the lodging. We all stand around aimlessly waiting for our mentors and escorts. As we do only a few mummers are heard. I hold onto Barnard's hand tightly.

"Well, well, well. I should visit district twelve if this is what they have to offer." I hear a crude voice near me. I turn to face a boy, who has to be eighteen wearing a metallic space suit, I remember him he's from district one. "Well don't be shy twelve you certainly are giving off the wrong image if you are." He smirks at me.

Barnard clutches my hand tighter. "I'm not shy you're right, but it seems that we are in quite a predicament."

"Why might that be?" He says nearing me.

"I'm a force to be reckoned with. Be careful or your pretty little face may not be intact." I smirk back at him.

"Ooh feisty are we, feeling fiery twelve?"

"More than you know" I turn away from him keeping my cool, though I don't know how I sort of want to break his neck.

"See you in training twelve I'll count on your presence." This makes me breathe in sharply. Oh yeah he's is first to go!

"Noelle! Barnard!" I hear Girish shouting at us. The mentors have trickled into the lobby. He is followed by Avedis who is bouncing with excitement, Barnard's stylist, and a much slower Haymitch.

"Oh it was brilliant darling, it was stunning an absolute work of art the crowd loved you Noelle they really did." Avedis pulls me aside as Barnard's stylist pulls him aside. "Oh dear you looked so gorgeous!" He began to cry and I gave him a comforting hug. "I'm sorry you were so good!"

"Great job Noelle I knew you could do it" Girish smiles tauntingly.

"Good job Noelle sure did kick the crap out of some of the other tributes." Haymitch complements me.

Avedis fawns over me a while longer before allowing me to leave. I head up with the tributes from one, two, four and six. I'm completely and utterly afraid for my life... and my virginity. I'm being eye raped by all the guys and I'm enraged that the floors are in order of district.

One gets off but before he does he grabs my butt and I have never wanted to kill more than I want to kill him. Haymitch can tell and grabs my shoulder to stop me from pouncing.

Two's tribute doesn't dare touch me but winks instead. I sigh heavily and Haymitch steps up right behind me.

I'm just a plaything to these boys. They want to see me kill and believe me I will! The boy from district four flips my hair and strokes my cheek. I want him to go die in a hole, right now. Haymitch sees me tense up and pins my shoulders to his. Damn him why is he so strong I just want to kill them that's what I'm here for anyway!

The last boy from six is still looking at me in 'interest' as he is the last to exit he turns to me and gropes me! He fucking gropes me! He walks calmly out of the elevator and as the door closes Haymitch releases me, the only thing keeping me from cursing dusk till dawn in Barnard. Instead I clench my teeth and punch the metal doors of the elevator. I know it won't help the situation but I feel better.

Haymitch sighs and I huff in anger. "I. Hate. Them." I say simply , "Haymitch could you not tell Girish I punched a wall please?" I force a smile.

He scoffs at me, "Sure thing" I calm down as we reach our level. I storm off to my room and clean myself off. I peel off my clothes which wasn't so bad. Taking off the shoes however was like heaven. Why did people even wear this stuff? I wouldn't on a regular basis.

I shower and realize I forgot to bring pjs into the bathroom. I walk out dripping wet and search for the most unflattering unattractive thing. No luck everything is silky and form fitted, every last thing. I just don't wear anything. I roll down the covers of my bed and flop down onto it.

I turn off the lights to my room, wrap myself in the plush blankets, and smash my face into my pillow. At which point I begin to curse as colorfully as I'm able.

But you know I guess that this is the price to pay, and in these games the bill has barely begun to be paid.


	8. Chapter 8 Proving my Worth

I wake up at nine the next morning. I'm sweating because I have all the blankets on my bed draped over me. I get out of bed and find a neatly folded jump suit on my dresser. I toss it onto my bed and brush my hair pulling it up off the ground and into a bun. I change and walk out to the dining room.

I find Haymitch, Barnard, and Girish all waiting for me. I take a seat and serve myself some food. "Alright so for the next few days you will be in training. Make sure that you don't show your best quality until you have a privet session with the Game makers." Haymitch sits up straight. "while in training be sure to not single out anyone. Got that?" I nod as I eat my breakfast.

After Barnard and I finish eating we are lead to the training room which is just below the building we are staying at.

I really don't want to go to training I've got nothing! Plus I don't want to have people watching me go from lesson to lesson and screwing up.

But I go any way we are right on time and the other tributes join us. We are given a lecture about the different stations and what not. I follow behind Barnard to knot tying I don't really pay careful attention I pay just enough to get through.

I let him lead me to plant spotting and fire staring and whatever other places. We finally go somewhere I don't mind so much. We go to the obstacle course, I can do this at least. I beat the course in good time not knocking anything over. I'm still exceedingly bored by lunch time.

I sit with Barnard we are all by ourselves and Barnard is constantly quizzing himself on plants. I smile and encourage him no matter how completely useless that skill is.

"I expected more from twelve, what did you guys think?" I over hear district two conversing with districts one and four the careers have already been picked.

"Do you think she's holding back for the Game makers?" District one asks.

"Probably hey what do you think of six?"

How infuriating, they think they can just read me like a book! That's it I have to at least try to kick their asses at their own game.

We are called back to the training room and I tell Barnard that I'm going to train at hand to hand. We part ways and I make my way over to the line of boys.

"Look who's toughened up. What are you doing here twelve? Shouldn't you be learning how to paint flowers all over yourself?" I recognize the voice of one's tribute. I greet him with silence and move up in the line. He laughs at me, "Silence won't make me leave twelve." He reaches out for my hair to pull it out. I grasp his arm firmly not completely stopping him because he's so much stronger than me but enough.

"Don't you dare think about it." I move up again becoming next in line.

"Sensitive?" He laughs again. Once district elevens boy has made a complete fool of himself I step up to the challenge. I'm padded so not to injure myself and I'm handed a 'sword' which is just a pole.

"Ready?" The teacher and subject asks. I look at her stance and decide how to maneuver. I nod, "Begin"

She strikes first at my torso, I block her swiftly and knock her weapon out of her hand. I kick it away from her and reach out for her arm. I grasp hold of it, I twist it behind her back and hold my 'weapon' to her throat.

She struggles for a moment but breaks free of my grip. She twists around and we stare one another down. I strike first this time narrowly missing her head and our 'weapons' clash against each other. We somehow dodge one another's blows.

It's a bunch of dodging and attempts at hits. The whole process of this takes fifteen minutes. I'm just tired of this, I'm almost willing to let her hit me... Almost.

She finally changes it up a bit swinging at my feet. I jump it like a jump rope and swing at her shoulder knocking her weapon out of her hand and leaving her breathless on the ground. I have enough time to place my pole gently where her heart is.

"Well done" She smiles finally gaining her breath back. I smile back and help her up. I turn and see half the tributes were watching my fight.

"That's it!" I say to everyone watching me and they reluctantly turn back to their stations. I wipe off my forehead, I'm sweating, my hair is starting to fall out of it's neat bun, and I'm sure I'm a complete mess.

I did not think that would go as well as it did. I thought she would have beaten me into nonexistence... Cool, I think, one more way to put fear into their hearts. But that was just luck to do that again I'd have to work my ass off.

Frankly I don't feel like working so hard for that, I know how I'm going to win already. I don't need a good score, I don't need allies I'm going to be just fine.

"Noelle that was cool!" Barnard meets up with me. I smile at him and high five him. I'm done for the day, completely done. I'm too tired to do anything but listen about plants with Barnard.

We are told we can leave and I really don't want to I'm too fatigued because let's face facts I'm not one for hand to hand combat. Not one that is like half an hour long. I think I'll just stick with what I'm good at.

Barnard and I eventually head up to our level. We go up in silence, I'm a mess and he is quietly reviewing how to make warmth. I roll my eyes and we reach our level.

I go off and shower I messily put up my hair and change into pjs. I go to the dining room and see that Girish is shocked at me. I shrug it off and eat as much as I can as slowly as I can savoring every bite. We all eat in silence and depart to our own rooms.

I go to my room and switch the lights off immediately. I crawl into bed and fall into a heavy sleep.

In the morning I follow my same routine, and head down to the training room. This time I try my hand at throwing knives... The first one bounces off the target, the second one hits the floor, and the third one gets stuck in the wall.

I don't even try the fourth one, I lay it down slowly and walk away quickly. So now what? I try to run through the obstacle course a few times. But you can only do that so many times until you're bored again. We take our lunch break and I decide to just go back to knot tying and plant recognizing.

God I was so bored all day, when we finally go back to our floors I want our few days to be over. We still have tomorrow the day after and then the privet sessions. I don't know how I'll survive.

We reach our floor and the two of us head to the dining room. Haymitch looks up as we sit down. "Noelle" He says calmly, "I need to talk to you in privet after dinner."

"Alright" I shrug stuffing food into my mouth. Girish isn't here so why the hell not? I finish the rest of my meal properly because Girish entered half way through.

Barnard leaves the dining room and I'm left alone with Haymitch and Girish. "So Haymitch?"

"It seems that you are quite popular Noelle. A few mentors came up to me today and told me that their tributes found your... skills amazing."

I look up into his eyes, "Uhuh?"

"The mentors were from districts one, two, four, six, and seven. They want you to join the careers"

I gag at the very thought of allying myself with those pigs! "One, two, and four want me? Could they be more obnoxious? They don't want me all they want is my ass! Those boys are just a bunch of inconceivably dimwitted morons!" I stand up appalled.

"Well Noelle looks like you're going to have to get used to those morons because I told them you were in." He smiles slyly at me, "You need them Noelle, you need them to survive."

"I do not need them!" I shout.

"Yes you do. They'll help you stay alive and in the public's good eye. Look Noelle if you're going to live you're going to need all the help you can get." He says coolly.

"I can't believe this! You saw how they treated me!"

"Yep and you can kill them after you are in the final eight. Now tomorrow train with at least one of them. Maybe the one from two he seems like he can be manipulated." Haymitch laughs at me. "Oh and have lunch with them. They are very partial to your... Immodesty." He gets up and leaves the table.

I groan and storm off to my room. I shower and go to bed still horrified at the thought of me being a career.

Easily manipulated huh? Maybe I can use them for some enjoyment. Get them to kill for me. Then I can kill them in turn. But I know who will be first to go!

The next morning I get to the training room with my game face on. Time to get down to business, I look around and see district one's boy working with a sword. I cock my hip and watch him for a little until he notices me.

He finishes up and joins me. "So twelve welcome to the winning club." He smirks at me. I roll my eyes and face him.

"Tell me what to do before I go torment someone else on the 'winning club' "

"Still feisty I see you and Artina will have a ball." He laughs. "Come on twelve archery,"

"Did you completely miss me fail epically at knife throwing yesterday?"

"I wasn't paying attention to your hands twelve" He looks down my chest and I sigh. "Archery, Cephas is our best shot at long distance so far. And that's just sad we still have to get Charvi and Opal to try their hand at it." I have no clue who these people are and I don't care.

He takes me to the archery station where again I fail horridly. Two arrows are now stuck in the beam holding the target up, three are on the ground, and only two are actually in the target, thing is one is on the side of the target while the other is barely holding on.

"Great" I say sarcastically turning to him.

"Alright so you can't do long distance so what? How do I know you're not faking it?" I give him an 'are you kidding me ' look and he backs away. It's time for our break and he tries to lead me to where we eat.

"I'm not six, and we've been coming here for three days now I promise I won't get lost" I snap as his hand finds its way to my back.

"Better calm down some twelve I'm on your side, I just want to know what it takes to break you're perky little spirit."

"You can't I'm untouchable."

"Not untouchable endearing is better word for what you are."

"Whatever you say" I roll my eyes again. I grab little food because I find it extremely unnerving to eat with these people.

"Now's not the time to starve yourself honey" The girl from two sneers. I just sit down and start to eat.

"So Opal, found your first kill yet?" District one's boy scoffed.

I don't listen to their conversation. I'm not even in the same stratosphere as them at this point I'm just imagining what it'll be like to be a siren again. I miss the feeling of sea spray, I miss perching up on a rock and basking in the light of the sun. I miss the warm waters close to home. I miss adventuring through caves with my sisters.

"Twelve?" I'm nudged back into the conversation. "Who's going to be your first kill?" District fours girl asks me.

"the boy from six." I gesture to the boy sitting with his female counterpart.

"Why him?" Ones boy jeers.

"He groped me in the elevator back from the chariot rides. " I look up and his face is priceless. In fact the three other boys faces are priceless.

"I was in the elevator with you!" One gasps.

"And me" two says

"And me" four whispers.

"Yep I know, you grabbed my ass" I point to one. Lucky us lunch is over so we head back to training I'm not thrilled with spending my whole day with these people. This time two girls pull me aside and take me to weights, testing the strength I don't have.

"We know you're not completely useless twelve but just to make sure." One of the girls rolls her eyes at me. I get up to seventy pounds of heavy lifting which to them is weak but I'm pretty proud of myself. We managed to waste all the time we had left and we're allowed to leave.

I swiftly head into the elevator with Barnard and we are the first ones gone. We get off at our level and I head to the dining room while Barnard heads off to his room.

Haymitch looks up when I enter, "So how'd it go?" He asked hopefully.

"They are still morons but their morons on my side."I sigh, "They still want my ass, but you know!"

"Noelle it doesn't matter what they want of you, you're in that's done and over with." Haymitch sighs at me.

"Alright" My eyes get wide in frustration. I eat angrily and abruptly leave the table to my room. I still have one last day of training, I think, hurray!

It just so happens I spent that whole day avoiding District one as a whole. I let two's boy take me around and teach me how to... I don't even know I didn't pay much attention to him, he's kind of a weak link.

Today is our privet sessions and I can't be more excited than I am now! Overstating of course, I want them done and over with already. I just wait, and wait, and wait, and wait some more. I'm literally last! It seems like everyone else is taking twice as long than allowed.

Finally, after hours of wasted unoccupied time, I'm finally called in. I enter and see that all the game makers having a blast drinking and eating. Not paying any attention to me either might I add. I set up a sort of course for myself. Making two parallel lines of 'targets'. I grab a thin, simple sword.

I look up and they don't even know I'm here. I try to think of how to get their attention and then I think of it.

I begin to hum the sirens song as I begin. Suddenly it's silent as I weave in and out of my targets. I 'battle' each target with little grace or precision. I am aware that had this been a real fight I'd be dead. The game makers don't mind though under the influence of my song they love me.

I finish my course and continue to hum. They all applaud and I smile "Noelle Garner district twelve. Thank you" I turn on my heel and leave with confidence.

Do I think I did well? Hell no! Do I think I'll get a good score? Yep, positive. I reach my floor and I'm surprisingly left alone. I relax for a few hours in fact. Girish left a note on my nightstand telling me to change into something 'appropriate' for the scoring. I don't know why, the scores are on television. Nonetheless I shower and put on normal cloths.

I eat dinner with Haymitch, Girish, and Barnard. Afterwards we watch the scores. I'm comfortable unlike the rest of them. I'm calm because even if I get a bad score I'll be just fine.

It's district twelve's turn and everyone is one edge. Barnard gets a firm seven, which makes me smile. I'm happy for him, I guess he didn't explain different plants to the game makers. We applaud for him and the announcers segue into me and my score.

They introduce me and they announce that I have been graciously given a ten which I'm pretty pumped about! Girish squeals like a little girl, Haymitch grins widely and Barnard claps rigorously.

Girish hugs me and squeals again, "Oh wait until everyone hears! My friends will die when they hear!" He runs off into another direction and Barnard hugs me tightly. He acts like we've already won. I rub his back and smile.

"Good job kids, but tomorrow is the hardest part... Interviews." I laugh at Haymitch's remark before he leaves. Barnard lets go of me and we go to our respective bedrooms.

This is it, I think, tomorrow is my last day in a human bed. Before long I'll get to be part of the sea again, I'll get the chance to be myself again. I can bring out my inner killer once more. On that thought I fall into a gentle sleep.

* * *

_Yay longer chapter! Huzzah the interview has come! Thanks for sticking with me so far guys!_


	9. Chapter 9 Putting on a Show

The next morning I wake up bright and early. I change into something comfortable, because realistically by the end of the night I'll be anything but comfortable. I go to breakfast where Girish meets me and hurries me to my seat,

"We must hurry, hurry, hurry!" He smiles, "Today is a big, big day! I want as much time to perfect you as possible my dear" He says playing with my hair, I try to eat swiftly without making myself sick.

"Oh Barnard we have so much to go over before tonight son, but you have it easier than Noelle here" Girish moves to Barnard and straitens his back.

I finish my meal and Girish whisks me away to an empty room. "Now Noelle" He starts off, " I know you wore heels last time and they were a good size but you hardly walked!" Alright if he thinks I hardly walked he's a liar I ran in those puppies! "So I'll be teaching you grace, poise, balance, and posture."

I look at him as he strikes several poses, "Well get those shoes on and let's get to work!" I step forward and grab the unsettlingly large heels. These were taller than my black stilettos these were almost eight inches tall and with the added height came added pain.

I have never hated feet more than I did training with Girish! I really don't want to walk anymore. After an eternity on those damned things Haymitch told us it was time for lunch. I want to kiss him when he says that.

I take them off and eat lunch, after a while I begin to regain the feeling in my feet. Afterwards Haymitch leads me to the den area to discuss my tactic for my interview.

"Alright Noelle so far you've showed that you are immodest, strong willed, and defiantly a force to be reckoned with in these games. So I want you to show a softer side. I want you to talk about your boldness, fearlessness, but then say that you're just bubbly and whatever crap you can come up with."

"Awesome... Should it be obnoxious cute or sweet cute?"

"Good question they'll fall for both I guess, just try not to piss everyone off alright?"

"Fair enough." I smile.

"Alright so let's do some practice questions" I nod, "Okay, so Noelle you have everyone on their toes with you. What with your score and stunning chariot performance how do you think you've been fairing?"

"Honestly, I think I've been doing really well. I think that these past days I have done a great job portraying who I am. Well I've shown my fighter side, my cunning side, my sexy side which I didn't even know I had. Yet there is still one more thing I thought you all should have seen."

I pause and wait for a response, "Don't worry" Haymitch says, "Caesar is far more forgiving with this kind of thing than I am. Go on."

"Well I just think that my best side hasn't shown through. I'm much more sweet than anything. I'm more sincere. I guess that's what happens when your middle name is literally Love"

" Your middle name is Love?" Haymitch laughs, "We can definitely use that." We continue this training for a time until he looks at the clock.

"Alright, Love your prep team will be waiting for you." He says taking me to a room where my prep team is waiting. They greet me courtly before stripping me down. They allow me to shower and then they rapidly work my hair. They twist it and maneuver one side into one long braid which they wrap around my head as decoration. They make a smooth bun in the back of my head.

Once they've pulled all my hair back They set to work on my makeup which I don't pay attention to. Avedis comes in as soon as I'm done, "Flawless" He smiles at my stylists work. "Noelle everyone just love, love, loved your first outfit. I don't plan to disappoint!" He unzips the dress bag and I sigh.

Again it's a very provocative dress. It's a halter and all in one piece! Yay that's going down as a win! However the smoky black dress has cutouts across the stomach. The top is beaded heavily but just enough for me. The dress v-shapes down connecting to the skirt. The skirt is flowy but doesn't fail to be sexy! I'm so fucking elated.

Right about at my crotch it slits open and flowers down and out. I slip it on and again I sort of want to rip it right off. Avedis slips crystallized black pumps that are thankfully only six inches. Win some lose some I guess.

He puts large flashy earrings into my hand to put on myself. He grabs a breath taking diamond necklace and puts it around my neck. When I'm complete I'm shocked to see that I look elegant actually. I'm not the slut I was the first night so win! My makeup is lighter and a bit more playful.

"You look breath taking!" Avedis squeals.

I spin around and I see that the back of the dress is completely open. It like reaches my ass. I guess he has a maximum limit of fabric he can use per dress either that or he really wants me to get jumped. The back has beading and crystals outlining where my skin is open.

"You love the back? I hand stitched it myself." He smiles proudly.

"I love it so much." I smile brightly, "Thank you Avedis" I hug him.

"Oh it's my pleasure my dear, you and your perky smile is what I live for right now." He taps my nose and I want to die of laughter, "Come on Noelle we mustn't be late like last time!" Avedis takes my hand, and leads me down to the lobby where Haymitch and about half of the tributes are waiting to leave for the interviews.

Barnard isn't there yet, but guess who is...

"Hey twelve, why don't you just go into the arena like that? You'll get tons of sponsors"

I don't say anything and I feel his hand where my dress begins again in the back. "What is it with you and my ass." I turn around and jerk my arm from Avedis.

"It's like a magnet twelve"

"Take your hand and use it for what it's good at" He laughs at me and Avedis reaches for my shoulder.

"What would that be?"

"Meeting with its old friend jack"

"Bold Twelve good thing you don't like clothes, "

"Noelle sweetheart please" Avedis pulls me away from my little spat. I look over and see Haymitch holding back laughter and Girish looks displeased.

"Go ahead Haymitch laugh" I smile and he breaks he can't control himself.

"Noelle!" Girish scolds, "I thought you would be more considerate to your fellow tributes! Go over there and apologize" He pushes me toward One like I'm a child who pushed someone down.

I roll my eyes as quite clearly One heard Girish. He walks to me and I glare up at him, "That doesn't sound like an apology twelve"

"Your just lucky I haven't slapped you yet."

"Do what your escort says and apologize twelve."

"Remind me again why are you such an idiot?"

"Fine if you won't apologize in words kiss me."

"I'd rather vomit blood!"

"Just on the cheek. Come on your escort looks like he's going to come over here."

I clench my teeth and draw in a harsh breath. I go on tip toe and peck his cheek. "Now was that so hard?"

"I think I'll go wash my mouth with acid now" I shudder at my action. I turn to leave but he again grabs my butt.

"Aw come on twelve we still got one more night until we have to fight to the death." He grabs my hips and pulls me back wrapping his arms around my waist. He leans down and whispers in my ear, "That leave us all night long"

I am so close to sucker punching this guy. This scene won't be pretty much longer.

"Hold on their buddy!" I hear Haymitch's voice as he jogs over to us clearly he just finished laughing. "I'm sure that since you can't hurt other tributes before the games... Rape falls under that category." He takes my hand a pulls me from his grip.

Never in my life have I been so grateful of this man. He is going to be my hero for the rest of the night. He drags me over to Girish and turns me to face him, "You okay?"

"I owe you my life because that shit was fucking scary!" I say quieting my curse words a bit so only he can hear them. At that we both break out laughing. I'm still pissed but I need a good laugh!

We laugh a bit longer but we straighten up as more tributes file into the lobby to leave. Once everyone is present we leave for the interviews. We are allowed to watch the other tributes get interviewed, but I really don't care much for it.

I hear only a few words from each competitor. Soon, sooner than I thought actually, it's my turn.

"She made quite a first impression in the chariot rides, and she got a very impressive score. Please welcome Noelle from district twelve!" Caesar calls out.

I approach the stage and plaster a huge grin on my face. I shake hands with Caesar before we begin, "Welcome to the Capitol Noelle."

"Thank you, you're the first person to tell me that since I've been here" I laugh a little.

"So Noelle, you have had quite a ride here in the Capitol am I right?"

"Oh you can't come here and not have a ride. "

"What do you mean?"

"Well you have quite clearly taken notice to my attire tonight and of course the dress I wore for the chariots" Everyone applauds at the memory.

"That was my favorite" He jokes with me.

"Yes my stylist Avedis did wonderful things to me that night" I laugh before I continue, "And then with training and getting such a high score, I couldn't believe that score first off. But I've show a few angles of myself. I'm confident and proud, even though I didn't know I had a sexy bone in my body until I came here."

"No! You?" Caesar emphasizes his shock.

"It's not like I'm clumsy or anything it's just I didn't know I was sexy. I mean it's not like I have ever had anyone to be sexy for."

"You've never had a boyfriend?"

"Nope. I've never even held a boys hand."

"So Noelle is looking for love everybody!" Caesar addresses to crowd to which they applaud.

"I've also showed that I'm not just any other competitor, I've showed that I can fight and fight well."

"You seem to have quite a lot of potential to win."

"I sure do hope so" I smile "But the side I'm talking about is my sweeter side. It's become subdued over my time here, and I just wanted my family to know that I haven't changed. I'm still little Noelle Love" I smile broadly. As I do the buzzer sounds.

"Thank you Noelle and good luck to you." Caesar stands up and takes my hand "Noelle Garner District twelve!" As an extra little thing I spin around showing off my dress at which the crowd swoons and screams my name.

I exit the stage and find Haymitch waiting for me. "Nice job flashing the crowd there Love"

"Thank you!" I laugh lightly. Barnard barely makes it through his interview almost throwing up all over the stage. We make it back to our rooms all in one piece.

I wash myself off and slip into bed. I'm excited, tomorrows the games! Maybe not exactly tomorrow but close to there. I can be myself for the first time in sixteen years. I get to be who I am!

* * *

_Game time! I'm excited anyone else excited?_


	10. Chapter 10 The First Day

I wake up at seven in the morning, I feel well rested and pretty damned prepared. I get up and shower once I do, I leave the bathroom and find a light weight spandex jump suit. It had long pant legs and short sleeves.

I put it on because it is clearly for the games. I exit my room where I meet Haymitch in the hallway. He takes me to the elevator and from there we head up to the roof. "Alright Love your going into the games today and I expect you to come back. I only have one piece of advice to give you... Don't do anything stupidly regrettable."

"Yes sir" I smile. We reach the roof and a helicopter is waiting. The moment just got extremely surreal, I sigh almost happily as I board the helicopter.

The other tributes file in and we take off the moment the last tribute is strapped in. As we lift off the windows black out. We sit in stiff silence and soon two people enter our area. They go to each tribute and stick a needle into their arm, inserting a tracker.

After a few minutes of flying, we are each taken to a separate chamber under the arena. There is food and water as well as our stylists. Avedis encourages me to eat and drink my fill so I do as he says.

"You know Noelle it's been such a pleasure to design clothes for you, each and every one of my friends is rooting for you dear" I smile at him as I finish eating. I sit with him in silence for a few moments as I drink some more water.

"Tributes please enter your release chambers." A voice is heard. I draw in a deep breath and stand up. Avedis hugs me before I go, "I've already started designing outfits for you victory tour." He whispers. I smile again, he hands me a jacket with my district number on it. I put it on and stand where I was told to.

Suddenly I'm in a glass capsule and again I take deep breaths. I look out the glass and see Avedis wave a bit. I slowly rise out of the ground and into the arena.

There is a blinding light at first, but as soon as my eyes adjust I can see the arena perfectly. We are surrounded by water! The venue is the rocky outskirts of an island. Waves crash against the rocks and I feel at home.

On the island is a thick forest and I see cliffs along the island. All the tributes are on a large flat rock in the center of the spiked rocks. In the center is the cornucopia.

"Tributes ready!" We hear the same voice over the arena.

"Three"

"Two"

"One" And the battle begins. Of course my fellow tributes first instincts are to run to the cornucopia but I know better. I see Barnard make a massive leap to one of the spiked rocks and he begins to jump to the island.

Damn, I think, He's an agile little monkey.

Anyway I know better, I turn immediately to the tribute from eleven and run to her. She's frazzled and terrified easy target.

I run to her and grasp her throat tightly cutting off her breath. I wring her neck until she's through her squirming fit. I feel her neck crutch and break I shake her limp body a bit and toss her into the water.

One down, twenty two to go. I head into the cornucopia, I catch the boy from six, he's trying to make off with some knives.

I grab his wrists and twist him to face me. His eyes turn wide with fear. I slap him to near unconsciousness he falls to the ground and I kick his gut as hard as I can.

He rolls over in pain but fear is stronger. He unsheathes a knife and runs toward me. I gasp his knife wielding hand and twist his arm making him stab his own stomach. It's not enough he still stands to face me.

I run this time towards his knife He knocks me to the ground and I have to struggle to keep him from stabbing me. I feel his blood trickling down my own side. My grip slips and he is able to slash my left shoulder. Not deep and it feels more like a scrape. I flip him off of me.

For a second the wind is knocked out of him. A second is all I need to kick his excessively bloody body into the water.

Lucky for me he can't swim. He struggles and struggles to catch breath but it's no use blood mixes with water, a sight I have not seen in a while. He can't breathe and soon his body is too tired to continue and he sinks to the depths of the arena.

I turn my attention back to the blood bath and it sure is. Blood splattered onto the cornucopia and dead children lay around it I count four but the battle still rages on.

I run into the fight still unarmed I look around and see one girl from district three looking for a way out. She's my age so hell yeah it's a fair fight.

I run to her and smash her head against the cornucopia I crush her skull instantly I can feel the fused bone shatter. I think she's dead before she rebounds off of the thing. Three people dead by my own hands.

I desperately want to change my form all the blood everywhere. I feel bad letting it all go to waste my thirst for blood is raging!

I must wait for the right moment though. I turn around and see that my allies are fighting off three others. They double up on each unfortunate tribute. They are killed in half an hour tops. Ten tributes dead.

Fabulous fourteen tributes left, six until I get to kill off these unsuspecting idiots.

One looks around at the damage. "Nice work" He complements. I step up from the side of the cornucopia where three's girl lay dead.

"Thanks" I laugh.

"What happened?" His eyes grow as he sees my stomach drenched in blood. I look down.

"Oh it's not mine." I hold back a laugh.

"Alright, come on everyone gather a few things and lets go hunting." One announces. Everyone grabs an assortment of weapons. I take the daggers that flew off of six during my brawl. Finally I get to feel water again! For the first time in sixteen year I can feel the water on my skin that is cool and not filtered for a bath.

I'm just about to go in when I hear four come up from behind me. "Hey twelve scared of a little water are we?" I realize I was just staring at it, and also that I'm from district twelve, I don't know how to swim. At least I shouldn't know how to swim.

I regain my character, "I've never swam before" I say calmly.

He smirks at me, "I'll take you"

"What?"

"When it's time to go just jump on my back" He nears me and takes my hand. "I have yet to have the pleasure, I'm Layton" He grins. He's really tall and probably seventeen. He has green eyes like mine but dark hair.

"Noelle, don't call me twelve or I might think your One"

"Nice to meet you Noelle" He leans down and kisses both of my cheeks.

"Are we all ready to go?" One shouts enraged. He must have seen Layton kiss my cheeks. We all nod "Good come on let's get into that water!"

He dives right in and the others follow. Layton gently takes my hands and wraps my arms around his neck. He jumps in last and I feel covered in the sea water. I'm home and I can't be happier.

We resurface and I gasp trying to act my role. "You okay Noelle?" Layton asks worried.

"Just go" I cough out. It's fun to play helpless, I think. He swims slower than I know he can go. We're the last two to reach the island.

When he can stand he assumes I can too... I can't because he's like six foot and I'm five foot six inches.

He drops me and I'm engulfed in water I feel great to be in water again but I have to 'fight it'. I struggle to resurface and when I do Layton takes my hand apologetically.

When I can stand we tread on to meet the others. We all walk into the forest with our weapons out ready to attack if necessary.

We venture into the woods and now I feel out of my element. I hold my own weapons close to my chest. My hearing becomes heightened, and my body raises it's alert systems. I can hear every breath each of my allies make.

I see each detail in the damp dirt. I hear a soft step to my right and without thinking launch my dagger into the trees.

"Paranoid twelve?" One chuckles, but suddenly I hear a stuttered shock and a tiny thud. Maybe it's my imagination but who cares. I take off after the sound, "Twelve where are you going?"

"Noelle!" I hear Layton running behind me.

"In the trees!" Is the last thing I hear as I run to the sound. I see up ahead a small clear patch and a slope that leads to a river valley. In the middle is district three's boy.

I pause and see that my dagger landed right in his eye. He staggers to stand up, he screams in pain as he tries to pull it out. With the knife his eye comes, he shouts and covers his bleeding eye socket.

He opens his other eye to see me. Well I have to kill him now, I think, I can't let him suffer like that.

I run out from the bushes and smack him to the ground, as I do he grabs me with his gory hand and we tumble down the hill.

He struggles to find my shoulders to pin me down. He finally gets on top of me. I get a clear view of me handy work.

His eye socket is filled with blood and drips onto my face. He looks like he's crying blood.

He rips his own eye off the dagger and tries to stab me. I try with all I have to fight back. My arms are shaking trying to hold him back.

They give in and he slashes across my chest wounding my breastbone. I cry out in pain, as my skin is ripped. Then Layton jumps my attacker, knocking him far away from me. I curl up on my side for a second and have some blood on my hands.

I take a deep breath and pick up my knife that was knocked out of his hand.

I see Layton kicked off three and as he flies I dash over to three.

I step on his leg and try to stab him.

He beats me to it and slaps my hand flinging the knife away from us.

With my free hand I reach for his neck. With one quick swipe I grab hold of his Adams apple and am able to tear it out.

He dies instantly, I can't believe the damage I've done to him. His throat gashed open and ripped in inhuman ways. His eye still bleeds heavily and the hollowness is haunting.

I gasp for my breath and for a few seconds I want to cry. I shake the feeling immediately, I turn to Layton who is just recovering from his attack.

"You okay?" I ask running to him.

"I'm better than him." He sits up. "What happened to your face?"

"It's his blood." I say I look over to the river. I scoot over to it on my knees and wash my face off with the water.

I do the same to my sternum cleaning my wound with the purest water available. I look over at threes unmoving body and wonder why his cannon hasn't sounded. Were they still looking around the blood bath for the dead?

"Noelle come on They'll be wondering where we are." Layton reaches the river next to me. I nod, give my face one last wash and follow him back up the hill.

I stop for a moment and see three's eye just sitting there on the ground. It's like it's looking at me. Like it's looking into my soul. I shake it off and continue to follow Layton.

We reach the trees and begin to maneuver around them. We hear a high pitched shriek, Layton turns back to me with confusion.

We make haste back to our group and we see that they have had a fair share of fighting. There are arrows scattered in the trees. I see that blood has splashed along the trees, and as I survey the area I see district ones girl surrounded by the other tributes in my alliance.

"Twelve! Layton! Where were you?" One asks angered.

"We had a little battle of our own." Layton answers.

"The boy from three is dead" I announce.

"Well at least you didn't just run from a fight." He turns back to the cluster of tributes.

"What happened?"I ask.

"The girl from seven, She was in the trees. She had a spear, she was insanely good. She got away but not before..." He goes back to her. I approach and see a large slit from her hip to her knee. It's swollen and bleeding.

Her face is one of absolute shock and pain. She's crying and gripping onto the girl from two's hand.

Her leg is quite disturbing and I swear that it's three times the size of the other one. As I look at it I remember one of the plants Barnard and I learned about.

I turn swiftly back in the direction I came from. "Twelve where the hell do you think you're going?" One asks bolting after me.

"Just trust me!" I run down to the hill where I fought and Threes body is gone thank god. I reach the riverbank until I see the white flowery plant.

I pick up one stalk of it and collect the leaves. "Twelve what are you doing?"

"Just go with it" I say crunching the leaves in my hands as best I can without a mortar.

"No this is my partner Twelve!" I don't respond I just continue on my way back to the others. "Twelve stop!"

"Do you want me to save her or do you want her to die? If it's the first one shut up and don't ask questions! If it's the second one I'll stop, just say the word! " I stop my work to yell at him.

Now he's silent, we make our way back and the grind is as good as it can be. "Move" I say to the boy from Two who is right at her left leg.

"Alright, this is going to make it better" I address her, "But it's going to hurt like a bitch so will someone hold down her other leg please?" The girl from four does so, I move all of the plant into my left hand, "Alright someone hold down her shoulders please." One holds her arms down.

"I'm going to start now okay?" I ask her, she nods. Poor girl must not know what's coming to her. I begin to let the fine bits fall to her leg. The moment it touches the wound she wails in pain.

Everyone flinches except me, I continue my work. She tries to jerk her leg away from me but my leg has hers pinned down.

She's screaming and I can hear her voice breaking. Her eyes can't produce more tears at a faster pace. She barely breaths before screaming again. I'm unfazed and everyone is staring in horror.

"Stop she can't take it!" Fours girl shouts over her screams.

"I can't stop now." I says simply, "Shut her up!"

"I can't just do that!" One shouts back at me. I roll my eyes. This was why I pushed everything into my left hand. I unsheathe my dagger flip it and knock her back with the end of it.

It instantly becomes silent, as I put my weapon back. "Why would you do that?" One asks.

"She won't want to be awake for this next part." I say.

"There's more?" Layton asks bewildered.

"Oh, honey if only you knew"

"What does that mean?" Four asks me. I finish off the grains of the plant.

"Everyone stand back" I warn backing away quickly. Almost as if it was choreographed as soon as everyone's out of the way her leg starts to convulse and spas out.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Two's girl asks me. I stare intently for five minutes until the violent episode is over.

I walk over to her calmly and take off my jacket. I rip both of my sleeves off of my jumpsuit, I tear the seams, and wrap each around her leg tentatively.

I put my jacket back on and stand up. "I'm going to wash my hands off."

"Why? Twelve don't you dare leave before giving us an explanation!"

I huff, "That plant I just used, It's called Hemlock. It grows around rivers. It's highly poisonous-"

"Poisonous! You poisoned her?" Fours girl shouted.

"Let me finish! It's highly poisonous if swallowed. But you grind it up and let the poison flow. Once you do that you put it in the wound, it burns like hell and the pain can kill you at first."

"What?" The boy from two shrieks.

"I. Am. Not. Finished! Anyway, it's best that it's administered by someone else when you're asleep. Once it's on it burns like hell and it causes seizures. Once the appendage stops seizing you wrap it up and it conceals the poison and before anyone interrupts me let me explain further!

"It's poisonous because it kills all the bacteria in your body even the kind you need to live. So when you put it in the wound it kills all the bacteria in the wound that would have given her a fever and killed her in two days tops!" I shout as I see One begin to argue.

"Now the seizure is caused when the poison starts to grow less and less as the bacteria dies. Once all the bacteria is all dead the poison dies too. So you have to wrap the wound because that is as clean as it gets. Now I have to go wash my hands before they start to seize!" I shout and storm off to the river.

I get there and wash my hands until I'm sure they are totally clean. I flick off any extra water and I stand up. I turn to leave and I'm swept up in One's arms, "Thank you" He whispers in my ear.

"Won't your girlfriend hate you hugging me while she's unconscious" I say trying not to sound as disgusted as I am.

"She's my sister... I said that in the interview." He looks at me strangely.

"Do you honestly think I paid any attention to the other interviews?" I ask a bit frazzled and embarrassed.

"I wouldn't put it past you twelve." He says still holding me tightly.

"... You can let go now" I say trying to pry myself free. He loosens his grip and looks into my eyes. Well it's official, I'm deeply and utterly confused.

"You should heal that" He says looking down at me breastbone cut. Great, I think, just one more reason for him to look at my chest.

"I don't think I will." I say backing out of his grip.

"Are we really still playing this game twelve?" He laughs.

"It seems to me that we are just destined to be part of a game." I say backing up still.

"Glad you haven't changed at all Twelve and here I thought-" I can't hear him because I back up to far to the edge and fall into the river. It's deep, really deep. My feet can't find the ground and I freak out a bit. I feel a disturbance in my surroundings and feel something grab my waist.

I realize that it's One, but I'm clearly exhausted because I can't tell what happened for a few moments. We surface and I gasp for breath. He swims the both of us to where he can walk.

"Careful there" He laughs. What happened to the ass face I met in the Capitol? Is he trying to be nice? What is this? He swings my legs so he can cradle me. Now I feel so awkward I could just die.

We reach land and he finally lets me stand on my own. We walk back to 'camp' where the other four tributes in our group are arguing.

"Hey guys calm down what's going on?" One steps forward.

"We need to get back to the cornucopia, we need to have access to our supplies," The girl from two says.

"We can't go back!" The boy from two steps up.

"Her leg will get infected Opal!" Layton says, "Chavri listen to Cephas! We can't go!"

"Yeah we can" I step in.

"How? You seem to be a good problem solver." District two's boy asks in an almost pleading tone.

"She'll be fine in two days. Even if she was in salt water It would just sting. She'll be fine, and if she's not she's a total wimp." I shrug.

"So we'll go back." One straitens up. "Come on!"

We all pick up our weapons while One picks up his sister, and head back to the beach. When we get there Layton helps me onto his back and we all swim back to the cornucopia. One lays his sister out and I pick a random spot on the rock. I will have no trouble at all sleeping here.

It'll be like home again. I curl up closer to the edge of the rock plat form and fall asleep.

* * *

_Yay Hunger games!_


	11. Chapter 11 The Calm

I wake with a start, I hear the loud roar of the cannons. The sky is dark now, and there is no moon in the sky. I bolt up to a sitting position.

"It's okay Noelle," Layton appears at my side, "They just finished counting the death toll."

That made one, I knew for sure of four, The girl from Eleven Who was my first kill I wrung her neck, The boy from Six who I stabbed and drowned, The girl from Three whose skull I smashed, and The boy from Three who lost his eye and I tore out his Adams apple.

There are eleven cannon fires, and I now see those who I didn't kill. The girl from Five, The boy from Eight, The girl from Eight, The girl from Nine, The boy from Nine, The girl from Ten, The boy from Ten.

The sky flashes again before the pictures disappear. I don't feel safe, I don't like just doing nothing. I have to fall asleep now I can't afford to think of anything else.

I lay down and curl myself into a ball. Not because I'm afraid or cold, I just don't feel right. There is something wrong in my surroundings.

I shake it off and fall asleep. I have a dream this night. I dream about the wide open sea. I dream about how this arena was built for me.

My mother is there she tells me that my fate is now my own. She tells me that she's done her part. That it's my turn to change the fates.

"Noelle! Come on we're going to shore." Layton wakes me up. I sit up and look around everyone's eating. They invite me to eat with them. We have fruit, crackers, dried jerky, and other portable food sources.

I eat just enough to edge away the hunger. I'm going to shore with Layton, the girl from two, and the boy from two. One, and Four are staying with One's sister.

We head off into the woods again. I'm on my guard as I was yesterday. We quickly surpass where we were stationed yester day. We cross a few small streams and a jump on rocks for some fun.

As we tread through I never lose my control. It's midday when I hear a faint sound, I slow my pace a bit, I turn to look up in the trees.

I see a sad fearful face. I see the face of Barnard. He gives me a pleading look. I faintly smile and nod. He smiles back and it seems like no one moves, time stops. Everything stops, I get to see Barnard's childish little smile.

"Hey What are you looking at Twelve?" I hear Two approaching. Barnard's eyes grow as do mine. "Hey!" She shouts running towards us.

She shoves me out of the way and onto the ground. She pulls back her arrows to shoot. "No!" I shout jumping up as she fires an arrow and misses.

She reloads as I yell, "Run Barnard! Do you hear me? Run!" He nods and begins to jump again. Two fires a few arrows missing him each time.

She aims once more and I topple over her and straddle her torso. "What's wrong with you Twelve?" She struggles to stand but my angry grip holds her down.

"You will not touch him! So help me God I will break your neck in more ways than you can even imagine." I growl.

"Are you nuts Twelve?"

"You will not hurt him!" I smash my fists into her shoulders. "Do you comprehend what I'm saying?"

"I do! I do! I just don't understand, why?"

"Because he's from my district and I will not have someone in my alliance killing my partner!"

"Okay! Okay! Calm down Twelve!"She puts her hands up in defeat.

"What was that?" Layton asks finally catching up with us. I stand up and offer her a hand which she takes as a peace offering.

"Nothing Layton come on," I say taking the lead. He agrees reluctantly and we explore the island all day and into the night. Not a single kill, the Capitol must be fuming.

I go to sleep and in the morning we eat very little we are heading back to the cornucopia today. About mid way though our journey we come across a heavy footed tribute.

Layton hears him first and waves us toward the general direction. Two loads her bow. I'm really impressed they let her handle that thing she could kill anyone of us on accident! She shoots and the boy who just so happens to be from Five. He catches it with one hand and snaps it in half with the other.

My first thought? Those arrow are made out of fucking silver! Oh fuck we're so screwed. We really aren't though, Layton charges out and throws a few good hits. He really doesn't need a weapon does he?

Anyway, it's a boring fight Two shoots Five in the side and he runs off, Awesome! Now it's evening, we take our time we drink from the stream, eat the remainder of our food and take quick naps. In the early, early morning all three of us are up and in the water to the cornucopia.

When we get there no one else is awake.

"We are going to scare the crap out of them, " I whisper to Two.

She chuckles, "I dare you to cuddle with one of them" I chuckle back and nod. Layton hears and chuckles with us. He goes to the girl from his own district, Two goes to the boy from her own district and I'm left with One.

I role my eyes as I curl up behind him putting my arm on his shoulder. I press my body up to his and he is so warm, I really don't want to move.

I'm holding back laughter and I feel him stirring, As I'm about to draw back he grabs my hand. "Who is this?" He asks cautiously. I jump over his body and reveal myself. He laughs childishly, "Nicely done Twelve."

"What happened to the extremely degrading ass I once knew?" I ask with actual anger. Was he trying to be nice or was he an ass? I couldn't fucking tell!

"Two's over there" He sits up.

"Wow so nice to your allies!"

"I know. Come on Twelve I'm taking you and Charvi to shore."

"Again? I just got back."

"Yeah but you've got killer instincts."

"Don't flatter me." Those are the last words I say before the others wake up.

Right before we head out, I have to again remind myself that I can't swim.

"It's okay Twelve I've got you" One says taking my hand and jumping into the water. I'm jerked in after him. The three of us One, Four , and I make our way to the island. We explore all day and have no luck.

When evening nears we all make camp. "You know you should really wash that thing off" One comments rudely on my sleeveless jumpsuit. Yay the crude boy I hate is back! He's right though It's still stained with blood from the first day.

"Alright I say heading towards the river That holds some memories. The one where One became nice, where I killed Three, where I saved One's sister.

I strip down, now not wearing anything I decide it's not too bad an idea to bathe. I lay my jumpsuit soaking it though I know it won't make a huge difference. I see some of the blood lift up and out of the fabric.

I take out my hair because it's falling out and extremely messy. I step in carefully getting to a point where I able to sit comfortably. I start to scrub my jumpsuit and when it's as good as it's going to get I lay it out on a rock by the bank.

I slither back into the water and dunk my head under getting on my knees. I come back up and smooth down my hair, "I don't think now would be an appropriate time to drown Twelve" I jump to my feet startled. "there is no modesty with you is there twelve?"

I realize then that I'm completely naked. "You realize that all of Panem has just seen your bare breasts right?"

"I don't care what they see! They took ownership of me the moment I was reaped into these Games!" I spit at him slowly taking large pieces of hair to cover my body.

"It's alright, Twelve their a nice pair I've got to hand it to you"

"Crude as usual."

"I thought you liked my crude side better"

"It's better than the kind part I'll give you that" I say kneeling back down into the water. He takes off his jacket and lays it on the grass. I turn away and tease my hair preparing to put it back up. I hear him taking off his jumpsuit.

I begin to wrap my hair into a bun and I hear him step into the water. I hear him make his way to me. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!

"Leave it down" I hear him whisper into my ear. His hand climbs up to mine and unravels my hair. That is really, really creepy. His arms land on my shoulders and he kisses my neck. Red flag! Red Flag stop right there buster!

He kisses my jaw bone and his hand finds its way to my breast. Red flag! Get your hand off me. I can't do anything my eyes are wide and my fear of being raped has just skyrocketed!

He reaches my ear and spins me to face him. He leans down and kisses me full on. My eyes are wide open and I'm so pissed, I can't believe this!

Then he takes things way too far and I feel his tongue slip into my mouth. I can't take this, I smack him lightly at first hoping he'll get the picture. He doesn't I smack him three more times until he pulls back.

"Too far, way too far!" I wave my arms to add emphasis. His arms are still around my waist, "Actually you passed way too far when you grabbed my breast." He opens his mouth and stutters a bit before speaking.

"Sorry Twelve I-"

"Only you can kiss a girl and still not know her name huh?" I ask tying my hair up. He sighs and looks into my eyes.

"I just kissed you didn't I?"

"Oh honey you did more than just kiss me." I shake a bit as the evening comes in bringing the cold. I climb out of the water and my jumpsuit is still soaked through. I pick up my jacket and zip it up. I'm still freezing so it will defiantly be a long night.

I pick up my jumpsuit so I can take it with me. One get's his cloths and jacket on and we head back to camp.

"What took you so long?" Four asked.

"It was really hard to clean" I say simply holding up my jumpsuit. She shrugs obviously not caring too much. I hang my jump suit nearby and hope it doesn't get taken. We eat a small meal before we decide to sleep.

I curl into a ball trying to keep myself warm. I'm not comfortable at all but I fall asleep anyway. I wake up around two hours later. I sigh a bit and I feel a surrounding warmth. One has curled up next to me probably because I was clearly cold. I shiver a bit, his arms are around my waist and my chest. I don't really care and fall back asleep.

I wake up again and it's still dark I feel really cold even with One around me, I'm sure I'm sick. I'm always this restless when I'm sick. I try to fall asleep but when I do I wake up in another hour each time.

Well this sucks, I think as the sun rises over the horizon. I feel One begin to stir a while later, and I hear Four also. I fake sleep because maybe I'll be luck and actually sleep.

"Morning, Charvi" One wakes up. "I guess you finally warmed up huh Twelve?" I don't move I just continue my breathing pattern. "Twelve?" He leans over and strokes my, more than likely, flushed cheeks.

"She okay?" Four asks obviously getting ready.

"I-... I think she's sick." He says with his hand still on my face.

"You sure?" Four comes over and kneels next to me. She has really cool hands that feel good against my skin. "Aw crap what are we gonna do?" Four asks taking away her hand, "Well let's head-" We hear a rustle toward the river area. "Come on" She takes One's hand

"What about Twelve?" One asks.

"She'll be fine for a few minutes come on." As soon as I'm sure their gone I sit up. Immediately regretting it as my head spins. Then I start hallucinating and I see a white bird slowly float down to me. Wait that's not a bird it's a parachute.

It lands right next to me and I unwrap it. **For a fabulous performance Love. Also if you're going to keep that up you really shouldn't be sick. ~H** At this exact moment I hate Haymitch for thinking I planned this. I crumple up the paper and toss it behind me.

Inside is a bottle of medicine that was very peculiar to me.

"It fell over here!" I hear Four and One heading back. I look up but the sun is far too bright at the moment.

I cover my face with one hand and try to examine the bottle with the other.

"Twelve" Four says coming closer to me. "What is that?"

"I don't know my mentor sent it" I show it to her and she nods.

"Oh just take a sip of that and you'll be fixed in no time I'll bet!" She says. I look unsure but alright worth a shot.

I open the bottle and the liquid inside smells foul, and it tastes even worse. I choke on it a bit as I swallow it.

"Twelve you're up" One says entering the clearing.

"Her mentor sent her meds" Four smiles, "Come on Twelve let's see if it worked." She takes my arm and lifts me off the ground I take a few steps and One joins us. Just in time to catch me while I faint.

* * *

_I want to know if anyone has any ideas for a good old fashioned corny speach. She hasn't had one in a while and I feel like I don't talk to my readers enough. Comment if you have any idea's for a moral change! Thanks again guys!_


	12. Chapter 12 Before the Storm

_Warning you right now this is a very... detailed part. It's got a lot of vivid pictures so if you're light hearted you might just want to skim to the end... This is why my story is T rated just saying it'll probably get worse._

* * *

"You've killed us Lassa!" Is the next thing I hear. I can't open my eyes, for I am blind.

"How could you kill us like that Lassa?" I hear a new voice

"Why would you do such a thing Lassa?" A new voice comes out.

"Where is your humanity Lassa?" I hear children small children and I feel them tugging at me.

"Do you even have a soul?" A girl asks me.

"Are you even aware of what you're doing?" A small boy asks. I feel these children climb my body.

"You don't deserve life!" One shouts.

"You are not human!" The children scream at me crying and the pull on my hair and skin ripping at me.

"This is just a game for you!" I feel a bareness surround me.

"Have you no shame?" I feel blood slowly run down my body.

"Have you no humility?" I feel my eyes being scratched at until I'm thankful I'm blind.

"I hope the ride was fun" I hear a soft whisper as all the commotion stop and I can no longer feel anything.

I open my eyes and I can see I'm home... I'm a siren again and I'm basking in the sun. I look around at the land I'm on, I'm home it's bright and warm.

But it's stripped of all life. The island that was once green and bright is weather beaten and not alive.

"Mother!" I call out, "Mother" I scream louder as fear retches up inside me. "Mother!" I scream until my voice cracks. I gasp and choke back tears.

"My little Thalassa" I hear"

"Mother?" I turn and in the water I see my mother. She has an evil grin on her face. I smile lightly and I move towards her.

"Mother " I whisper.

"Lassa" She smiles wider. I lunge to hold her but when I touch her my skin sears, and as soon as I pull back it disintegrates.

"Mother!" I shout in pain.

"You are not one of us any more Lassa!" Mother says creeping up the side of the rock. Suddenly I see my sisters surrounding me.

They all laugh menacingly and the danger level increases. My skin burns still scorched from my mother's touch and the last thing I dare see is my family beginning to eat my flesh.

I scream in a singed pain. My skin blisters as they feast upon me. The blisters ooze puss and blood. They are not fazed.

The last thing I hear is the song. My song the sirens song.

I'm in a sitting position when my eyes finally open. I'm sitting in a dark cavern far below the surface. Only a few streams of light come in through the cracks in the rocks.

The sea water is cold and unusually still, I don't even feel like I'm in water. I look down at myself and I'm not wearing anything. I'm still human and I can't seem to understand what's happening.

"Lassa" I hear a calm serene voice. At the sound my legs turn into a tail, it's blue instead of the green I used to have the one that matched my eyes. I feel my hair shorten and reach my waist.

"Lassa" I hear the sweet voice again. I feel a tearing in my heart as she speaks. I feel my stomach lurch and my face burns.

"Lassa, When are you coming home Lassa" The milky voice taunts me further. The pain in my heart grows, I double over in pain and cry out.

"Lassa" The musical tone is eerily cheerful. I breath heavily, sitting upright again.

"Kyla?" I ask trying to advance forward in my conversation.

"Lassa," Kyla appears in front of me, her eyes are hard and unkind. This is not the sister I left behind.

"Kyla what?" I stop and look into her cold expression.

"Little baby Lassa" She floats down to me. "You're not doing very well Lassa" Every time she says my name coldly I feel a sharp pang in my head, my tail, my everything.

"Kyla if I could speed up this process I would but-"

"Little baby Lassa" She interrupts her soul piercing stare increases, "You were so small so... unprepared to face the world."

"Kyla?"

"Little Lassa, " She strokes my face with cold unforgiving hands, " You have lost sight of your home Lassa, been sidetracked by the human world." She smacks be brutally with the back of her hand cutting my face and tearing the skin so my teeth are showing.

"Kyla, what are you doing to me?"

"Poor baby Lassa, missing the point of everything!" She shouts with a clear voice.

"What?"

"That's not the point, you're not doing your job" I know what she means as I scream in pain again.

"Kyla!" I shout again.

"Lassa! You know what you're supposed to do! So do it!" She thrashes my body to the rock wall. My ears catch the sound of every bone in my body break.

I gasp and cough out blood.

"Poor baby Lassa!" She shouts as her voice turns more grotesque. She grabs my throat and slings me to the floor shattering my spine. I shriek and tighten all my muscles.

"Poor Baby!" She shouts again pulling me by my hair and slamming my body into a wall. My ribs break the barrier of my skin and blood pours from my chest.

Kyla is changing form with every blow she strikes against me. Her hair gets wild and messy. Her skin wrinkles and blisters. She grows thin and lanky. Her strength never wavers.

I shout for help my throat burns like there is some kind of a fire inside it.

"Sweet Lassa!" She rips the skin off my forehead.

"Kind caring Lassa!" She pounds her fist into my neck shattering the remains of my spine.

"Brave Lassa!" She grabs my left ear and rips it off with her claw like fingers.

"Childish Lassa!" She swims menacingly to my tail, her eyes are wild with insanity.

"Free Lassa!" She says ripping my fin in half. I scream in agony watching my blood lift out of my body and to the cracks of the cavern.

"Killer Lassa!" She squeals wickedly grabbing my right arm and with her teeth she rips it off at the elbow.

"Dead Lassa!" She cries as she digs her nails into my chest ripping my still beating heart out.

With one last earth shattering wail I'm dead.

* * *

She's screeching in pain, her screams are my pain. I'm sure all the island can hear her. I'm sure all the world can hear her.

They've heard her scream for her mother, They've heard her cry in pain, they have seen it all. I'm sure I'm one of the millions who's heart is shattered with each wail.

She's just asleep in my arms and I can't wake her. She's sweating from fear of her dark dreams whatever they maybe.

I can't take it anymore, Charvi warned me not to wake her because the medicine was working but I can't just watch her suffer like this.

"Noelle!" I shout feeling strange using her real name, "Noelle it's not real."

She just screams louder, whatever her nightmare is about I can't imagine.

"Damn it Twelve wake up!" I shake her shoulders furiously and to my surprise her eyes flutter open.

* * *

My eyes open and I'm gasping for breath, I'm afraid it's another nightmare, I'm afraid of what else my mind can scare me with. My sick twisted brain showing all my fears.

Showing me that I was not a part of my family that I failed them. My human fears were more real scared me more. They told me that I was a killer and that I had no soul.

I can't decide what scares me more. My death didn't scare me, what my family did however...Did.

"Twelve?" I look into Ones eyes and I don't care who he is. I wrap my arms around him. I need to be held to some ones live beating heart. I need to not feel burning skin. I need... I need... I need my sanity back.

He returns my actions by holding me and I try my hardest not to cry. I can't cry, not here not in front of an audience.

I'm afraid, I'm more afraid of everything than I ever thought I could be. I'm afraid, so my soul breaks. So I let this ass hold me, I'm broken and I'm not sure I'll ever feel fixed again.

* * *

_So I cried writing this, because well this is really scarry and based on a real dream I had... So I'm a crazy person! Anyway Thanks guys!_


	13. Chapter 13 Fire

I don't say anything I shake away the nightmares. I breath heavily and try to hold back any tears my eyes try to produce. Everything is silent I don't move, I can't move. Not yet I can't do anything except let One hold me, as much as I hate saying it I need him.

I need to feel something real, I need to know that this world I'm in is real. But if I'm going to be completely honest this real world is just as frightening as the world I just left. I need him to just hold me, I need in this one moment, I need him.

So we sit in silence I don't cry, I don't say anything, he rubs my back slightly in an attempt to comfort me. Finally after a few hours of recovering I finally pull back. I look at the ground and I feel his gaze intently on me.

"I should change" I say wavering as I stand. He catches me and helps me to get my jumpsuit on.

"I'll go get some water." Four says leaving us alone. Once I'm changed I feel light headed again. One takes my hand and guides me safely to the ground. I start to stare off into space refusing to think about that dream, it doesn't even deserve that word.

I sigh shakily trying to sort out what to do next. My mind is flooded with fear. I can't focus, I can't think of anything other than that damned nightmare it was enough to make me sick. I can't hold back my tears anymore. I owe myself tears.

So I cry, suddenly breaking the silence gasping for breath I'll do anything to make this pain go away, I'll do anything! He takes me in his arms again lending me his shoulder.

That's when I realize what will take away this pain. I sob a bit and look up at him. His face is one of worry and apology. Without thinking I lean in to let his lips touch mine.

I have tears streaming down my face and he's wary at first, but soon neither of us care. I need something to take the weight away.

As I let him take me in his warm arms I think back to those children

'How could you kill us Lassa?' To go home to my family to my mother and sisters. I answer the question mentally.

'Why would you do such a thing Lassa?' Because I'm greedy, and I have two families waiting for me.

'Where is your humanity Lassa?' I shouldn't have any at all I'm not human, but I have humanity whether I like it or not.

'Do you even have a soul?' Sadly yes I do my soul is damned to this earth just like everyone else.

'Have you no shame?' I'm regretful to say no I have no shame, I'm not afraid of who I am and who I must be.

'Have you no humility?' I don't think modesty is in my nature, even here. Even in this damned place.

'Are you aware of what you're doing?' I'm breaking people just by living, I'm breaking hearts stealing lives, tearing the very life out of children who should be playing, I'm stealing the chance for families to be happy again. I'm Evil and cruel, relentless which is why I hate this question.

I'm a ruthless killer and at that thought my human side over takes me making me pull away from One. I leave his warm soft lips and cry again I gasp trying to grasp hold of my emotions.

My voice shakes and everything in my mind is cowering away. It's trying to hide from the new ideas the new images I have witnessed.

He takes me back in his arms still not frightened by me. I can't calm myself for fifteen minutes. The whole time he doesn't waver and Four doesn't return.

Finally my breath settles my bright red face relaxes and my little episode of fear and pity is over.

The sun is setting now, I can feel everything inside me tense up. The night brings sleep, and sleep will surely bring back the nightmares of those terrible, awful things. Never again will I dream of those things, I swear to myself.

Four came back to the clearing with two filled water bottles. One and I drink our fill we eat very little before turning in for the night. Four stands watch while One and I sleep. But One is the only one of us who sleeps.

After an hour I just tell Four she can sleep. She is reluctant at first but she can see my determination, she curls up and sleeps.

I wrangle myself free of One's grip and lean against a tree. My muscles are still weak my bones are shaken and shot from exhaustion. But I can't let myself sleep, I can't bring myself to sleep.

I sit alone with only my thoughts screaming at me. They're yelling at me shouting random spurts of information. Sporadic opinions fill my aching head.

These thoughts tell me I'm wrong that my dreams were just hallucinations from the medicine I took. Others say that the dreams are right, that I'm no longer part of my family.

Some say that fears are alright to have, the other more dominate parts say that fear is for the weak and idiotic.

I bring my knees to my chest horrified at my thought process.

I try and shake the thoughts away. They're eating my mind finding their way to every tiny crevice of my head. The fear is in my heart as it beats slower and faster between my thoughts, it's in my bones as I shake away the pain, and in my breath when I huff in anger.

The pressing fear turns to anger at myself, how can I let myself become this vulnerable so fast? Well it ends now, I have to toughen up I have to shake this.

I light a fire in my heart I give myself a drive and sadly with unsure feelings I allow hope to create fantasies of my life after these games. I think about how my mother told me to become pregnant before I return. Here with the humans I'd have to get married first. Which means I'll have to seduce someone.

Fan-freaking-tastic! I think chuckling slightly, life will be great once I'm free of the games clutches.

I'll be okay I know what I'm doing and I'm not stupid. I can handle myself, I don't know why I have to convince myself of this I just do. I have to let hope enter my heart, I have to feel warm shear happiness once more.

I let good thoughts mask over the bad doubtful ones for now. I lean my head against the tree I'm sitting on. I close my eyes and feel a cool breeze whisk me away to an ideal realm, one where I am not a killer one where I'm at home and happy.

I sigh and open my eyes and I see a new day approaching. I see everything with this sun rise. I see new hope, and I see that my life will be safe and okay.

The sun is fully shining when my two companions wake. I swivel to look at them.

One looks confused for a few minutes looking for me. He looks up and sees me sitting alone. I'm calm as he scrambles to his feet.

"Morning" I say in an unintentionally raspy voice, probably from all the crying and screaming.

"Morning" He says glancing at Four who is still asleep. "I thought she was on watch"

"I took over" I whisper this time realizing how awful I sound.

"How long have you been up?" He asks taking a seat next to me. I look out towards the cool forest.

"Awhile" I whisper.

"Awhile?" He asks and I hear either pity or worry in his tone.

"Yeah..." I trace the dirt with my fingers, "All night" I sigh.

"Your tired aren't you?"

"Like any of us are well rested."

"You sound terrible." He laughs a bit.

"I know."

"You should sleep."

"There are a lot of things I should do."

"... Who's Kyla?" He asks looking at my face. My face goes pale, Oh shit I was screaming Kyla's name on television.

"She's..." I hesitate trying to find a good lie, "I don't want to talk about it"

We sit in silence for a bit, "how'd you sleep?"

"Better than you clearly" He laughs and I can't help but smile.

"That was a given" I say feeling exhaustion fall over my whole body. My body is limp and I know I'm going to sleep.

"Yep!" He laughs, "You should sleep." He nudges me a bit my body is too tired to resist inertia, so I fall over the tree and fall flat on my face.

"Ow..." I say to the contact of the tree on my face but it doesn't hurt.

"You okay?" He asks picking up my limp body putting me on his lap. There he goes being worried again. I can't feel anything at all and I really don't care I know I need sleep but I fight it off because like I said I only masked the fear. It was all to present for me to sleep.

Despite the last bit of sanity I have left and against my better judgment... I allow myself to fall asleep in his protective arms.

* * *

_Sorry it's late but I did it!_


	14. Chapter 14 Never Too Far

I am out cold in a matter of seconds I feel his hand trace my hair line before I fall asleep, and damn was I out!

When I wake up the night is new, I'm back at the cornucopia and I see Layton sitting next to me. If they could drag my dead limp body across water and I'm dry now then I have a talent.

I try to sit up but when I do my stomach cramps and I lightly fall back down.

"Morning Noelle" Layton whispers smiling, "Or should I say good evening."

"How long has it been?"

"Well I don't know when you fell asleep but you guys got here around seven-eightish and you were asleep the whole time we were fighting about who you guys killed and such. So I'd say a good steady sixteen hours, that's just a guess mind you." He chuckles a bit.

"Awesome." I say flatly.

"Talented"

"So, by any chance did you hear me..."

"Scream you fucking head off?" He asks with a 'you're joking, right?' face "Yeah everyone heard"

"that's just fucking terrific right there"

"That's the spirit!" He laughs, "You should have seen One when you slept through everything, he was half convinced you were dead."

"That's awesome" I laugh clapping my hands together.

"Whatever you say Noelle" He shakes his head he moves closer to me helping me into an upright position.

"Thanks" Is the last word I say before a deep outburst rumbles the whole arena. I look up into Layton's eyes and he looks happy, must be time for a fight.

"Everybody! Come on we've got a battle to join" One shouts, I hear him round the corner to greet Layton, "Is she up?" He asks with a hit of worry in his tone.

"Right here!" I wave

"Twelve you stay here with my sister!" He says with relief "Come on Layton" He drags Layton away and the whole alliance takes off without One's girl and I.

"Morning sunshine" She smiles as I sit next to her.

"Morning... evening..."

"It's too much to keep track of"

"I get you"

"... How'd you sleep?"

"As best I could."

"My brother was really worried about you."

"I could tell"

She laughs, "You know I don't know what made him fall so hard for you, he has never done that for any girl."

"Really?" I smirk, "They must have met him then"

"Yeah he's an ass, but he's really a big old softy."

"I got that when you were hurt"

"Don't remind me of that" She smiles. "Thank you for that by the way. I know you didn't have to do it."

"No problem, "

"He's very... protective of me even though I'm his twin he likes to think I'm his little sister. I think he really likes you"

"He'll have to overcome that" I sigh, "We're going to kill each other, at some point"

"Well there's that... But he said that he wouldn't lay a finger against you."

"I find that hard to believe since he tried to rape me"

"Like I said he's an ass" We laugh a bit.

"It's not love, it's lust... Maybe an infatuation. He's not in love with me"

"But he is in love with you..." She cuts me off

"Or at least I hope he's not in love with me..." I finish

"Because you'll have to kill him?"

"Because... I'm not in love with him." I look at her, "I don't know I guess it's because I've never felt love... Maybe it's because I have never even had a crush on a boy before but I know I'm not in love with him.

"Love is just hard for some people to understand. It's hard for people to know what the difference between love and lust is. It's especially difficult when you're in an arena fighting for your life to be sure of anything at all."

"Well" She speaks up, "It's true that it's really hard to know how you feel about someone in the place we're at right now but at the same time... We always have to power, we always have the choice to love and hate.

"We have the sense to know what love is, know how it feels. Even in the darkest of people love is present, they know that there is love and they know it will be inside our hearts forever. Sometimes it's just hard to name it's hard to pin as a feeling. Some of us need to be pushed to know love and know the feeling of love that only a significant other can give." She smiles at me, "Maybe you just need time."

"You seem to be all knowing about this kind of thing, leave someone special at home?"

"Yep, he's the love of my life. He's my hero, when I get home I'm going to marry him."

"You're lucky to have found someone you love."

"I know I've given him everything I have..."

"Oh god!" I say surprised at the revelation.

"Yeah... Don't tell my brother?"

"Promise... That kind of thing is not to be shared."

"How could I ever thank you? You've done so much for me... You've kept me alive made my brother fall in love and keep my secrets... Aren't we supposed to be killing each other?"

"Yeah, so what are a few secrets than?" I smile, I come to a realization these tributes my competitors... They're people. They are humans that have lives they have families and friends and loved ones they left behind to get killed... By me.

These people- No! These children shouldn't be living this way. The human race is so fucked up! These children have souls and hearts and minds that could do extraordinary things help the human race. Does the Capitol know what these kids are capable of?

Probably and that's probably the reason for the games humans are different from me. I'm afraid of never seeing my family and failing them beyond words.

But humans? The selfish bastards are afraid of losing power and new ideas. Humans are afraid of people who have compassion and understanding.

"So when did you do this devious act?" I ask.

"Twelve" She shoves me a bit.

"What? Come on this maybe the last bit of fun I have for a while."

"Fine" She sighs though I can tell she's just dying to tell me, "It was the night before reaping... He proposed the week before and I knew I was going to volunteer but I hadn't told him. I asked him if we could, you know as a going away present."

"Oh god!" I laugh. We gossip for a bit longer until we hear a cannon boom.

"They got someone" She smiles slightly.

"Yep" I sigh "That leaves twelve" One and I sit in silence until we see our party appear from the forest. All of them are present.

They reach the island and the two of us stand to greet them.

"Went well I presume?" One smiles at her brother.

"The boy from eleven is dead" He announces and as everyone else gets on the island I inch closer to the water. "The boy from five won't last the night." And he doesn't as soon as I'm out of view a cannon booms.

"That leaves eleven" I can tell he's smiling, "How'd you and twelve get along sis?"

"Great... Right twelve" She slows down as she doesn't see me, "Twelve?"

Now's my chance I jump into the water and the moment I'm fully in I change, gold doesn't swirl me but my legs fuse together. My hair grows shorter, my eyes burn. They must be turning blue to disguise myself better my tail is blue and as my transformation to Lassa completes I feel alive.

I breathe in the salty water and savor every last moment my hair swirls my body. I begin to slither around to the other side of the cornucopia.

"Twelve!" I hear shouts at me. I'm no longer twelve, I'm Thalassa ruthless killer that haunts the sea with my beauty and grace.

"That'll make ten" I hear two's boy say as lightly as possible.

"But-" One stops as he sees my bewitching face my intoxication figure, my elegant air. I smile warmly poor dears, they were quite sufficient entertainment.

_"As a flower blooms in spring my heart does to you, Sing now and forever more hear the lullaby of the seaman's shore._

_"Minds so clear and hearts so pure to trust in me give to thee, hear my cries and listen to my pleas come and just lay hands on me._

_"Let me feel your heart beat so soft and carefree, as divine as I maybe hear my call and answer to me"_ I sing my song the notes come out clear and perfect the waves make harmonies for me.

The girls lay in pain screaming futile screams. I have them in my clutches and they shall never see the dawn. That is clear as three cannons blast.

One nears me as I hum my tune so not to drop the curse. I put my hands on his face and the searing his skin makes is louder than I remember it to be. I let my lips lock with his and I move my hands down to his shoulders revealing his scorched skin.

as I pull away I see the pain in his face. I tear his jacket off and the jumpsuit is torn to I take one look into his consenting eyes, I smile slyly taking in a breath before sinking my teeth into his bare chest.

He chokes out a few bits of gibberish as I taste his sweet blood, how I've forgotten the taste of blood there is quite simply nothing like blood.

I pretend he's the ass I first met the one who almost raped me as I suck the life from him.

I feel the life bleeding out of him and I finally rip out his heart. The muscle it still beating my mouth as I rip it from him. He collapses dead and his cannon sounds.

I toss him to the side done with him forever now.

_"Fear not now for time is quick, body and soul show yourself to me. Let the light of the lantern die and enter my safe and loving arms" _I serenade Two, I motion with my finger for him to join me.

He obeys captivated by my song and beauty, Haymitch was right he was easily manipulated. I run my hands through his hair singing it and making it fall out.

I'm slow with him I take his hand burn every inch of his face till it's smoldered to the point of unrecognizable.

I dig into his chest tasting his blood which tastes absolutely unearthly. I toss his unmoving body into the water behind me.

I soon see an eager Layton. _"Let love so strong anew in me, bring your heart to thee. You've heard me call and pray. You're here and so let us be free let you're self free in me." _I sing even more angelic, more perfect, more blissful, more celestial. I do like Layton, so I make his death clean and as pain free as I'm able.

Once my meal is over, I dive under water and turn into Noelle. I swim from rock to rock just in case there are underwater cameras. I reach the shore and I gasp dramatically pulling myself on land.

Once I'm there I look back towards the island. Five of us remain now, a first in Hunger Games history I single handedly killed all six Careers in under an hour, I should receive some kind of award for this.

I head into the woods and soon find a comfortable spot to sleep and now sleep comes easily to me. I don't dream and I'm blissful my destiny is unraveling with each and every move I make.

* * *

_And that's that... what do you think about her... I don't know what to call it. Hope it will suffice as entertainment!_


	15. Chapter 15 Thank You

I wake up calmly the next morning. I realize that I don't have like any supplies to live... So I'm fucked over.

I'll make it work when I have to. I'm not hungry right now so I just begin to explore the island, I have yet to find any weird twist from the Capitol, but hell I've done a damned good job of that myself.

I take notice of little things, I find myself at the river. The river, the one where some much had happened. I feel bad about what I'm going to say next but it's true. I don't feel remorse for the people I've killed.

I have killed a child from eleven, I've killed a boy I disliked for grabbing my breast, I have killed a girl for no reason other than ... Well just to kill!

I mangled a boy for no reason. I killed a small fourteen year old girl from four, a rough but forgiving girl from two. I killed an engaged woman.

I killed a boy who I'm sure I misunderstood from Two. I killed a boy who fell into a childish love. And my final kill one I did actually regret I killed a friend, an equal.

All for what? For life full of emptiness roaming the sea. But it wouldn't be empty! I remind myself firmly, you would have you mother and sisters and they are all you need.

Killing is a sport for my people, a way of life, a way of survival, so why am I questioning and doubting who I am? Why do I feel this way?

I have to leave the river, I couldn't bring another memory here. I roam the forest all day, I just think. I think about killing and what it truly is.

'Sadly yes I do my soul is damned to this earth just like everyone else.' Everyone else, meant all people. Everyone else I realize that I shouldn't feel bad for killing them, they should thank me. I set them free.

That's when I understand, death isn't the end. It's freedom, death is the key to a glorious end. But death is not the end.

Death is the beginning of life it's self. You get to go to a new world that I'm sure hold more promise than this one.

Death shouldn't be feared it should be embraced, death doesn't make anything stop it makes everything continue. Life is a cycle but death takes you where only good dreams are allowed.

Death takes courage to accept and only cowards are afraid of it and none of my competitors are cowards.

As I smile upon my revelation I hear a small cry, a cry of pain I never wanted to hear, "Noelle!" I look up and out. Passed the thinning trees I see Barnard laying in the grass, bleeding to his untimely death.

"Barnard!" I shout running to him. He was stabbed right in the stomach and was fading fast.

"Noelle?" He looks into my eyes and I pick him up. I smile down at him, I lift him to feel my heart. "Talk to me Noelle... I don't want to die afraid" He cries and I feel my heart break.

"Don't be afraid Barnard." I smile at him with tears in my eyes, "I just figured something out for myself. Death shouldn't be feared, it's freedom." I say the words and tears fall out.

"Don't cry Noelle" He whispers softly and wipes away my tear, "I want to see you happy. Seven's girl was happy when she did this to me."

"Don't think about that, but like I was saying, death shouldn't be feared. Rather embraced." I place his tired head to my lap.

"Do you think my baby sister will be there?"

"I'm sure she'll be the first to greet you. Because when you die you go where only good dreams go."

"So I can see my grandmother?"

"Yep she'll be carrying your baby sister. And you will meet all of your extended family and when your friends die you'll be there to take their hands and lead them through. you won't ever be hunger or thirsty again. You will only have to eat if you want to. You'll never be cold again you'll get to play every day and everyone there will love you more than you can ever know."

"They'll love me?"

"Yes, they'll love you like I do."

"Noelle?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you Noelle, I love you like a sister"

"Thank you Barnard for never giving in."

"Noelle?"

"Yes?"

"I hope I'm the first o greet you when you die, but you'll live past these games right? You'll win?"

"I'll win for you" i smile and he smiles too looking into my eyes.

"Noelle?"

"Yes Barnard?"

"I don't think I'm afraid anymore" Are the last words he says before his kind grey eyes leave this world forever. Never again will his laughter and cheeky smile make my world brighter. The world may never know how bright and kind he was.

They may never know the sweet little boy from district twelve. He died today but never will he die in my heart I'm stubborn like that.

With his cannon sound as the final nail in his coffin I sing to him _"Your smile your laughter, only a memory. Your voice your personality, only a memory.__ Sometimes people mention your name.  
Some just keep quiet. But no matter what is or isn't said. You're always on someone's mind._

_But it seems like only yesterday, You were by your family's side. We can only think of who you'd be, To us, you only remain a memory._

_If love could have saved you, You'd still be here today. The love we hold for you, Will never change. As you lay in a still rest, God broke our hearts to prove he took the best. Everything you did, everything you were. It's only a memory." _ I try not to cry for him. He told me not but I can't help myself this little boy was an angel to young for this world he was so brutally throw in to.

He was just a baby but I made a promise and a promise I will keep to him, I will win for him.

* * *

_This was not my 'song' it's a poem that I found here is my source all crdit goes to this person._ Only A Memory, Death of a Friend Poem poem/only-a-memory#ixzz20x9Jd7YA  
.com


	16. Chapter 16 The Call

I lay him down gently in the lush grass. I kiss his forehead kindly with all the love he deserved. I smooth his hair down and clean his face. I close his eyes finally letting his soul be taken to the place where dreams go.

I stand up and leave in a random direction I find myself an hour later on a cliff overlooking the sea. I feel the salty sea spray caress my face. I sit down in the grass that is swaying in the wind.

The sight was beautiful a painting probably. A girl with her eyes closed under a starry night sky with the waves of the ocean crashing against rock.

In my peace I feel something land in my lap. I open my eyes and see a white parachute in my lap. I open it carefully and to my surprise it's food.

**Well done Love, ~H** It's sweet berries and some vegetables a bit of cooked dried meat. It's not a whole bunch but it's enough. The games will be over before the end of the week.

I allow myself a small bit of berries. I'm not hungry even though I been going without food all day. I'm grieving for Barnard right now.

I eat all I can which isn't much and fall on my side. I curl up with my parachute in my arms as I fall asleep.

I'm rudely awakened in the early hours of the morning by a loud boom from a cannon. I settle my breath and then decide I have to do something.

I eat a bit of food and realize I still have my daggers with me! I have something yay!

I stuff my food into a zipper pocket of my jacket and head back into the woods.

I walk for an hour or so just walking aimlessly. I find myself at a river rapids area. It's loud, really loud I feel like I've lost my sense of hearing entirely.

I look around and wonder what to do next when suddenly Someone pounces my back. I topple over right next to the water's edge. I flip myself somehow and turn to see the boy from seven.

He grips my neck tightly. "I'll kill you Twelve just like I killed Six!" He shakes my head.

I knock him off me. and we both tumble into the water. Neither of us are good swimmers and soon we are lost in the foam of the river.

I feel myself thrashing like a pinball off one rock onto another. I feel my ribs crack. I see Seven grab hold of one of the rocks, but as I near him I find he has not grabbed it but instead is caught on it. His skin is gashed through and his intestines are being swept away with the water.

I faintly hear his cannon and I sigh relief I look around for a way out of the raging tides.

I look but have no luck now I panic, what am I going to do if I can't find land?

I start to swim with the current and I am relieved to find the river I'm in dumps out to the cornucopia area.

I swim quickly over to it and gasp for breath as I haul myself up. I stare off blankly and feel the pain of my cracked ribs new bruises form over my torso and my legs.

I'm alive and so is sevens girl. It's just us two and I will wait for her to join me.

I know these games well enough, they'll want a big finally. They won't want any stupid old trees getting in the way.

So all I have to do... is wait.

I allow myself to fall asleep hoping to null the pain.

I wake up abruptly to a scream I blink back into real life. I look over and see the girl from seven running into the water and she begins to swim. I soon see why she was screaming.

There seem to be so kind of birds peeking her skin off. No those couldn't be real birds, they simply can't be real birds. They have to be mutts. Not real bird would be so cruel.

She reaches the cornucopia, she picks herself up and gasps for breath just as I did hours back. It's night now a full moon, the perfect spotlight.

She looks up at me, her hair is patchy from the birds, her skin is ripped and bloody. I shiver at the sight. My breath is pained as I stand up to face her, my last opponent.

She is clutching her knees and suddenly her heavy raspy breath turn into menacing insane laughter.

"So it's come to us Twelve. How have we faired? Well I wounded your friends from One and killed your partner.

"But you? You've killed four you've got three deaths over me. I think I'll have to try and catch up." She looks up at me with wild crazed eyes,

"I know what you want Twelve you're selfish and want revenge for that little boy. Well I don't have much left but I do have something" She pulls out her spear and erects herself.

"I still have my freedom, I'll choose how this battle is won. But if you must know I have no desire to live. I can see you do, and I want to crush that out of you. You want revenge Twelve? That is something I can keep from you!" She spits at me stabbing her own heart.

I gasp as she screams out in pain. In her last moments she throws her spear right into my stomach. I fall back and gasp in shock at what she has done to decide her own fate. She's damn brave to do that, in her final minutes she chose her own life, not allowing society to shape her fate.

I can definitely learn a thing or two from her. As my consciousness slips from me I hear her cannon boom. With that boom I can almost hear destiny calling out my name.

"Congratulations I present the victor of the Fifty First Hunger Games Noelle of District Twelve."

Then silence, I'm alone again, I can't see anything it's dark and cold. It's all too quiet and I don't want to move I'm too scared.

I don't feel any pain, and at this realization I open my eyes softly. I turn my head slowly so not to provoke any tender nerves but I seem to not have any.

I'm in a hospital room I'm confused and I don't see anyone. I'm alone but I'm too timid to get up and move around. I look around a bit and still confused find my voice.

"Hello?" I ask wearily hushed at first, "Hello?" I ask louder. "Is anyone there?" No response.

"Hello?" I call out and my voice lingers echoing throughout the room. I lift my head to glimpse around the screen right next to my bed, "Anyone there? At all?" I sit up quickly and a bit too quickly at that. I feel woozy and an IV comes out of my skin.

I hear a loud beeping before I lay back down and faint.

I have a whole week of boring medical advice. They help me recover from the arena even though their work is amazing and it doesn't take me long to get back on my feet.

After that is where we pick up.

I wake up in the early morning for the recap of the Games. I'm expected to say little which I will happily oblige.

I get up and shower, I love being able to brush my insanely long hair again. In just the few weeks I've been in the Games my hair has grown to where it now is four inches behind me.

My prep team finds me as soon as my hair is brushed, they hug me and give kind words not fazed by the fact I'm naked and drenched.

They drag me in front of a mirror and begin work on me. They tightly curl my hair and pin it strategically to make it appear shorter. They eventually give up on pinning it and put it into pigtails and bring them back into one pony tail.

I look like a child, but it's better than a slut.

They all leave and Avedis enters my bathroom and hugs me. "Oh dear I just knew you would win I just knew it! The moment You won I sketched out this adorable dress you'll just love!"

He grabs a clothing bag and show what it contains. It's adorable just like he said it would be. It was white on top sleeveless with a sweetheart neck, the top part had no design and was silky smooth.

The bottom of my dress is off white and poufy it reaches my knees and it's just so cute! For once I don't muster affection for the dress.

I slip it on and Avedis pairs it with small healed strappy sandals. No jewelry natural make up, I'm leaving the Capitol the sweet and innocent little girl I first was... Well I still have the crowning and the privet interview but whatever.

I'm led out by Avedis and I'm greeted by Haymitch, "I knew you could do it Love" He smiles at me.

"I told I had this"

"You're right I should have trusted you." He takes my hand and leads me to Girish and the three of us get to Caesar's in one piece.

I get on the stage and after quick greetings the highlights roll. I watch in a bit of awe at myself, being so... strange.

I see my dagger fly and I lift my voice.

"Can we pause it really quick?" They obey, "I would just like to say that I almost died inside when I had such accuracy right there. I really sucked at distance in training so that was a real win for me!" I clap my hands and everyone laughs at my silly reaction. "Keep going." I laugh as soon as Caesar and I have finished making fun of me.

The rest of the film I can watch all except Barnard's death. I have to turn away and cover my ears. I can't relive that, it's not what he would want. I look back to the screen in time to see me get attacked and the clip ends.

"So Noelle Congrats yet again on your victory I have just a few questions on what we watched but we'll wait for more questions at the final one hour interview Sunday night folks don't miss it" He advertise a bit, "Now Noelle, one question everyone is dying for you to answer is were you in love?"

"No I was telling the truth I am not in love with him" The crowd groans "I'm sorry like I said I've never known Love so I can't really pass judgment."

"How did you learn to swim so fast?"

"Well I had been in the water with the others several times before my daring escape, and when you're in a life or death situation you tend to learn quickly."

"Good answer" He smiles, "One last question why were you so protective of that little boy?"

"... Because, he was just so young. He was just a baby and had such a life left to live. I know that he deserved life more than I did I wanted him to live if it wasn't me. But he wasn't afraid like he said, and that's more than I could have ever asked for" The crowd awes at my statement and some tear up.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow Noelle. Thank you everyone and good night!"

I exit the stage and have a boring evening. When I wake up the next morning I'm whisked away to the same hospital like room I was in for the Chariot rides because those have better 'equipment'.

I'm all dolled up with heavy makeup accompanied with a tight bun, and Avedis brings a sexier dress for the crowing, claiming it's more 'extravagant'. The dress in grey and really tight making my slim figure smaller if that were really possible.

The dress is long has long lacy sleeves, my sternum is covered in the lace, and the back is open, because you know he doesn't want everyone think I too innocent.

I get crowned for killing children, hoorah! What a great glorious achievement. I think sourly, How can this be publicized? It's just horrid, the Capitol would think these thoughts bitter and my sarcastic comments would be frowned upon but can you blame me?

The next morning is the interview thank god, my time here is almost done! Avedis promises this dress will be more conservative which I'm glad it is.

It's a short, oh what did he just call it? Oh yeah! Cocktail dress, that is grey and has off the shoulder sleeves.

This dress is what I think is classy, it's fitted just right. It covered what should be covered and was definitely my style, only took him two months to get my style but still he did it!

I'm confident in my look right now and I'm sure it shows.

When I get to the studio Caesar greets me warmly and leads me to a small couch. "Just remember it's you and me no one else" I smile and the cameras roll.

"Hello everyone today is our newest victor Noelle's last day here in the Capitol. So Noelle, What did you think of the arena?"

"It was stunning really, it reminded me of artwork. It was really just picture perfect."

"Tell us what were your opinions of the other tributes?"

"Well, at first I didn't think much of them, I thought they were obstacles that I had to push out of my way to get home. But as time went on and I learned about their lives and who they were, I started to remember that they were people. They had lives and families, they had so much for them at home and I took away their chances of ever seeing their families again."

"I began to feel pity and empathy for my fellow tributes as time went on and I eventually didn't kill anyone else."

"So would you say that you felt close to them?"

"There is an understanding almost an agreement, that you are all going through the same thing. You see eye to eye and know what each of them is going through because it's what you yourself are experiencing. So in a way yes"

After a few more questions regarding One and My relationship and an assortment of other topics he asked his final one.

"What are you going to do now that you have won?"

I sigh happily, "Live. I'm going to live each and every day to the fullest I can, I'm going to sing, and dance, and cook, and bake, and I'll try painting that seems like fun! I'll try instruments, I'll read books, I'll write poetry, I'm going to run around my district and see how long it takes me to do it! I'm going to live each day like it's ten years"

"And why is that?"

"Because when you fight so hard to live you can't come back dead and depressed. You fought for life so hard that killed others. If you have no will to live than you stole that opportunity from someone who would have lived their lives out well.

"If you don't live your life as much as you can than you stole someone else's chance at happiness. and who wants to take that from someone."

"Very thoughtful last words Noelle. Alright everyone this is last we'll see of Noelle until her victory tour next month goodnight"

I smile and wave as instructed and then I'm allowed to leave. I go to my room and shower. I sleep in that bed one last time and when the morning comes I'm on a train, I'm going home.


	17. Chapter 17 Honesty

So if you want me to be completely honest I'm really scared to go home. I'm afraid to see my parents faces, I'm scared to try to live a new life in Victor Village.

I'm afraid to see that their world hasn't changed a bit. While my world has changed in every possible way.

I'm scared to look Barnard's mother in the eye and give her my condolences.

I'm afraid to start new. Most people have to move or something to start new and I fought to the death.

I'm scared to smile and receive hugs from the children as was required for the cameras.

I am terrified of the very thought of having a baby, which was my final step to returning home.

I've been trying to distract myself from these fears by playing solitaire but the thoughts won't leave.

"You ready Love?" Haymitch enters the sitting compartment I was in startling me.

"Are we there already?" I ask my eyes grow wide with fear.

"No Love we barely left the station an hour ago. You okay?"

"I wish I could say I am"

"I know how you feel. I remember coming back after my games. Life went on without me, and my life was just beginning." He takes a seat across from me. "Whatcha doing?"

"Playing cards" I say dealing a new game for myself, "Want to play?"

"Not really" He sits back and watches me deal, "So are you scared?"

"Petrified" I reply.

"It's going to be hard adjusting at first, but you know it gets better."

"It has to be worse before it gets better"

"Yeah I'm still trying to get to the better part."

"I think we should change the subject"

"To what?"

"A game"

"What game?"

"We ask each other questions. Just back and forth" I sigh as I look for a move with my card game.

"Alright who starts?" He asks wearily.

"I'll start, Tell me about your family."

"That's not a question but alright" He scoffs, "I had a mother and a sister."

"Tell me about them"

"Well my mother was a very kind sweet woman. She always tried to help other families. Everyone was her friend and no one could say no to her. She was very strict but she calmed down after I was reaped.

"My mother loved everyone even the Peacekeepers. She and my father met at school they both liked one another for a long time but neither of them would admit it until after they were both past reaping age.

"My father died right after my sister was born, from the mine poison. I didn't really get to know him but my mother was our rock when we needed her most.

"My sister was just like my mother and just as pretty. She was frail though, I never really grew close to her like I did to my mother"

"You're using past tense for them, did they change when you were reaped?"

"No... They we're killed after I won." He said slowly.

I looked up from my game, "oops..."

He laughs at my stupid look, "My turn"

I look back at my game. "Go for it"

"Tell me about your family."

"Well my father owns the grocery store in town. He adores my mother to pieces, and is a very hard working man. He is very strong willed and I get it from him supposedly. Though I must say I'm far more sarcastic and hot tempered than him."

"I agree with that" Haymitch laughs.

"My mother had always wanted a daughter before I was born so she spoiled me a lot. She used to take me on walks through the district 'showing me off'. She taught me how to cook, bake, and she attempted to teach me to sew which was a disaster. She always says that I'm her new day, because that's what Noelle means, new day."

"You're using past tense a lot too"

"I haven't seen her in a while. I know my father hasn't changed but she might have"

"I see"

"Alright, What was your first time in the Capitol like?"

"Horrifying, That awful man Avedis tried to make me wear some strange rock like costume but just put me in a suit instead."

"Oh god..." I laugh.

"Oh I know. So What was your opinion of One?"

"He was an ass to the bone."

"Even when you kissed him?"

"Alright for one thing I kissed him because I was trying to figure out if I was in the real world or not and for another thing I thought he was a dick to start with and I wasn't going to change my opinion. Now what do you do now that you're a victor?"

"I take a lot of walks"

"Walks? That's boring!" I laugh.

"Well yeah but I'm not very artsy or anything. I mainly take walks to feed my other hobby of astrology." He says proudly.

"Fancy" I smile.

"Damned straight! Alright what was your favorite thing to do before the games?"

"Oh hard one, I loved to sing more than anything."

"I haven't heard you sing."

"Maybe later than if you're lucky. Now what's your favorite part of being human?"

"Well that's easy, laughing at the idiocy everyone so plainly exerts. Your turn what is your favorite time of day?"

"Midnight, nothing is more rare and mysterious than what happens at midnight. What's your favorite color?" I ask smiling.

"That's a dumb question I don't have one."

"Would you prefer to go back to the deep ones?"

"Yeah and I'll start, What is your biggest fear?"

"Right now or overall?"

"Overall"

"Disappointing my family."

"Why?"

"Because letting them down... would break me beyond repair. I love them more than I care about myself. I can't imagine what I would do if I let them or anyone for that matter down. Alright deep question, What is your biggest regret?"

"...Giving up so quickly."

"On?"

"My partner in my games. I gave up on her and she died. I would do anything to change it" He shudders, "Have you really never felt love?"

"No never"

"Talk to me about it"

"Well, I was just a kid back in Twelve. I didn't even think about boys in that way until the games. I never held some ones hand, and I don't count One as my first kiss, because I didn't feel anything. When I fall in love I want to be able to hold him in my arms and just watch the years fly by."

"How romantic" He says sarcastically.

"Have you ever been in love and if so tell me about her if not tell me why."

"I-... I was in love... Once, She was my age. We started out as friends until we were fourteen. Then she kissed me and well, we fell in love. She was nothing like the girl I expected to fall in love with.

"She was very short and tough as nails. She never left my side when I needed her. She was loud and didn't care who heard her..."

"You're using past tense again."

"Yeah... After I was reaped... She got really sick. She was afraid and starving on top of that. She didn't last long enough to see me win."

"Oh"

"I'm still not fully over what happened"

"You never can be fully healed after something like that."

"But I can sure as hell try"

"That's true, we always have to try"

"My turn to ask... How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Smile, and laugh? How can you keep your happiness after what we've been through?"

"Do you remember what I said at the last interview I had?"

"Yeah"

"Every word I said was true. You can't just give up after the games because you fought so hard to get back home alive and not in a coffin. You fought to live and that's what I'm going to do."

"But you saw what the Capitol can do, Girish wanted you to be a prostitute!"

"Yep, and if any man tries to stick his dick into me It's getting cut off"

"Whoa"

"Hey we're victors for god sake we could do it!"

"So true"

"So did the Capitol try to get you to do anything?"

"Yeah they tried to get me to live there actually"

"Why?"

"To keep an eye on me mainly, but also because they wanted to flaunt me around as some trophy, to show my family that I was just their pawn."

"But we're so much more than that" I look up at him and smile.

"I tried not to be a pawn in their games but I became a piece and a broken one at that."

"It's your choice to fix yourself"

"I don't have anything to fix myself for."

"Find something"

"... Since it's the truth game... Who's Kyla?"

Oh fuck..."Uh... She... She was... She was a friend of mine. She was one of my childhood friends. She was from the seam, but she died when we were nine."

"Oh I'm sorry..."

"Eh... We learn to get over ourselves." I shrug going back to my game "Did you have a plan for your future before you won?"

"Not a damned clue" He laughs at me, "What is your favorite memory and least favorite?"

"My favorite, would be on my mother's birthday, my dad and I baked a cake. Even though it was really me doing the baking. We decorated the house with things I had created which as you can imagine were kind of awful. And right before my mom got home the stove was still on and it burned all the decorations.

"When she came home she laughed at us, and we eat out in the living room"

"Nice job Love"

"I was six!"

"Keep going"

"Least favorite, was... Holding Kyla's hand while she died."

"Seems reasonable."

"Alright what is your biggest fear?"

"... Watching these games continue long after I'm dead." He shudders a bit, "What is your biggest wish?"

"I wish... To... That's hard because there are a lot of things I wish for. I guess I wish that I can figure out why we act the way we do. Like why we are so incompetent as a species. Alright... Holy shit!" I say looking out the window.

"What?" He looks up at me.

"It's night?"

"Crap!" He laughs looking out the window with me."It's one o'clock" He says looking at a the watch on his wrist.

"We should go eat" I smile realizing that we haven't eaten since breakfast.

"Sounds like a plan." We stand up and head to the dinning cart. We get up and walk into the dinning cart which is practically empty and food is served to us automatically.

"So" I say as soon as we begin to eat, "I have one last question"

"I'm listening"

"Do you think you could ever love again?"

"Maybe" He sighs, "I want to feel the way I did with her, but I'm willing to let love come to me."

"That's good"

"What?"

"That you're willing to try again. That you're not afraid to love another"

"Getting philosophical are we Love?"

"Oh yeah" I laugh, "It's my favorite after all"

"It's going to be so weird having a neighbor again. I haven't had one in over a year"

"Hoorah! Neighbors!" I laugh, "We should throw a party"

"You're not a party animal are you Love?"

"Not in the least. Though I do want to celebrate."

"We have good reason to"

"For once in my life yes I do"

"Alright Love one more question,"

"Shoot"

"What do you think is a more fatal feeling, Hope or Desire"

"Philosophical?" I laugh and he nods, " Hope feeds an ambition that can prove futile and ultimately lead to your demise if you're not careful. Desire gives you purpose to continue but if your desire is vain or only for another it can be just as deadly.

"Really without both or either one of them you will have no drive to live. They go hand in hand really so I will say neither and substitute an answer with ambition"

"That's cheating" He laughs.

"But I explained, ambition is the clear winner. If I had to pick I would say desire because one can live solely on hope. Though both feelings require one another to survive in ones heart"

"So got good grades in school?"

"Oh yeah" I smile finishing the remainder of my meal, "You?"

"Alright I guess"

"Hey just a quick question that has nothing to do with what we're talking about, but um... You remember my chariot dress?"

"Yep" He laughs.

"Was it just me or did it scream 'screw me'?"

"No, I feared for your life... and your virginity"

"Right?" We laugh together for a while longer and we just sit in the dinning cart with our empty plates in front of us. As we're talking and laughing and overall just enjoying the talk that only two victors can share I see the sun rising.

"Oh shit"

"It's five" He laughs.

"We should sleep." I laugh with him.

"Girish is going to be pissed."

"Let him, if he wants to flaunt my body to the public than he's going to have to deal with me."

"Goodnight Love"

"Goodnight Haymitch" We part ways to our separate bedrooms and I don't bother to change. I crawl into my bed and think about everything that had happened.

I begin to wonder how I could have spent hours talking to him but it only felt like minutes. How in gods names did he make me not feel afraid to go home?

How are we so comfortable together answering those question until the early hours of the morning and never once hesitated to talk or laugh? Well I guess I can answer that one, we are both victors we can understand each other more than anyone ever could.

But how could we so easily express our feelings and emotions when we hardly know one another? Though now we know just about everything about the other.

It doesn't make sense humans don't trust another quickly so why do we?

* * *

_Hoorah! One more chapter that took me forever to write... which I'm sorry about I coldn't make it just right and it was frustrating me. here it is though I made it with love!_


	18. Chapter 18 Homecoming

I wake up sleepy but I only got five hour of sleep so it's understandable. I shower and try to make myself look beautiful for my family.

I miss my mother's soft caring touch, I miss my father's strong smile that never wavered. I pull my hair up and back making it reach my thigh so I can actually walk and not trip over it.

I put on a skirt and a nice top and step out of my room, "Fancy are we?" I hear Haymitch laugh.

"I feel festive damned it!" I laugh back. He looks cleaned up too.

"Good, better than feeling morbid"

"Don't mock me!" We joke as we find our way to the dining room for lunch.

"Where on earth have you two been!" Girish stands up and it's clear he's in no good mood. That's okay I have enough laughter to share with him.

"Calm down we don't get in until one," I laugh and look at a hanging clock in the room, " It's twelve thirty we have plenty of time."

Haymitch and I take a seat and begin to eat, "Don't eat too much now we still have the party to get to!"

"Party? I wasn't informed of any party!" I choke a bit.

"It's just a welcome home party thrown by the mayor. All of the district will be there to welcome you home." Haymitch laughs at me.

"Yes Noelle and don't worry Avedis has a dress for waiting for you back in your district." Girish flips my hair with a cold finger. Haymitch laughs at my expression. Which I sure is one that should be laughed at.

We finish eating in just enough time to straighten ourselves up to be presented back to our district.

"Now Love when that door opens just remember that everyone here is just dying to see that you're real." Haymitch whispers in my ear. The thought makes me smile.

As soon as the door opens and I'm allowed out I feel the cool air of district twelve. The misty cool element of the sky was refreshing.

I step out lightly and when I can see everyone they cheer and applaud for me. I soon get swept up in the moment and rush down the steps into the arms of the crowd.

I first meet with small children who jump on me and wrap their arms around my legs. Their parents peel them off of me and they pat me on the back to welcome me home.

My friends all clog the area as they hold me and some even cry. They girls laugh and smile at me. The boys from my class hug me and try to mess up my hair.

These people are all so happy to see me home. As I make my way through the crowd shopkeepers who are friends of my parents tell me how happy they are that I'm home.

I'm blown away by all these people who care about me, about my future. It's overwhelming the amount of love that is coming from everyone right now.

I look over and see the man I wanted to see this whole time, "Dad!" I shout as I run into his arms.

He holds me and seems to be trying to grasp the idea of me being home. I realize that he's crying I pull back and wipe away a tear, "My baby girl's home"

"Yeah dad I'm home" I hug him again and laugh a little, "where's mom?"

"She's... at home right now."

I pull back, "Why?"

"She didn't want to cry too much" He smiles wider. He pulls me back and swings me around, even though I've grown up I still love it when he twirls me.

"Love?" I hear Haymitch coming closer to me. "The Mayor is here come on" I take his hand and let him lead me to the stage in the square that was normally only set up for reapings. I shake the mayor's hand and he smiles brightly.

"Welcome home"

"Thank you sir"

"Haymitch and Girish will take you to your new home in Victor Village and we will all see you tonight at the welcome home party. Where you will give a speech" He announces to the crowd but all the excitement is not from the party or the speech. It's from me being home.

I've never felt so loved and wanted before.

Haymitch takes my hand again and leads me to a car where Girish is waiting for us. After a short drive we reach a very large impressive house.

"Here you are Noelle" Girish hands me the key and I look up at the house again, "Don't be shy now," He puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me up the stairs to the front door.

I unlock it and enter the house. It's large but to me it has an empty sort of grandeur. The walls have intricate designs in the molding but they are white. The whole house is white.

The doors have intriguing designs sketched and whittled into them but there is no depth to them.

The spiral staircase is just as white as everything else.

"I'll leave you to get ready, the party starts at exactly six o'clock. I'll be here at five" He slams the door shut and now it's time to explore.

I find a clock in almost every room. There is no color no personality no life. This is just a house right now. I can make it me home though.

"Tomorrow," I say making a mental note, "I'll figure it out tomorrow"

I find a great kitchen that has some many gadgets that I'm afraid to touch them. I find a living room and an empty study. There is a grand dining room and a large bathroom.

Upstairs I find five empty bedrooms and four bathrooms.

It takes me a while to navigate the whole house in order to find my room. Turns out there are more stairs to get to my room. I feel like I'm in a tower a beautiful tower. There are large windows with curtains drawn in front of them.

I open them all and find a door leading to a balcony that has just stunning views.

I breath in the cool air again and sigh happily.

I turn back to my bedroom and head into the main bathroom. It doesn't fail to disappoint just like the whole house.

It has large fancy features a separate bathtub from the shower and a huge closet. Hanging up on the door of my closet in a large clothing bag and a note, "Noelle sorry I can't be there but I know you'll just love this. See you on the Victory tour with love Avedis."

I open the bag and find well not what I was expecting at all. It's a gorgeous ball gown. It is just breath taking to look at. It's an amethyst shade of purple. It's strapless with a sweetheart neckline and beautiful embroidery along the bodice.

The skirt is so full I never thought Avedis would use so much fabric.

I take it and lay it out on my bed. As I turn to exit the bathroom, I see makeup with instructions and a tiara right next to it.

I go back and read the instructions following them exactly. My makeup is soft and light. My hair is fun and playful with my tiara making me feel like a princess.

I slip on very purple three inch heels. As I look in the mirror I observe the dress and it's beauty. I notice my curls flow gracefully to my waist.

Tonight I'm a princess and at the same time I'm thinking, What happened to Avedis? Why did he suddenly make me look so different than how I was in the Capitol? What changed?

Well that I could answer, everything changed. I've changed, and my world will never be the same.

I take the small purple clutch he left for me and find simple diamond earrings and a diamond necklace.

I put them on and smile at myself, When I first became a human I never imagined this would happen. I never knew that the human world had so much beauty underlying all the hate and distrust.

I hear the door bell ring and I sprint down the two flights of stairs nearly killing myself a few times.

I open the door and my father is waiting for me. I smile at him and he takes my hand leading me to a car that has pulled up in front of my house.

I get in and Girish just gushes over me the whole damned ride. Never in my life had I wanted to slit someone's throat more.

We reach the square and I'm lead to the stage. The square is nicely decorated with fine decorations and tables with smooth table cloths. The street lights are lit and soft music plays throughout the square. Children are giggling and playing on the dance floor.

The stage has a long table on it that has eight chairs set up. One for Haymitch, one for Girish, one for me, one for my father, one for the mayor, and then there are three people sitting on the left side.

They seem to have calm expressions and their eyes have pain. The woman looks at me intently, the man next to her has his arm around her and then there is a small boy to the man's left who looks clueless.

That's when I knew, looking into their grey eyes and seeing the little boy who looked just like Barnard.

I reach the table and everyone quiets down taking a seat. "Um hi everyone." I smile as the mayor hands me a microphone. "Thank you all so much for coming to welcome me home." I realize that my emotions are real and thus making this speech even more emotional for me, "Wow, I-... I never expected this when I was reaped. I never thought so many people would be so happy to see me home and safe.

"It's just amazing to see a whole district come together to show support to one of their own.

"I feel so honored and completely blessed to have all of you in my life and right here with me celebrating such a great day. Thank you all so much again for coming here tonight." I pass the microphone back to the Mayor. Everyone claps for me as I sit down.

Food of all kinds is served to everyone. As we finish eating some people make their way to the dance floor.

I stand up and go to the woman on my left.

"Hello," I say courtly.

"Oh Hello" She smiles weakly at me. She takes my hand "Noelle dear I want to thank you personally. My little boy was so scared but you didn't let him leave scared. You held him when I couldn't and you protected him when I couldn't" She begins to cry as she speaks. "I'm sorry." She turns away from me and I feel a tugging at my dress.

"Hi there" I smile at Barnard's little brother.

"Dance?" He says he must not be older than five because he still has trouble talking.

"Alright" I nod and take his hand leading him to the dance floor. I pick him up and we dance for a while.

He has Barnard's cheeky smile. He has a bright laugh and very small hands as he waves them around.

I put him on the ground as more children gather around so they can dance with me.

The music slows a bit as some mothers come and pick up their tired children, some thank me and hug me while others just smile.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and I see my father "May I?" He chuckles. I take his hand and let him twirl me I love just dancing with my father, I never thought I could have fun with him like this.

"Noelle, there is something I need to show you after the party" He whispers. As the song ends I nod and head back to the dance floor.

I got to watch Haymitch make a fool of himself before teaching him how to dance... better. I danced with the mayor and a few friends before I was to make a final speech thanking everyone one last time.

After I do so I find my father. He takes my hand a leads me down to the grocery store.

"Noelle, I'm so proud of you for coming home."

"I'm proud too dad"

"But there's something you should know."

"What is it?" He is silent as her leads me to our small back yard. "Daddy?"

"Noelle, you've been so strong for surviving and I know your mother would be proud of you to."

"Would? Daddy, what happened to mom?"

"She watched the games but when you were screaming for her... She couldn't take it. She-... She suffered a massive heart attack."

"No..."

"She didn't see you win." He stops in front of a pitiful excuse of a grave that has my mother's name etched into it.

I stand stunned and unable to move. I could vomit or cry but I don't I stand in shock like an idiot.

"Noelle I want you to remember what you said in your last interview. Don't give up Noelle, live because that is what your mother would want. Well that and grandchildren but" He laughs a bit.

I sigh deeply at his words, "Okay" I can't cry not now. "I should go home dad" I say unable to process all of this yet.

"Alright Noelle" He kisses my head and I kiss his cheek before walking home. My mother is dead, I can't think straight and before I reach my house I stumble and fall. I gasp a bit for breath fighting back tears.

"Love?" I hear Haymitch ask. I wipe my hands off and turn to look at him. I can't say anything I just stare at him.

"Dead" Is all I can say.

"Who?" He asks helping me to my feet.

"My mom... She-she's dead" I realize that it's the first time I can make these words real. "She's dead, and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it." I adjust myself and walk to my house. He stands dumbfounded in the street before he makes his own way home.

I change and draw the curtains in my room. My balcony door is still open so I step outside for a bit. Letting the now intense winds slap my face. After a minute I harshly breathe and slam the door shut. I turn off the lights and curl up under my covers.

I think about what my father says and after thoroughly convincing myself he's right I shift and fall asleep.


	19. Chapter 19 Wait

In the early morning, I get up swiftly showering and changing into some junky clothes. I let as much light as I can into all of my house I look around and jot down ideas for each empty room, I have a room for guests, one for a library, I have a room for dancing and singing because I need filler rooms. I designate one room solely for reading and writing, like I'll be doing much of that but whatever.

I still have one empty room but I figure I'll think of it while I'm out. I eat a quick meal and I have a list ready. As I'm about to head out the door, I look at the clock to see it's seven o'clock...

Stores don't open until nine. Fantastic, now I can clean up a bit. But I can't clean up until I have things to clean my house with... Well fuck, now what am I going to do.

I go outside and sit on the large patch of grass in front of my house. I lay out in the rising sun and stretch out on the dewy grass.

I put my list on my stomach and watch the clouds roll by. The sky starts to change from it's stunning evening blue to a soft sky blue.

"Love?" I turn my head to see Haymitch leaning out of his house window to look at me, "What are you doing?" He laughs in a way to tell me that I look like I'm mentally retarded.

"I'm waiting for the stores to open! Come on!" I wave at him to join me. He shuts his window slowly still confused by my actions.

"Why are you waiting for the stores to open?" He asks making his way over to me.

"I'm decorating my house today." I smile at him, "The house has no life what so ever, I'm going to bring life into it. I'm going to paint it and decorate it and"

"Where do you plan on getting that stuff?" He sits down next to me.

"Well they've got to have it somewhere around here. People paint their houses different colors around here ever now and then." I shrug. He raises an eyebrow at me, "Don't give me that" I shove him laughing.

"You're strange Love"

"Want to come with me? I could use the help"

"You sure you want to do that?" He asks chuckling again.

"Why not? You can if you want" I check my watch and it's almost nine "I'm going now come on if you want."

I stand up and start down the road. I hear subtle foot steps behind me I turn around and motion for him to hurry up.

"You're crazy Love you know that?"

"I'm well aware" I laugh as we make our way to the lonely hardware store. Normally people only buy a few nails some wood and the occasional tools.

We walk in and the store owner Phillip looks surprised. "Hey Phil!" I wave and he joins us. He hugs me quickly, Phil is a good friend of my father's his son is twenty now and getting married. Phil has always been a sweetheart and I always feel bad for him and his lack of customers.

"What do you need Noelle?" He laughs curiously, "Don't you live in a fancy big house now?"

"Yep only problem is there is no life in it. I need paint and lots of it also I need some curtain rods, some cleaning supplies, tools, paint brushes."

"The whole deal huh?" He laughs at me, "Come on " He leads us to the paint section I successfully pick out the brightest colors ranging from red to green, from yellow to purple, from blue to orange.

"I think your house is going to be a rainbow" Phil laughs at me. I roll my eyes playfully.

We pick out a bunch of sponges and rollers everything to paint and clean a house. I get a lot of tools just in case I screw up majorly.

As I'm paying Phil laughs at me, "take pictures if you get covered in paint okay?"

"Got it."

"I'll get my son to help me get these to your house." He says, "You still have shopping to do Noelle?"

"Tons, but the door is unlocked so you can just drop it off when ever"

"Thank you Noelle" He smiles as Haymitch and I leave.

"Are we having fun yet?" He asks sarcastically.

"Course! What about mop shopping isn't fun?"

"Jeez I don't have a clue!"

We make our way to the furniture store which is just as empty as the hardware store was. "Lorrain?" I call out for the store clerk.

"Noelle darling" She comes and hugs me just as Phil did. "What can I do for you... Two" She smiles noticing Haymitch who nods politely.

"Lots" I pull out my list of things I'll need. We go through the whole store buying book shelves dressers desks couches chairs tables everything that I knew I'd need.

Haymitch laughs when ever I'm indecisive about anything. I'd sternly tell him, "You choose then!" And he would surprisingly.

It made me laugh every time he picked something out for me.

"Hey Greg!" I called out as Lorrain rang me up. Greg is Lorrain's husband he walked down the stairs and he agreed to get the furniture to my house.

"What next if anything?" Haymitch asks.

"The fun part food" I laugh leading him to my dad's grocery store. "Hi daddy" I call out.

"Noelle? What are you doing here?" He walks up to me and hugs me.

"I'm stocking up at home." I say grabbing a basket. I shop around and grab ingredients to bake some sweet rolls for Haymitch, feeling bad that I dragged him around all day.

I go to pay but my dad tries to refuse, " Dad it's okay, take my money I know that we don't get enough business some months." He still refuses but he's always been that way. Before I leave I make sure to leave extra money for him.

"Now we're done." I smile at Haymitch who is carrying a lot of the groceries. We reach my house and it's early evening. I organize and put away my groceries "You want to stay for dinner?" I ask Haymitch who is helping me dust off and organize my new pantry.

"You sure you're not sick of me yet?" He laughs handing me a few cans.

"Eh, I feel bad I drug you around all day. The least I could do is cook for you"

"I like that idea" He laughs at me, "Alright Love so tomorrow when I help you paint the house you'll cook"

"Sounds like a plan" I smirk. He finishes helping me and then I have to learn how to work this contraption... I mean stove.

There are a bunch of knobs and buttons and it instantly confuses me. Haymitch laughs at me.

"This one." He presses a button and the machine makes a loud beep and I jump back, "I'd rather you not burn down the house"

"I won't" I sigh gathering ingredients for a chicken dinner. I put the thing in and Haymitch laughs as I try and figure out the stove top.

"Press down on the knob and turn it to the right" He instructs. I do as he says and a flame pops out of the circle, I jump back out of surprise. He laughs at me more and I blush a bit.

"Shut up" I say quickly.

"But this is too good." He pounds the marble table top. I put a pot of water on the stove and turn to face Haymitch.

"I bet you had this much trouble when you first moved in!" I scrunch up my face.

"Wrong"

"What?"

"One word Microwave"

"What's that?" He points to a mini oven next to my real oven.

"It's really easy to use and really all I need."

"So you don't know how to cook?"

"I know how!"

"Uhuh sure"

"No really! I know how to cook!"

"Why don't I believe you?" but just as I ask I hear a sizzling and I turn to see my water over flowed onto the flame.

"How?" I ask but not to Haymitch more to fate.

"Turn it lower" I do as he says and the water boils down.

"Oops" I say continuing to cook.

"I see" He laughs again.

"We're going to have to eat on plastic plates since I haven't opened the real plates."

"That's fine." I jump as the oven timer goes off. I turn around and without thinking stick my hands into the oven burning them.

"Dumb mistake!" I shout running over to the sink and running cold water over my hands. "Haymitch could you get that out?" I ask blushing because he's laughing insanely at my idiocy.

"Sure Love" He takes it out and turns off the oven. I wipe off my hands and grab a knife. "Can I trust you with that?"

"It's not technology... This I can handle." I can't help but laugh.

"If this is how you cook every night for your sake I don't think you should. Seems hazardous"

"I'll get used to it... eventually" I laugh cutting up the meat. We serve ourselves and sit down to eat.

"You know Love cooking maybe hazardous for you but you're pretty good at it."

"Thank you" I nod finally getting his approval. "And thank you for shopping with me."

"It was fun... Well you know watching you be unable to pick anything"

"I did too pick almost everything!"

"Please you couldn't choose which rug you thought was softer!"

"Well... Yeah I know"

"Let's face it your lost without me."

"Not true I picked all the paint out myself!"

"True you did that but if it weren't for me you'd still be in that store looking for a book shelf to match your dresser."

"Fine laugh at me. But if I did that I wouldn't have burnt hands!" We laugh for hours making fun of me for the majority of the time until he's says he should go. "You're lucky I'm a good sport." I say opening the front door for him.

"That I am Love."

"Remember your coming over early to help me paint I'm making breakfast!"

"Don't burn down the house Love!" He calls out before entering his own house.

I close my front door and look at all the stuff in boxes and wrapped in bubble material. I sigh and feel my cheeks hurt from all the laughing.

I drag myself through the kitchen cleaning and putting away leftover food. My eyelids are heavy as I change to sleep.

As I'm laying my bed I start to recall things throughout the day. I remember people looking at Haymitch and I strangely. I remember a lot of strange moments where the two of us would laugh without good reason.

I think about cooking for him and how neither of us could stop laughing. I remember blushing which I have never done before.

Holy crap was that a date!


	20. Chapter 20 Why

I wake up early I shower quickly and sloppily put my hair back. I put on some shorts that are extremely torn and a shirt that has holes in it.

I look in the mirror and think I am the most attractive thing to walk this planet. I go downstairs and start to bake sweet rolls for breakfast just like my mother taught me.

I somehow manage to not burn down my house! I'll take that as a win, just as I pull them out of the oven I hear my door open, "Love?"

"In the kitchen!" Haymitch enters wearing ripped jeans and a huge shirt. "Look! I didn't burn down the house!" I smile widely.

"Congrats Love!"

"Go ahead take one" I say grabbing a carton of milk and pouring us some. "There good."

"Alright" He picks one up and we eat for a little bit.

"Ready to work?" I ask finishing cleaning the kitchen.

"Sure, where's the paint?"

We gather up as much paint as we can and head into the living room. We take all the bland furniture and put it in my backyard which I never knew was so... Big and pretty. We decide to just empty the whole house so all my furniture new and old is now in my backyard.

Once the rooms are empty I cover the carpet with plastic and we begin.

"What color?"

"Hmm... Blue!"

"Dark or light?"

"Dark"

"Midnight or-"

"This one!" I pick up a paint bucket, "Don't make it so difficult!" I laugh opening the can and pouring a generous amount into a pan.

"Well you bought almost every color known to man! It's not my fault" He laughs handing me a roller.

"So I like to have choices." I'm about to dip my roller in when I remember, "Oh yeah!" I run out and bring back a radio.

"What's that?"

"It plays music." I set it down and turn it on, it plays very uplifting music. I bop around before beginning my job.

Haymitch laughs at me as I dance. "Oh just have some fun will you?" I laugh as I finish up my first wall.

I head over to the next one but as I do I feel Haymitch's wet roller move up and down my legs. "Hey!" I laugh putting some paint in my hand and throwing it at him.

Soon we are in a paint war flinging paint sometimes surprising the other by painting the others back. And then the room is fully painted.

"Awesome" I say looking at my blue body. "Next room!"

"You don't want to change or anything?"

"Why bother this going to happen in the next room."

"True." We lay out plastic in the next few rooms we paint the study green, the kitchen orange, my dance room purple, my library brown, My reading/writing/study area yellow, my guest room a more subdued blue. The four bathrooms vary from green to pink.

At this point I'm every color we've used because at no point in the day did we not throw paint at each other. We get to my room and I decide on a raspberry red color.

After my whole house is painted I look over to Haymitch. "How do i look?" I ask striking a ridiculous pose.

"One sec," He picks up the remaining red paint and splashes it on me. "Perfect."

"Take a picture for Phil?"

"And myself" He laughs.

"Where's your camera?"

"It's in the top draw in the kitchen." He runs down the stairs and grabs it quickly. After we snap a few photos I decide that it must be really late.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"Four... in the morning" He sighs looking at his watch.

"Cool" I laugh, "Alright well you want to shower here?"

"Um no... In fact you shouldn't either unless you want to die of the smell."

"Oh crap I didn't think about that" I stomp my foot and look around.

"You can sleep at my house if you want, but you're going to have to shower first."

"Sounds like a plan" I smirk as he leads me to his house. "Oh wait!" I say running back to my house, jumping my fence, grabbing my pjs, jumping my fence again, and meeting up with him. "Forgot clothes."

"Bad thing to forget" He laughs opening the door to his house. "So what's on tomorrows agenda?"

"Building furniture"

"Fun!" He laughs leading me through his own white house and to a guest bathroom. "here, you can sleep in the room across the hall." He points to one of the closed doors and I nod.

I turn on the shower and peel the paint off of me. It's dry and cracked and near impossible to get out of my hair.

I'm so occupied that I completely don't realize I'm singing, _"When somebody loved me everything was beautiful, every hour spent together lives within my heart and when she was sad I was there to dry her tears. And when she was happy so was I when she loved me._

_"Through the summer and the fall we had each other that was all. Just she and I together like it was meant to be. And when she was lonely I was there to comfort her and I knew that she loved me._

_"So the years went by I stayed the same but she began to drift away I was left alone still I waited for the day when she'd say I will always love you. _

_"Lonely and forgotten I never thought she'd look my way she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do like she loved me when she loved me._

_"When somebody loved me everything was beautiful every hour spent together lives within my heart when she loved me."_

I don't realize that I'm singing until I get out of the shower and there is nothing to drown my voice out anymore.

I raise my hand to my mouth swiftly. Oops... It's different now that I'm at his house.

I realize that I'm singing it for my mother, she always sang it on my grandmothers birthday. She told me she sang that for my grandmother's funeral so it held special meaning.

She told me that she wanted me to sing it for her when she died. I guess I finally did.

I sing it again louder now so my mother can hear me. I want her to know I remembered her.

Having no patients with my hair tonight I throw it up and change into my pjs. I exit the bathroom and walk right into the room Haymitch told me I could sleep in.

"Oh!" I say seeing him make my bed. "Sorry"

"No it's fine, I'm done." He picks something up off the bed and walks over to the door.

"Thank you again."

"It's nothing..." I make my way to the bed when I hear the door creek open again, "You... have a nice voice."

"Thank you" I smile lightly. He nods and leaves. I turn back to the bed and feel a little flutter in my stomach.

What? I think, what is that? Oh whatever. I pull down the blanket and fall asleep.

Morning or really noon comes quickly. I get up and head down to his kitchen.

I find a frying pan and a few eggs, I start to cook and I try to find plates.

Of course he had to place them out of my reach. I sigh in defeat and I head back to the stove turning it off so I don't do anything stupid and burn them.

I come to the conclusion after a few minutes of trying to reach the plates that I'm going to have to climb on the counter to reach them.

"What are you doing Love?" Haymitch laughs at me as I finally grab the plates.

"Cooking what does it look like I'm doing?" I retort. He puts his hands up and laughs at me.

"Can you only laugh at me?" I smile serving him.

"What? I was pretty serious in the Capitol."

"B S! You laughed at me there to!"

"Alright you caught me! Your easy o laugh around because you're just so... Cute"

"Cute?"

"Yeah innocent and it's funny when you almost break things"

"Yeah, yeah! alright come on!" I yank him away from doing the dishes to my backyard. "Okay... do you know how to build furniture?"

"No even slightly."

"Fantastic! Learning experience!" I say "Lorrain told me she would send over the pre built stuff when we finished building the other stuff." I say picking a book shelf and opening the box.

"Are you sure about this?"

"I'm kind of just going with the flow on this one" I say looking at the instructions.

Well turns out there is no 'flow' with building. It took us the whole afternoon but we finally built a book shelf. Granted we had to take it a apart at certain points but we did it!

"Alright new plan!"

"What would that be?" Haymitch says sarcastically still observing our work on the book shelf.

"Tomorrow at nine we're going to ask for Phil's help because at this rate I will never have furniture."

"I like that plan. So where does this one go?"

I lead him inside and have him place it in the study. "I don't know about you but I'm pretty excited about this."

"Are you kidding I'm ecstatic!" He says truthfully.

"Since I still don't have a bed-"

"Yeah come on" He motions for me to follow him.

So The next day we wake up early and head over to Phil's he and his son come and help us out.

We got a fourth of the way through and I'm really pleased. I thank all three of them more times than I can count Phil just laughs at me, "Noelle dear don't worry about it you pretty much paid for My son's wedding party."

I smiled and at the end of the day I tell them they can leave.

"Haymitch you can go to if you want" I say picking up a nightstand and carrying it up to my house.

"You still need some help?"

"A bit but You can go, I'm just going to organize stuff anyway."

"What do you want first?"

We get the study all set up with bookshelves and a desk. We get my dresser and night stand into my room before we call it a night.

"Well this is going to be hell." I laugh.

"Eh, we've seen worse"

"That is true" I laugh.

Begin to wonder why I like talking to him so much, why is it so easy to just smile and laugh around him.

I can't figure out why I get so damned happy that he likes helping me fix my house making it a home.

"Oh yeah look" He says as we enter the house. He runs to a drawer and pulls out the pictures of us covered in paint. "I gave one to Phil he died of laughter."

"Well duh! I look like I let children finger paint me. And you look like you fell in an art studio." He laughs and lays the photos out on the counter. "God are we a pair"

"Sure are" He chuckles lightly, "Well goodnight Love"

"Night" And I still can't pin why I feel slightly disappointed by him leaving.

* * *

_I realized writing about her home improvements was probably not so much fun for everyone... So I'll skip that for the next chapter!_


	21. Chapter 21 Hopeless

It took us two weeks to build everything and get it into my house over that it I really grew to like Phil and his sense of humor especially ever time he asked if Haymitch and I were dating.

As we finally get the last piece of furniture in my house all four of us just collapse onto my new couch in my living room.

"I never thought it would be done..." Haymitch sighs.

"Ooo!" I stand up and grab some champagne and four wine glasses. I pour each of us a small amount and bring them over. "Thank you I couldn't have done it without you."

"Cheers!" Phil clicks our drinks together, "Aren't you a bit young to drink?"

"It's champagne it's not that bad. But do you guys want the rest of it because I'm not very fond of it" I say finishing my glass.

"Yeah" Phil laughs. "well we better get going" Phil and his son place their empty glasses on the coffee table.

"Come on it's in the kitchen" I take Phil and give him the rest of the bottle.

"You know Noelle, I think you should really consider your relationship with Haymitch." I laugh thinking it's another joke, "Noelle I know you probably don't want to hear this from me, but he seems like he's blinded by you."

"Enjoy that Phil" I smile at him and take him to the door.

"Think about it" He winks at me before leaving with his son. I feel my face flush with embarrassment. Was he crazy?

"Hey Haymitch" I say entering the living room. When I walk in I find him asleep. I can't help the smile that crawls across my face. I pull out a blanket and throw it over him.

I turn on the ceiling fan just in case he wakes up in the night. I write down a quick note saying that it's okay if he stays, I turn of the light and just look at him for a bit.

I close the door and sigh. I decide to just not sleep at all and instead I clean my house granted there isn't a whole lot to clean but still.

As I go around my house I reach the kitchen and find the picture of Haymitch and I covered in paint.

I pick it up and smile, I take it and find a picture frame.

Once I have it set up I realize that it's the first picture in my house.

I continue to just dust and sweep my house until it's five in the morning. I decide that my house can't be more clean if I tried.

I go down stairs and cook.

I sing and dance around the kitchen as I cook. "_I'm nothing special in fact I'm a bit of a bore. When I tell a joke you've probably heard it before. _

_"But I have a talent a wonderful thing because every listens when I start to sing. I'm so grateful and proud all I want is to sing it out loud. _

_"So I say thank you for the music the songs I'm singing thanks for all the joy they're bringing who can live without it?_

_" I ask in all honesty what would life be without a song or a dance what are we? So I say thank you for the music for giving it to me._

_"Mother says I was a dancer before I could. She says I began to sing long before I could talk. But I often wonder how did it all start?_

_"Who found out that nothing could capture a heart like a melody can? Well whoever it was I'm a fan, so I say thank you for the music the songs I'm singing. Thanks for all the joy their bringing who can live without it?_

_" I ask in all honesty what would life be without a song or a dance what are we so I say thank you for the music for giving it to me"_ I turn around to pull out the toast I had been making when I see Haymitch standing at the door way.

"Oh! Morning" I blush a bit. He laughs at me "What?"

"Your embarrassed to sing in front of me"

"I'm not embarrassed! I was just shocked."

"Then why are you blushing?"

"I- I am not" I turn my attention back to cooking.

"Really? Then why won't you look at me?" He laughs still. I blush deeper but look into his eyes. "You are blushing."

"So what if I am?" I fake anger.

"So you can strip down on live television but you're afraid to sing in front of me."

"I'm not afraid to sing in front of you!"

"Then sing" He laughs and I am stunned at first by what he's asking me to do.

_"As the moon kindles the night as the wind kindles the fire as the rain fills every ocean and the sun the earth. With your heart kindle my heart." _ after singing the first lyric I turn back to my cooking.

_"Take my heart take my heart kindle it with your heart and my heart cannot be kindled without you with your heart kindle my heart."_ I finish my song and hand him a plate. My smiles at me but not his joking smile, it's sweeter than I thought it would be.

After we finish eating I start to clean up, "Well I should go now" He stands up and heads to the door.

"Alright... Bye" I say simple I feel a bit disappointed that I don't have any excuse for him to stay. I want to see him again.

I run up to my 'dance room' and just dance because even though I'm exhausted I need to get these emotions out of me. I need to not think about Haymitch in that way. I've barely known him for a month and I not about to let my teenage brain convince me I'm in love with him.

After about four hours of this not working I change my course of action and decide to read.

Reading doesn't help in any way, shape, or form. The romance novels only make me think I love him more, the drama novels make me feel more in love too.

I chuck one at the wall and try to write down how I feel.

It gets my feelings out in the open but alas to my dismay it still doesn't work.

By this point in the day I'm too tired to even make my way up to my bed so I just fall asleep on my couch in my study.

When I wake up I sigh at myself, "Well it's official" I say out loud but only loud enough that I can hear it, "After barely any time of knowing him at all I'm hopelessly, madly insanely and inconceivably in love with him." As soon as these words slip out of my mouth my heart flutters. How could it take only three months for me to fall hopelessly in love with Haymitch Abernathy?

* * *

_I think I forgot to say what siongs I used. The one she sang at Haymitch's house is called 'when somebody loved me' (from toy story 2) the first one she sings here is called 'Thank you for the music' and the last one she sings is called 'kindle my heart' (From the Little Princess)_


	22. Chapter 22 Open

_The song used in this chaper is through your eyes just in case you wanna listen to it... Just saying ;D_

* * *

The rest of the month was full of me experimenting. I read more books than I could count I wrote down how I felt every god forsaken day of my life.

Nothing took away this feeling inside of me. The only thing that could subdue it was dance. If I could just dance and leave the world that constrained me to this feeling of love than it was bearable.

I hated the joy that floated up inside of me every time he stepped outside his house for a walk.

Finally I have an excuse to talk to him. My victory tour begins today. My prep team just gushes over me and they inform me of their lives since the games all the glamour they have received.

"And Avedis is so happy now that he's retired"

"What?" I laugh looking down at one of my stylists.

"Oh he'll tell you all about it honey!"

Once they've done every imaginable thing to spruce me up Avedis comes in.

"Noelle dear!" He runs to me and kisses both of my cheeks. "I have so much to tell you." He starts to brush strands of my hair and clip them back, "After the Games I knew that you were one of a kind never to be replaced or trumped.

"So after a long while I decided to retire. So now I am yours and only yours!" He smiles observing the simple hair style he has just designed, "Noelle never cut your hair it's just too gorgeous to design"

"Promise" I laugh and he pulls out a simple day dress from my closet. It's not very high fashion like Avedis would like, but I love the floral print and the ruffles I can look young and in it I'm cute.

I'm lead down the stairs to my interview catch up thing. I'm not sure what it is really they'll tell me.

"Alright Noelle just sit here if you please" The camera man sits me down, "Now tell us what have you been doing since the games"

"Well I clearly redecorated my house a lot, it was quite an adventure. I have really grown to love dance in my time back and singing has also taken a big part of my life now.

"When I got back my dad told me that my mother had died before I won. So when she died I felt more inclined to sing because it's something she loved to do with me.

"Dance evolved after wards but I have really grown attached to the beauty of it."

"Excellent, tell us about the victory tour."

"I'm very excited to start my tour of the districts. Just to see them in person is very cool for me to think about. I can't wait to see them"

I'm asked a few ridiculous questions until I'm asked to demonstrate some dance for the camera. I perform gracefully for him and as soon as I'm done I'm whisked off to the train station on to my tour I go.

"You ready to see the districts Love?"

"I really am Haymitch. I think I'm ready to span my horizons"

"Are you ready to see the families?"

"What?"

"You give a speech to all the districts"

"I knew that"

"The families have a front row seat"

"That's fucking fantastic"

"You bet"

"I won't think about that now. I don't think I can allow myself that luxury." I sigh and take a seat, "So what have you been up to?"

"I've seen a lot of stars and walked a whole lot." He sits down next to me, "I've heard a lot of music coming from your house."

"Am I too loud?"

"Just loud enough" He laughs, "I really don't mind listening to you sing Love. You have a good voice for it"

"Well thank you. I have finally gotten used to that kitchen!" I throw my arms into the air in excitement.

"Nice" He laughs.

"I found a recipe that I want to try but it makes huge portions. When we get back you want to make it with me?"

"Yeah I can finally prove I can cook"

"I expect perfection" I laugh at him. "So is it hard to get up and consol the parents of children you killed?"

"Only the ones you saw die" He says seriously. "The rest you feel bad because you don't know how they died."

"The girl from eleven she was my first kill... I didn't even hesitate"

"Tell them that you did though. They'll believe you Love, you're from district Twelve"

"Yep... I am from district Twelve alright I got to go back. It's a blessing really they don't see it that way but really if you think about my competition There was a brother and a sister which yeah that would have sucked if one had to kill the other.

"Two was spineless and incompetent. Three well I made his eye come out so I sort of owed him death. Four would have done well as a victor but he was a bit nice. Five I didn't know. Six tried to rape me. Seven had a good chance she was a rebel. Eight was weak. Nine was weak. Ten was weak. Eleven had two twelve year olds.

"And then there was Barnard and I. He was too young and I am just happy to still breathe."

"You have no problem putting their deaths as nothing."

"Because their deaths are blessings"

"In what way?"

"The world we live in is hell. The sooner we know it the better it is for everyone. Death seems better than watching people you love and your children and friends children die. Death in this world is welcomed with open arms.

"Because in our world... Hope is rare and little. The only thing we can ever hold onto is love. God forbid you find love... Because the Capitol can take that from you all too easily to."By this point I am walking around pacing the compartment.

"But you're forgetting one thing Love." Haymitch stands up and walks towards me. " Hope and love go hand in hand. Because if love still exists in this hell we call a world. Then maybe there is hope for those in the Capitol"

"Why is it that no matter what we do we always find a way to maneuver Philosophy into our talks?" I smile.

"Because we're good at it. You seem to be able to inspire people"

"In what way?"

"In more ways than you could ever know"

"Well that answers my question as to why One fell so hard for me"

"Yeah because you were half naked when you met."

"You know it!" And just like that the mood changes. How? I don't have a fucking clue! We were in a heated dispute and suddenly wow... We can laugh. What was happening to me?

Why did I continually feel so awestruck by him? Why can't I contain my happiness when he opens his mouth to laugh at me?

What was it that made it so easy for me to talk from dusk till dawn?

Could it be that feeling of Love? Love is said to have a few hints, you can talk to them for what seems like minutes and have it be hours... Check.

You can spend all day and night with them and still want to see more of them... Check.

It's easy to talk to them and you're not afraid to say anything... Check.

You can't stand to think of what you would do without them in your life... This one I struggle to say yes to. It's true but I don't want it to be. Because again I haven't known him for more than a few months how can I admit to loving him.

But at the same time, how can I not?

* * *

I get through each grueling speech I make myself change each one to make sure that they feel like I care more than I do.

I left their families heartbroken the least I can do is make them think I care.

I even barrel through my interview with Caesar. I'm at a party in the Capitol now. It's all in my honor, some honor I guess.

I have a marvelous hot pink silky dress that makes me feel completely comfortable.

I eat with Haymitch a bit timid of so many people. "Miss. Garner!" I hear as I maneuver on the dance floor.

I turn to see a fifty year old man he is plastered like the other people in the Capitol but he is normal colored which I thank god for.

"Yes?" I ask fully facing him.

"Hello" He kisses my hand, "I'm President Snow, I have yet to speak with you privately to congratulate you." He motions for me to follow him.

"Oh yes of course thank you sir" I follow him out onto a very nice balcony. I look up at the breath taking night sky.

"Come and sit dear" I warily accept. "Noelle your Games were definitely a great follow up to our quarter quell. I believe you charmed your way into everyone's heart forever but as the sweetie of Twelve.

"You see you were very conflicting as a tribute what with your innocence and all. I was hoping the Games would rip that clean out of you.

"But it seems much to my dismay that you are determined to hold it. I'm afraid that you're little transformation was missed by a second."

Oh fuck he knows, he knows about me. "Who knows?"

"Everyone who did is dead now" My throat clutches at the thought. "Don't worry your secret is safe with me... But for now only, I fear..."

"What do you want?"

"A simple thing really" He stares at me with knowing eyes.

"... A show?"

"Precisely"

"Don't worry yourself sir I intend to give a good one" I think about Haymitch because never in all the time of the Games have two victors fallen in love. It's miraculous really, we are so alike but we are too scared to love one another.

"Well I'm glad to hear your cooperation Noelle. You see there is a man in-"

"I'm sorry sir that isn't what I meant at all" I stand up appalled by his suggestion, "I have something else in mind..."

"Well don't be shy now Noelle... If you won't play by my rules by all means explain yourself."

"I'm afraid I found that retched feeling that I said I have never felt." I play with my hands as I speak, "Through my... mentor" I say silently, now allowing the President into my love life.

"Good girl Noelle, I'll expect a wedding in-"

"Oh no I haven't told him... Yet." I say.

"well then if you will excuse me I think I will speed up the process" He smiles slyly at me and I dash into the party again socializing and dancing with people I don't know trying very hard to find Haymitch before Snow does.

Finally I see him, "Haymitch!" I nearly shout at him.

"Calm down Love it's a huge party I know but-"

"Haymitch please I'm begging you tell me that the President hasn't found you!" I beg him almost literally.

"I haven't seen him... why?"

"The man scares me" I shiver at my encounter.

"Eh shake him off."

"Excuse me Ladies and Gentlemen!" I hear Snow take the stage. Oh fuck... What's he going to do to me. "It's time for our lovely New victor Noelle, to dance with her Mentor!"

Everyone applauds and I fake a smile.

"Does this happen every year?" I whisper.

"How the Hell should I know this is my first year mentoring!" He whispers back, "Just go with it I guess."

"Everyone clear the dance floor." He announces and everyone obeys, "Don't be shy you two!" He is soon behind us shoving us onto the dance floor together.

I still slightly smile and Haymitch looks terrified to dance. I place my hand on his shoulder and one in his hand.

"Put your hand on my waist" He does so, "And just follow me" I say softly.

A slow lovey dovey song comes on sadly I know every lyric.

_Look at the sky,__tell me what do you see. Just close your eyes, and describe it to me. The heavens are sparkling, with starlight tonight. That's what I see, through your eyes_

_I see the heavens, each time that you smile. I hear your heartbeat, just go on for miles, and suddenly I know my life is worthwhile. That's what I see through your eyes._

The song is amazing sweet and kind, I almost fall into its spell. I smile at Haymitch though I want to rest my head on his chest. I yearn to just once let him hold me close to his heart. The song doesn't help me it edges my feelings on. I want to cave in and let them overtake my senses.

_Here in the night I see the sun, here in the dark our two hearts are one. It's out of our hands we can't stop what we have begun, and love just took me by surprise. Looking through your eyes._

_I look at myself and instead I see us. Whoever I am now it feels like enough and I see a girl who is learning to trust. That's who I see through your eyes._

I have to keep the reality in check. He doesn't even know I love him he doesn't know that but he knows everything else about me. He has gotten the gist of dancing and now twirls me across the floor showing me just one more reason why I should just let myself love him.

It's so hard to fight it but I do.

_Here in the night I see the sun, here in the dark our two hearts are one. It's out of our hands we can't stop what we have begun, and love just took me by surprise. Looking through your eyes._

_And there are some things we don't know sometimes a heart just needs to go, and there is so much I'll remember underneath the open sky with you forever._

I can hardly stand just looking at him he's happy and so am I. I want him to love me I want him to kiss me and never pull away. I want to be selfish and just let him be mine God Damned Snow for making me dance with him! Damned Snow for showing me that I am hopelessly head over heels in love with Haymitch! Damn him! but at the same time... Thank god that Haymitch is holding me.

_Here in the night I see the sun, here in the dark our two hearts are one. It's out of our hands we can't stop what we have begun, and love just took me by surprise. Looking through your eyes._

The song ends thank god! I was going to give in to my teenage emotions. I really wanted to do that but I didn't.

Everyone applauds and I... want to cry more than anything I want him to never let go of me. I want him to whisk me away to a world where we can love one another.

But I then remember he doesn't even know I love him.

I'm sure Snow is displeased but screw him I will do as I damned well please! I will tell him I love him when we get back home.

I want it to mean something to him I don't want it to be forced.

* * *

Well you know what? We got home... And I know that I have to tell him that I love him. I'll tell him about Snow after the fact.

He's coming over today, I didn't let him forget our little cooking date. I cleaned up nice but still put on sweats and a tee shirt. Because after serious consideration I realized that this will end in a mess.

I get down stairs and pull out a random recipe for something called Baked Alaska whatever the hell that is.

I start to get together the ingredients. "You ready for this Love?" Haymitch asks enter my kitchen.

"Oh yeah!" I smile in excitement. I instruct him to start making the cake part.

We cook strategically for a grand total of seven minutes before he tosses flour at me.

"Hey" I smile and toss powdered sugar at him. He tosses a bit more flour at me and the taste of sugar and flour is not a pleasant one.

Our little food fight becomes an all out war there is flour all over my kitchen and I crack an egg over his head.

He pours a bit of vanilla extract down my shirt.

"Save some ingredients for the food!" I laugh after I tackled him to the ground.

"Oh wait we were baking?"

"Yeah I forgot too!" We laugh and pick ourselves up after a few minutes and finally get our cake in the oven. "Oh my god!" I say finally taking in my kitchen.

"Yeah... Let's clean that" He says grabbing a mop and broom.

"I'll get the counters." As you can imagine cleaning evolved into a war as well. But at least we got the kitchen clean.

I pull the cake out and we finish up the recipe. "We did good Love!" Haymitch smiles spreading the topping on the cake.

"I know... You done?"

"Yep!"

"Alright last step... Oh fuck!"

"What?"

"We have to set it on fire!" I laugh and look at his shocked face.

"I'll get the matches." He grabs them and hands them to me, "Would you care to do the honors?"

"Not particularly" I laugh backing away.

"Suit yourself." He laughs I inch back over as he lights it.

"Oh my god" I jump back as the whole thing catches fire.

He waves the match until the flame is out and we watch in awe of the flames for a bit.

"That was cool!" Haymitch says as soon as the last of the flame dies out.

"Oh yeah!" I laugh "So now we eat it!"

"The fun part." We sit down at my breakfast table and eat a generous amount. I have a small bit left on my plate and I go to put it back when I get a better idea.

Haymitch is talking about something that I haven't really heard. I smash the remains of my cake in to his face.

He seems amused by it and takes some putting it on my face.

He stands up and smears it across my cheeks. He puts his cheeks to mine trying to wipe it off. I wipe some off his nose and put it on his lips.

He responds by putting his lips to mine. My mind freaks out a bit because holy crap he's kissing me.

My first reaction... Well the cake tastes better now.

After a few moments he pulls away and we blink at each other for a bit. When he doesn't say anything I feel instantly ashamed of myself. I want to cry...

I open my mouth to say something but just run up to my balcony instead.

I search the sky for a bit looking for an answer. When it doesn't come I look wildly at the ground.

"Love?"

"Haymitch I- I" I turn abruptly to look at him.

"Love?" He starts to come closer to me.

"I-... I'm sorry... Because this is going to sound crazy and weird and... and-and I think that I'm in love with you..." Oh how eloquent am I?

"What?"

"I sound like a crazy person don't I?"

"Well... Then that makes me equally crazy." He is now right in front of me.

I smile, "Really?"

"Really" He leans down and kisses me again. I'm blown off my feet it's perfect... He's perfect. His touch is kind and soft but his lips are warm and full of passion.

I feel a cool breeze rustle the air, I just want to feel him now. I feel his heart racing against me. I'm sure my heart is doing the same.

My heart is warm and its pleas are now answered. When he pulls back I don't want him to.

He chuckles "I guess the name isn't just for show" I see a different softness in his eyes one that would never hurt me or anyone ever I don't care who he is I love him. At this moment I am his and he is mine.

As my lips begin to feel bare without him there to touch them he pulls me back to him. He holds me and I know with this kiss that the years could fly by and I wouldn't miss any of them.

* * *

_Romance and if you couldn't tell by this chapter I'm a hopeless romantic... Hopeless being the key word._


	23. Chapter 23 Smile

I would be lying if I didn't say that kissing him became my new favorite memory.

Every day we saw each other we would talk about everything. I'd sing and attempt to teach him how to dance. We would laugh at one another it the friendliest way.

I would cook and smile all day. He would kiss me and hold my waist and every time he did the magic I felt the first time he kissed me always came back.

One day in early December he comes over with a letter.

"What's that?" I ask childishly coming up from behind him wrapping my arms around his neck. He is sitting on my couch and I am standing behind him.

"It's from the Capitol"

"So it can only be good." I smirk turning so he can see my face. He wrangles me so I'm on his lap. I cover my laugh with the sleeve of my sweater. He pulls my hand back and out of my sweater lacing his fingers with mine.

"You know it." He opens the letter and reads it silently. I take no interest in it and kiss his neck lightly as he reads. "Ha! They want me to go to some Victors ball!"

"What?" I laugh at the thought.

"Yeah apparently after you've mentored someone you get invited. Probably only mentors because the new victors had the tour." He lifts me up a bit.

"Sounds like you're going to have a blast in the Capitol all by yourself!" I laugh.

"That's probably where they have the yearly interviews."

"That would be the intelligent thing to do." I lean in closer to him, "When is it?"

"December twentieth. I leave the nineteenth"

"Isn't it the eighteenth?"

"Yeah it's weird that they would do something so last minute. It's the Capitol for crying out loud"

I laugh a little and then remember "Aw you're going to miss my birthday"

"When's your birthday?"

"The twenty first"

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine, it's not your fault anyway." I put my fore head to his. "So you leave tomorrow?"

"Yep" I laugh and kiss him. He wraps his arms around me and spins me. It scares me at first because I wasn't expecting it.

I giggle after the initial shock. I put my face in the crook of his neck and he laughs at my childish behavior.

He lets me down lightly and looks at me "So what do you want for your birthday?"

"Hm... I don't know... You want to celebrate now?"

"Why not?"

"Alright" I take his hand and lead him threw my house until we are on my balcony. "Wait here"

I run back inside and grab a blanket and run back laying out. "Picnic?"

"I guess?" I laugh.

"In the dead of winter?"

"Yep!" I smile and run back inside. I grab some food that is easy to carry and bring it up to him.

We eat some and as soon as we're done he takes me in his arms. "So Love?"

"Hmm?"

"In the Capitol, they are going to ask me about my love life..."

"Oh" I sigh.

"Do you not want me to talk about you?"

"I'm not comfortable with telling those people about our love life, and our lives for that matter."

"So what should I do?"

"Give them a show" I say simply. He laughs at me,

"You know just what they want and aren't afraid to give it to them"

"Plus it's fun to screw with them" I smile. He shakes his head at me and brings me closer to him. I look up at the sky as it slowly fades into a silent night.

"So what's next?" That his problem he always looks for the next thing. I think he knows it bugs me.

I look up at him and sing, "_You're gonna miss this your gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast these are the good times so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but your gonna miss this."_ I kiss him after wards.

"Is that your way of telling me not to worry about it." He whispers to me.

"Yep" I whisper back. As I kiss him again snow begins to fall around us.

"We should go inside." I take his hand at his words.

"Alright." We stand up and I lead him inside and take him to my bed. I take off my socks and get under the covers. "Come on"

"Are you sure?" I just laugh and take his hand guiding him to my side.

"Positive" I take him in my arms and put my head to his chest.

He lays his head over mine. I feel complete with him by my side.

I am rudely awakened by a strange annoying ringing. I sit up right quickly pulling my arms off Haymitch.

"What?" His eyes snap open.

"What is that?" I look at him confused and very, Very afraid.

"It's just the phone" He sighs getting up and walking to my nightstand to pick it up. "Hello?"

I examine him because I have never used a phone in all my life and I have never even seen one.

"...Why?" He asks cautiously. "Alright! Alright I was just helping Noelle fix her... Sink... Yeah I got it... Okay... Alright... Bye" He hangs up the phone and turns to me.

"So?"

"That was Girish... He's at my house wondering where I am. He wants to get me ready for tomorrow or something."

"Oh have fun with that ball of sunshine and joy" I lean back to the head board of my bed.

"You're sleep deprived" He kisses my forehead and makes his way out of my house.

"I knew that already!" I hear him leave and I flop out of my bed. I attempt to roll out of my bed. I say attempt because I just curl up under my covers after I have fallen on the floor.

After a quick nap I finally get up and resume a normal day.

I read, cook, and dance. Exhausted after a full day I pass out on my couch.

The next day is even more uneventful as the day before. I'm bored almost all day because I don't have anyone to talk to.

I laze around most of the day and my television scares the crap out of me when it turns on automatically.

It's the entrance to the victors party I guess. I roll my eyes and leave the room knowing it will turn its self off.

As I'm making myself work around my house I hear the Television grow louder and louder. As if someone wants me to watch it very badly.

I go back to the living room and as I reach the room I see none other than Haymitch being pestered by reporters before he enters the building. They are shouting questions at him and he just brushes them off until one successfully stops him.

He keeps a calm face but I know just how badly he wants to punch his ass out. "Haymitch, where is your date?"

"I wasn't aware we could bring one but had I known she would be here." He smiles and continues until he's at the door.

I can't stop laughing all the reporters are shocked They are all shouting after him asking about his would be date.

I'm literally on the floor gasping for breath I'm laughing so hard. The reporter turns back to the camera and starts an outro. "Well folks who is the lucky lady who has Haymitch in her grasp?"

Before he says anything else I raise my hand to mock them. I don't care if I'm alone I'll mock them if I damn well please!

I can't bring myself to stop laughing as these people on television go on and on about Haymitch's secret lover.

I'm dying of laughing I'm crying I'm a flat out mess. I can't tell why I'm so hysterical but I am.

I eventually lift myself up and turn off the television. Deciding that it's late I head off to bed.

In the early morning while it's still extremely dark I lift myself out of bed. It's my birthday, and my memories flood back.

Every year on my mother's, my father's, and my birthday we always went to the seam and helped for a day.

So that's exactly what I plan to do. I get up and decide to cook very fine foods for them. I have had difficulties keeping in touch with my old school friends. Now that I'm a victor I guess that a lot has changed but I'm still the same old girl.

It took me half the day but by noon I have all the food I could need for the Seam ready. I make my way through town to the very edge of District Twelve.

The first person I see is my old friend Ruthie. I smile the moment she looks at me. She runs out of her little house and hugs me.

"Happy birthday" She smiles.

"Yep seventeen years under my belt. You want to get everyone together?" I hold up my large basket and her eyes grow wide.

"Oh you didn't have to"

"I do every year. Why would any of that change?" She takes my hand and leads me threw the seam and around town inviting people to my birthday party.

I'm really excited to see all my friends again, I want to show them that I am just Noelle. That the games took me but I came back myself.

Ruthie and I decide that it's a spectacular idea to have the party in Victor Village. We set up a nice party space in my house and I guide people through my house telling them that it's okay and such.

They are all worried to break anything or even touch things. I laugh lightly and tell them to calm down.

Once everyone settles in we begin to have fun. Parents are still very wary of what they do. I look over and see my good friend, "Hello Mr. Everdeen" I smile. He's two years older than me most of the year but right now it's only one. Next February he'll be nineteen and out of the reaping for good.

I like messing with him he's always a good sport with me patient with everyone. We were always singing together in school but his voice was noticeably better than mine.

His grey eyes flash and he smiles "Hello little girl"

"Hey you're not over age yet." I hug him.

"How you doing kid?"

"I'm fabulous! How's the courting going?"

"Shh! She's here!"

"Yep I invited her! How's it feel to be free?"

"Eh... I'm not really free I've got to work in the mines but it's sort of better. How does it feel to be adored by a country for killing children?"

"Better than I expected. I mean I learned how to swim" I shrug my shoulders, " So are you going to talk to her."

"I'm going to do more than talk to her..."

"Ooo! Are you finally going to tell her?"

"Yep."

I squeal, "Well what are you doing here go tell her! In fact if you want go up stairs to the third floor and take her onto the balcony... That's where I..."

"Does someone have a secret love affair?"

"If you can keep a secret I do!"

"Who is he so I can kick his sorry ass for you"

"The boy next door" I look into his eyes.

"So I can't kick his ass successfully but I can damned well try!"

"Amen! You're the first to know by the way"

"I'm honored" He bows playfully

"Now go and talk to her!" I slap his arm playfully.

"You know you're worse than any sister I could have had!"

"Go now!" I push him towards the apothecary girl. For the life of me I can't remember her name.

I know she's kind and sweet. She is very good at what she does, but there is no life in her. Sometimes I wonder why she continues to go to school when her family is so well off. But then I remember that she goes for him. He is her life whether she knows it or not.

He has all the life in him that she needs. She just hasn't seen the light yet. I hope that he can tell her and not freak out though.

I shrug my shoulders and mingle around my party for a while longer. I play out in the snow with the children and dance with my friends. We really have a great time. Just like the old days.

The party is over almost too soon for anyone's liking but them all leave with smiles and full stomachs. I lead them all out and as soon as they are all gone I head up stairs. I reach my bedroom and take my shirt off to change.

"Oh my god!" I scream looking out on to my balcony.

"Oh... Um Noelle I uh!" His eyes widen and she clings to him closely.

"Sorry guys um..." I take my shirt and cover my chest. " I uh..."

"We'll go" The apothecary girl giggles. "Sorry! Thank you for your hospitality" She bolts out of my house and he trails quickly behind.

"He owes me one" I shake off the appalled look on my face and finish changing.

I look at the clock and it's nine. Fantastic! Just as I think this I hear the clicking of my television turn on. I roll my eyes and run to turn it off.

As I reach the living room I see Haymitch on the screen. Fucking president Snow this is definitely all him.

"So Haymitch everyone is dying to know is there a lucky girl that you're with?" Caesar ask giddy as always.

"Well yes there is"

"Oh isn't that wonderful." Everyone's excitement increases, "Tell us who is the dame?"

"Well I don't know if I should tell. We haven't really told anyone about our relationship yet. I'd like to ask for her permission first"

"What a gentleman... Well do you want to tell us about her?"

"I guess." He takes a breath and a smile forms on his lips, "She's beautiful in every way. She's kind and graceful. She's not afraid of anything at all. She's the kindest bravest girl I know. Though I haven't said it out loud yet... I love her"

Now I smile he hasn't said it... But then again he hasn't needed to.

"How about that ladies and gentlemen?" Everyone applauds wildly but he doesn't hear them. He's just smiling like an idiot... I hope he's thinking of me, "So any plans for the future?"

"Not really, she's more of a live in the moment kind of girl"

"Ah I see. Would you like to think about the future?"

"Well I mean I've never known a girl that was so alright with me and my life. But I guess that's what happens when you find someone you love. She understands me and doesn't care what people think of her."

"Well she does sound like something"

"Yeah she is"

"Well folks that seems like it's all the time we have for Haymitch." The crowd sighs, " Any last words"

"Just a few... Happy Birthday Noelle" He laughs and I blush madly.

"Oh our newest victors birthday is today well I hope she has a great one." I am praising god that no one can see me right now. "Well Happy birthday Noelle goodnight everyone"

* * *

_So I really tried very hard to get this to you guys so yay! I still need some help thouh fluffy stuff just for now until I can get back to the plot but I need fluff!_


	24. Chapter 24 Take my Breath Away

_Fair warning this is a very graphic chapter... Fair warning._

* * *

That boy knows just how to take my breath away. I hold the remote to my heart as he smiles at me... Well the camera but I know he's smiling at me.

I roll my eyes at myself and turn off the television. He's coming home tomorrow evening.

Sleeping is relatively easy for me no dreams which is the best dream. Around noon I finally crawl out of bed and make my way through my house finding very little interest in anything trying to wake myself up.

At about five o'clock I hear my television turn on again and I know Haymitch is back in the district.

I put on something sort of nice I guess a skirt and a shirt nothing to special. I slip into his house the door is unlocked as usual. I slip upstairs to his bed room I survey the dark room.

I hear the front door open and I know Girish is with Haymitch. I close the door quietly and find the bed. I hear a door slam and I'm sure Haymitch's temper has gotten the better of him.

I hear him stomp up the stairs and throw the door open. When the lights come on his face is priceless.

"Hey!" I wave as his eyes grow.

"h-hey?"

"Welcome home! How was your trip."

"Hell" He flops onto the bed next to me. "How was your birthday?"

"Well I help a friend of mine get a girl."

"Fun" He laughs at me putting an arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah thanks for telling the whole capitol by the way. Now imagine the crap I'll go through"

"Oh they would have found out any way why not make it special" He chuckles. We don't say anything after that we turn off the lights. We don't really need to say anything I guess.

We fall asleep together the second time we sleep in the same bed.

I'm again awakened by Haymitch's phone ringing. It doesn't scare me so much this time. I swipe the phone off its base and hand it to him.

"Hello" He mumbles slightly as I shift back into his arms, " Sorry she's not here..." He plays with my hair giving a strange look." ...alright"

He hands me the phone "... Hello?"

"Hello Miss. Garner. It's President Snow" I sit up in alarm, "You see I thought you might have been more assertive with your little story."

"What?"

"Well I just thought that since you love your father so much you would play up the romance a little"

"What did you do?" I'm almost screaming as Haymitch takes me in his arms.

"I think you get my message loud and clear Miss. Garner."

"What did you do you son of a-"

"Watch it you may still have time... That is if you learn your lesson"

"You listen to me and you listen good I don't follow any damned rules even the ones you make so shove that persona up your ass and give it to me straight"

"Well then the Peace keepers will be there in exactly four minutes"

I throw the phone down and sprint down and out of the house faster than I can even think about what happened.

I jump fences dash through the streets and cause quite a lot of commotion among the towns people. I somehow make it to my old home in under a minute but I hear worse things.

I boldly kick the door down and see Peacekeepers beating my father to death.

I shout nonsense as I spring towards him. My father a sweet kindly old man who has never hurt a soul, is bleeding right in front of the customers, Children stand in horror mothers grip them tightly.

I jump right on top of him "How dare you?" I shout in pain as their clubs and whips slam my back hard. "Stop! He's done nothing!"

"Sorry ma'am we have orders" One rips me off my father and thrusts me to the side. "Thirty lashes"

"On what grounds?" I fight his grasp winning in the end.

"Stealing"

"What? Stealing what?" My father has not the slightest nerve to steal a thing.

"Well... You" He whispers. What the hell? I throw him to the side and cover my father again. For the rest of his besting I lay on top of him our blood mixes, our tears become one.

I hear the peace keepers leave and I feel sore bruises from the clubs I received only five lashes, I'm grateful though. The last five would have killed him. I raise myself and the customers who were standing in awestruck horror stand again with wide fear filled eyes.

"Someone please! Get a healer!" I shout and one mother dashes off and I hope it's for my father. In my distress I forgot the reasoning for this in the first place.

For stealing me? The fuck did that mean? Snow knows who I am what I can do but why won't he tell anyone? That must be how he knew I wasn't my parents child.

But stealing? What would Snow do to me what else could he do? What would happen to him if I didn't obey? Well to hell with him I can sure as hell protect my father. Me however... They could do whatever they wanted to me, I don't care!

They can't touch Haymitch because he's a victor and a Victor doesn't just disappear.

I push my hair back that's too much to think about now. the front of my body is covered in my father's blood. My back is bruised and cut but his is mangled.

"I'm so sorry daddy" I whisper and he blinks his affections. He's in pain it's written all over his face I kiss his forehead and allow myself tears.

"What happened?" I hear the healers run in. The girl from my party is here now with her mother.

"I-I-"

The older woman squats by my side. "Laurel take her!" Laurel! That was her name! Man Ralph and Laurel Everdeen seemed to fit nicely. Laurel takes my hand and leads me to the apothecary.

She bursts through the door and tells her father that her mother needs help. He nods and runs out the door. "It's okay Noelle mother and father are going to do all they can" She lays me down on a bed and I now realize that I have cried the whole way over here.

I try and wipe my tears but here I have no one to be brave for. I can cry so I choose to, I allow myself as many tears as I can manage. She patches up my putting a thick coat of medicine on my wounds.

I try and spark conversation because letting my mind wander does me no good, "So how have you been" I chuckle a bit.

"I'm fine" She smiles laugh at me.

"How's Ralph?"

"He's fine too"

"Aw not going to tell me anything about my big brother?"

"What?" Her eyes grow wide.

"No we're like brother and sister. We aren't actually"

"Oh thank god!"? She laughs a little, "He told me about you" She smiles thinking about him.

"I'm glad you're happy. Um he didn't happen to tell you anything... did he?"

"About?"

"My love life? Sorry about interrupting you by the way"

"Oh it's fine my parents would have skinned me alive if I wasn't home sooner. And no he didn't tell me anything." She looks up from her handy work.

"Laurel! Come quickly!" I hear her mother shout. I hear stumbling and a loud thud. I cover my ears and block out any thoughts that pertained to anything but him being alright.

I hear him scream until I can't take it anymore and cry myself. I take in a deep breath and erect my stature so I can run to him. I can feel my own wounds reopen.

I make my way into a large almost hospital like room where they are digging deeper into his skin looking for the razor sharp spikes that came off of the weapons during his beating.

I have to muster all of my strength to not throw up. I swallow hard and take in the haunting scene.

His blood splattered all on the floor. His eyes dead with an unconscious bloody glaze. His back looks more like a tilled field and I can't bear the smell of death. I feel a heavy dark cloud swirling over our heads.

"Noelle what are you doing?" Laurel sees me standing at the door. I rush to his side and take his hand crushing it to my chest.

I can't cry any more my eyes won't allow it. I stand there for him. I have to be his strength, his shoulder to cry on.

I'm thankful my mother isn't here to see this. But maybe she'll see him before the day is through. No stop think about that! I shout at myself. There are to many things to feel at once to many emotions to many ideas it's making me sick. I can't focus on any one person or thought without jumping to another.

The only thought that keeps reoccurring is , The Capitol plays dirty and is great mind tricks. I'll kill every last one of those selfish asses for what they have done to me today.

I grit my teeth and hold his lifeless hand. I'm here and he will wake up. I can't live with myself knowing that his death is my fault. My hands are shaking I don't feel as stable as I need to be.

I don't care I'll hold his hand for all time if that is what he needs.

"Noelle! You're losing a lot of blood. I need to get you treated be-"

"No!" I snap. I can't just leave him. Opening my mouth allowed nausea to overcome me. I don't care though he needs me!

I feel Laurels soft hand take mine from my fathers. She leads me from the room and takes me back to my own.

"I'll be right back" She closes the door behind her and I can't fight the urge to vomit. I run to the bathroom and vomit. My stomach muscles are sore, my back is still bleeding, and I have now added sick to my growing list of pains I have gained.

I clench my teeth and try to swallow the sick that threatens to come up. Let's just say that I lose six times.

I can't stand, all the energy I thought I might have is gone. I can't even cry, I end up walking lamely over to my bed and gasping for breath after the terrifying ordeal of the walk.

Laurel comes in as soon as I lay down. "Sorry I took so long." She strips off my bloody bandages and cleans my wounds. My entire back is numb my heart is weak and I feel faint.

Clearly there aren't enough words in the English language that describe how I feel.

Laurel leaves when a bell from the front door rings.

"Hello sir what can I do for you?" She asks calmly still in the care taker mode. She shuts the door behind her.

I'm tired but to scared to go to sleep. How dare they attempt murder because I didn't play by the rules! "I'm sorry you're not allowed in that room!" I hear Laurel shout as the door to my room swings open.

I'm weak... To weak, I have to do something. "Love!" Haymitch whispers as his hand traces my face. He is on the side of my bed and I'm facing him full on. His hands are so cool, it's such a forgiving kind touch.

I lift my head and my world instantly swirls he puts my forehead to his. "I'm sorry..." He whispers as his throat constrains. I'm such an idiot for wanting to stand up. I want him to wrap me in his arms and take me away. I want him to take me anywhere but here.

I put my arms around his neck and lift myself up "No don't" He tries to keep me down but now I have to vomit again so I have good reason.

I gasp as my limbs take flight and whisk me to the small bathroom. I slam the door with all I have and become incapacitated as I'm sick yet again.

This time I'm not lucky enough to stand and get back to bed. Instead I waste all my energy on holding down whatever (if anything at all) still in my stomach.

Today might just be my unluckiest day ever because that was as I said wasted energy.

I can't move it's a wonder that I'm even breathing at all at this point. And slowly and thankfully I slip into sleep.

* * *

_So cute will come promise! Promise! The next chapter won't be so... like this I swear._


	25. Chapter 25 The Lucky One

I can't sleep soundly ever can I? I wake up multiple times, in tears. I never scream or thrash around which my sore muscles thank me for. I wake up in tears every time.

And every time Haymitch is there holding my hand, brushing back my loose strands of hair, sleeping on my shoulder, he won't leave he refuses.

In the morning I can't help but feel bad for him. "Morning" He whispers seeing my discomfort "You don't have to sleep anymore." He brushes my hair back.

"How long have I cried" And god do I sound awful. My voice cracks and my dry tone makes me cough.

"You never stopped." He says sadly putting his hand on my head.

"I... I don't like this" I manage a soft laugh.

"I'd be concerned if you didn't" He stares solidly at me. He doesn't want to joke around with me. I can't blame him, I'm not doing very well right now. "What's going to happen?"

"Well, you're going to get better and we're going to kick Snow's sorry ass"

"That sounds like fun" I mock him just a bit, "This is where defiance lands you."

"It doesn't have to." He sighs.

"I know... But they think everything is an act of resistance." I turn my head to see him.

"Everything should be." He whispers.

"Not now" I sigh coughing again.

"They did this to you"

"Yes but... There are more pressing matters right now." I have to tell him now.

"What could possibly be more pressing than this?"

"My father... Isn't" I say losing my courage and whispering the last part.

He stares down at me and I sigh, "He found me... I'm not his daughter. I was abandoned."

"What does that change? He's still your dad. Maybe not biologically but still. It's better than nothing." He doesn't care. So would he care if I... No! I can't do that I can't let him know.

A month passes before The healers allow me to go home. By then my back is almost fully healed good thing is it won't scar either because of the medicine they gave me.

Haymitch never leaves my side the whole time he even refuses to leave until he's seen me go to bed.

I want to dance again I want to dance and Laurels family said I could when I got home, but Haymitch wouldn't let me.

He was scared which I can't blame him for but it's been two weeks and this morning I finally woke up before he did.

It's three in the morning and I can't help but feel rebellious. I slip down to my untouched dance room and play soft music. I start out simple stretches and ballet. As I feel more and more confident I do more and more.

I feel free and happy again finally I can let all my emotions out. I check the clock and it's five thirty two. Haymitch comes over around six.

I sigh not wanting to ever stop dancing and clean myself off. I leave the music on and brush my hair. I lay it all out on my dance floor and it's not impossible to not put it up. I leave it down occasionally but today I make three huge braids and braid those together.

Now that I have a full on rope of hair I can walk.

"Love what the hell are you doing?" I almost scream in surprise when Haymitch opens the door.

"I'm doing my hair! What's it look like I'm doing?"

"Why are you in here?" He laughs. I get up on my own and I see he doesn't like it.

"I wanted to listen to music" I shrug.

"Don't you do that down stairs?" Oh shit he knows me to well... "You were dancing?" He almost rushes over to me and I can't help but laugh.

"Yep and now that my hair is done I can run away from you!" I try and run in the opposite direction but he grabs my hand pulling me to him. "Calm down they said I was fine... I am fine." I go on my toes and kiss his neck.

"Will you ever slow down?" A smile creeps on his face.

"Probably not." I force a laugh out of him lacing our hands together. "I want to go for a walk." He gives me a stern look. "What? I'll be fine my dad just got home. I kind of... well I want to tell him about us..."

His look softens, I bite my lip looking into his eyes. He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. "Okay." he lets go of my hands and follows me.

We make our way out of my house and down the road. As we near town I see him inch away from me. I want to sigh at him but jump him instead. I knock him clear off his feet into a snow bank.

"What the-" He starts but I bring him up to a kiss before he can say anything else.

"We are not different. We don't have to be. It's our life and no one else's. " I smile as our noses touch.

He sighs, "You really aren't afraid of anything are you?"

"What is there to be afraid of?" I ask. We get up and hand in hand we walk into town.

No one in town seems shocked in the least by us. Haymitch was alone and to most he was cold. I am the brightest light in District Twelve as they like to say.

Some of my old school friends pass by us and whistle or encourage us. He seems hesitant but I can't stop laughing. Not only at him but at the boldness of my classmates.

We reach my father's store and home. "Daddy!" I call out closing the door behind Haymitch. "Dad?"

"He's upstairs" I look over and one of the little Seam girls my father hired is smiling at me.

"Thank you." I smile back and lead Haymitch through the house. "Hi daddy." I say when we reach his bed room.

He looks better his back is patched up his eyes are aware and he can smile when he sees me. I sit on the edge of his bed and hug him.

"Hello Sweetheart" He looks over at Haymitch, "Finally found one you like eh?" I laugh but Haymitch turns bright red.

"Yep!" I smile.

"Well you see your mother and I always thought you would never get a boyfriend just to piss them off!"

"Dad!" My eyes widen.

"Seems like you." Haymitch mumbles.

"Hush!" I glance at him.

"Alright I've got it from here Noelle, would you mind helping Lacy down stairs?"

"Nope" I kiss his cheek and brush Haymitch as I leave.

I spend an hour with Lacy her bright smile her cute laugh fills the house with a light it hasn't seen in a while.

We dance around the store once it's clean. She has the curliest chocolate brown hair I've ever seen. Each time she jumps it rebounds twice more.

I begin to twirl her when suddenly Haymitch comes up from behind me and lifts me up and twirls me around. "Having fun?" He smiles.

"So much!" I laugh kissing him which make little Lacy squeal and cover her eyes.

We play with the eight year old for hours she's sweet and charming. Haymitch even decides to play with her.

We finally decide it's time to leave and we say our goodbyes to Lacy.

"So what did he say?" I ask as he takes me in his arms.

"Well he talked to me about you and after a while... He told me to tred with caution."

"What?" I laugh out loud.

"He said that your independent and not afraid to take a stand. Which is why I fell in love with you in the first place. You aren't afraid to defy odds or change."

"Awe how sweet"

"Yes..." He wraps his arms around my waist, "Yes you are." He whispers in my ear and kisses my cheek.

We get back to my house and curl up together by the fire.

"Do you want to move in?" I ask during a silence.

"Excuse me?" He laughs.

"Well you practically live here anyway plus it feels more like home." I look up at him, "Do you want to move in with me?"

"Alright" he smiles down at me "oh!" He gets up and walks out bringing back a sheet of music.

"What is this?"

"I heard this song while you were... and well it made me think about... me" I laugh lightly, " Will you sing it for me?"

"Alright " I sigh as he takes his place next to me. _"She thinks I walk on water" _I look up and give him a face he motions for me to continue, _"She thinks I hung the moon. She tells me every morning 'they just don't make men like you' " _I laugh and look up again.

I raise an eyebrow and he sighs motioning me to continue, _"She thinks I've got it together, she swears I'm as tough as nails. But I don't have the heart to tell her she don't know me that well" _look up into his eyes but return to sing,

_"She don't know how much I need her she don't know I'd fall apart, without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't know that it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world she's my everything and she thinks she needs me."_

I look up at him but he motions again to the paper, _"Sometimes when she cries on my shoulder, when she's lying next to m. But she don't know that when I hold her she's really holding me, holding me._

_" She don't know how much I need her she don't know I'd fall apart, without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't know that it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world she's my everything and she thinks she needs me."_

_"Yeah and the funny thing is she thinks she's the lucky one."_

_" She don't know how much I need her she don't know I'd fall apart, without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't know that it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world she's my everything and she thinks she needs me."_

_"She thinks I walk on water she thinks I hung the moon."_

I look up as the song ends. He smiles and takes me into his grasp. "I showed your dad that song." I don't say anything but instead look into his eyes and smile, "He said that I better not make you cry... And he also said that I don't have to be afraid."

"Never" I whisper getting onto my knees and kissing him. My hands fall effortlessly to his neck and his fall on my back.

This is the longest we've kissed, I part my lips and we breathe one another's air. Our lips play gently and the fire crackles behind us.

Our hearts dance together to the same beat our lips play and before you begin to wonder no we did not have sex.

* * *

_The song used here is called 'she thinks she needs me' _


	26. Chapter 26 Can't Be Much Worse

It's the morning of Reaping, I am now a mentor. How wonderful teaching children how to kill each other.

I step outside of my house and see Haymitch exit his. I smile because I recall his reasoning to sleeping in his house last night.

I knew he just didn't want the Capitol to fawn over us yet. I knew he was cautious because if we live together they would think that were having sex.

"You ready?" I ask holding my hand out to him.

"When we're there" He sighs. He's very touchy with the Capitol knowing. I swear if we had the option I would certainly let him keep us a secret until I was nine months pregnant with his kid.

He walks right next to me instead of showing any sign of affection. I shrug it off as we reach the square.

"Hello!" A bright Capitol glazed accent squirms into my ears. "I'm Assandra" A very old woman approaches. She's short and has very red hair and an outfit to match. Her eyes are red too, it's horrifying quite frankly, "The new escort for district Twelve." She speaks up after our silence. He smile is glued to her face.

"Hi" I say with a pained smile.

"Oh the ceremony will soon begin!" She claps and now I can tell that her smile is surgically altered to stay that way.

"A-alright" I say tensely trying to get this woman away from this animal.

"Please take your seats." She guides us to our spots and the ceremony begins.

I drift slowly away from it all until I hear the girls name announced, "Roxanne Duggan"

Oh god... I think, that's Ruthie's little sister. I gasp she's just a kid barely turned twelve this year. I hear Ruthie let out a troubled sigh.

Roxanne makes her way to the stage trembling with fear holding back tears. "How old are you dear?"

"Twelve" She sighs as tears stream down her face.

I try to shake off my emotions but I can't. "Splendid!"

Now Roxanne is gasping and crying extremely hard. As Assandra tries to rally the crowd I stand up and take her in my arms.

"It's alright Roxanne." I whisper once and I'm sure everyone is gawking at me. Never has a mentor done that for a tribute. No one even knows if it's legal.

I hold little Roxanne she so short I have to kneel to reach her height. As soon as the boy is pick I let the other twelve year old cling to me.

I try my very best to sooth their cries but it's a futile attempt they are being sent to the slaughter house like the runt of a litter.

"Good luck tributes!" Assandra rings out to the crowd and I know I have to let go. As soon as I do their hands find mine and I lead them to the justice building.

The two are torn from my side, I take a deep breath before I face Haymitch, "Guess what new rule they're making?" I half smile.

He chuckles, "Yeah you're in deep shit"

"Well some ones got to keep them on their toes." I laugh with him. "how are we going to do this?"

He's silent, "Haymitch you know that-"

"Yeah I know!" He snaps suddenly.

"What?" I ask bewildered by his anger. He has never been angry about the topic. I knew that it was touchy but really?

"Later"

"No now! What the hell you can't get mad and then-"

"Later Noelle!"

Well I'm in trouble he hasn't called me that since my interview before my games. "Stop acting like your PMSing only one of us can at a time!"

"Fine!" He storms off towards the car. I stand shocked as he exits the building and camera's flash. I wait with wide eyes until the two kids come out and meet me.

I lead them to the car trying to almost shield them from the cameras. We get into the car and a very stubborn Haymitch looks out the window.

I want to roll my eyes and just let my tongue fly with anger but I keep my composure until we get to the train station and on the train.

"Come!" I whip him around and drag him to a back compartment. "What the hell?"

"Oh you don't get to question me!"

"Look tell me what's wrong"

"You should know!"

"What does that mean?"

"Don't play dumb!"

"I'm not! Stop being such a woman!"

"I'm just a piece! I'm just a piece in your game and theirs!"

"I don't follow" I hush the anger in my voice.

"You... You're just using me just like the Capitol... I'm just your little play thing"

"Is that honestly what you think this is? What you think we are?"

"Our 'love'? It's just so the Capitol can get what they want!"

"Is that how you feel?" My heart breaks as I even utter the words, "Because it's not how I feel" I whisper this part and only I can hear it.

"Our love it's not real! It's all just for them!"

"Is that what you believe honestly?"

"Yeah! It is!" Well it's official I will never be able to find all the pieces of my heart that he just shattered completely.

"How dare you?" I shout with a new pain, "How dare you suggest that I would only use you? Why would I ever-... You know what even if it was fake you know what they want to do to me! They want to sell me for sex!"

"Yeah I know!"

"How could you even think that I could hurt you like that?"

"You are!" I'm speechless can he really believe that? "I'm done! I'm out!" He throws his hands up and sighs. My eyes can't be bigger and my heart can't be more broken.

* * *

_So this can only end well right? She can hold her own right? Well we'll see..._


	27. Chapter 27 My Pain

"No!" I shout pushing him back so he can't leave, "I'm not done! You believe I don't Love you? Really? I'm not that good Haymitch. I may be able to fool the Capitol but I could never fool you because even if you don't believe me I do love you! It's not just a show! I loved you before I even went of the tour!"

"Bull shit! I've seen you in action you are very persuasive but I can see right through it!"

"Through what? There is nothing to see through!"

"Your act!"

"It's not an act! I could never act like that to you! I don't care what you may have thought but it's true! You heard my father! He said that he thought I'd never even date a guy to piss everyone off! But I changed that for you!"

"Or maybe you just wanted to give everyone a good show!"

"No!" I shout feeling tears form in my eyes, I fight them off, "How could I hurt you? I love you!"

"No you love your freedom!"

"What freedom? I'm just as stuck as you Haymitch only worse because they can still do unspeakable things to my father!"

"Yeah well they did unspeakable things to me to!"

"Is this because of her?" I ask softer, "Does it have anything to do with her? Because I would never try to replace her. She is your first love-"

"Shut up!" He grabs my shoulders and shakes me. Note to self tred with caution.

"And that will never change!" I huff in anger, "But you're mine." I say softer "You are the first person that have ever loved and believe me I planned on you being the only one!"

He's silent, " I want to love you and in a world where the I could tell the Capitol to shove it and not have my father nearly beaten to death we would be madly, and endlessly in love... Or so I like to let myself think.

He's still painfully silent "I want to love you without fear!" I start to cry and he loosens his grip on my shoulders, "But in this damned hell we call a world I can't do that! I have to be afraid to love you and- and I'm afraid that if I don't do it 'well enough' to the Capitols standards I'll lose you and my father!

"I want more than anything to be free to love you but I don't have that choice!"

I gasp for a second gasping trying to keep my emotions intact, "But you do" I whisper taking a hammer and smashing my shattered heart, "You don't have to stay with me... and if you'll be happier without me in your life... Then I will gladly become a prostitute. I'll do it because I'm sure I will never find anyone that I will love as much as you.

Now I just shove him away, "I will give up! I will give in to them!" I shout and as he stares at me I make my way to the door, praying to god that he will stop me.

I open the door and hear him breath heavily. I slam the door behind me.

I gasp desperate for air my tears are drowning me in a vast ocean of emptiness and pain.

I can't bare it! I just can't my heart has been ripped straight from my chest and smashed into far too many pieces to count. If only he knew what I'm feeling.

I run to my own bedroom and sob. I don't dare move or try to speak.

How could he think that I would do such a thing how could I hurt him like that?

I contemplate this question for what must be hours. My tears are long gone but I still don't know. I've been call to dinner about eight times but I can't bring myself to go.

I just... I'm weak that's what I am. I'm weak and heartbroken!

I hear a knock at my door "Damn it Assandra I said I'm not coming!" I shout furiously.

I hear the door unlatch. I look up and very cautious footsteps enter.

"Haymitch wants to see you Noelle" Roxanne squeaks.

"Oh I'm sorry honey" I glide to her. I hold her as an apology and she takes my hand.

"Come on" She leads me out of my room and to Haymitch's. She knocks lightly on the door,

"Come in" His voice shakes. She opens the door and pushes me in.

I slowly close the door behind me terrified to see what awaits me.

I look over and see a drunk Haymitch. "Love..." He sighs unable to find words.

"What?" I ask rudely.

"I... You can't be mad at me..."

"Why Haymitch?" I ask calmly, "You certainly don't know me at all if you don't think this hurt me."

"I have good reason" He cups his hands to his face.

"Look at me" I say sitting on his bed next to him. "I said look at me" I say harshly.

He looks at my red face, "You see this? I've been crying! For god's sake Haymitch are you blind?!"

He sighs, "You know, I can't tell if you're mad at me or what. I don't like it! I just- why am I here?" I start to cry again, "You did this to me! You made me a pathetic... teenage girl who let her emotions get the better of her!"

He lifts his hand to wipe away one of my tears I slap it in retaliation, "You don't get to fix me! I have to learn how to fix myself!"

"You really..."

"Love you? I do and you... you're just..." He takes my hand and I try to wrangle it free. In my fight I sob harder and harder.

"Damn it!" I choke out and after the words are out he kisses me. His breath alone could knock me out with alcohol. I try to fight him off try to free myself but he crushes me to him.

I want him to stop it, I want to be angry, he killed me. He pulls away and I want to slap him. He again brings me sharply to him "No..." I whisper.

_"I'll be your candle on the water" _So Haymitch is clearly drunk and I'm too distraught to stop him from singing, _"__my love for you will always burn. I know you're lost and drifting, but the clouds are lifting. Don't give up, you have somewhere to turn._

"I'll be your candle on the water, 'till every wave is warm and bright. My soul is there beside you,  
let this candle guide you. Soon you'll see a golden stream of light.

"A cold and friendless tide has found you, don't let the stormy darkness pull you down. I'll paint a ray of hope around you, circling in the air, lighted by a prayer.

"I'll be your candle on the water, this flame inside of me will grow. Keep holding on, you'll make it, here's my hand so take it. Look for me, reaching out to show, as sure as rivers flow, I'll never let you go. I'll never let you go. I'll never let you go..."

He kisses the top of my head, "Why?" I whisper.

"Because I'm only human."

"And humans can only hurt one another?"

"We aren't very trusting... "

"So I'm the idiot?"

"No you're the one in a million that's blessed with a pure heart"

I still want to kick your ass! I think sourly. "but you've broken that... How can I-" I'm cut off by him kissing me again. I'm suffocating with his breath I want to not care. I want to melt into his passion but I just can't.

I push myself out of his grasp and onto the floor. I don't know if I should love him or be angry. Both sides are equally loud, and both are right.

"Everything I have said all of it is true. You're my first love..." I trail off trying to find the right words "I thought... You were my true love like in the stories... But I'm not sure that this is what you want"

Now as I see his face tears are pooling in his eyes. "I won't be selfish Haymitch. I won't do this!" I stand up to leave.

I reach the door and this time he whips me around smashing his lips onto mine. _"I'll never let you go." _He sings lightly once he pulls away. I close my eyes trying to find out what to do. He takes me in his arms and carries me to his bed.

"You're drunk" I finally say.

"Only because you're here" He whispers turning off the lights and forcing me to sleep with him. Literally he has me pinned to him. I can't decide if I'm mad or not. Should I just blame it on his drunken state?

I try several times to free myself but each time I fail... And after I give up entirely I cry myself to sleep.


	28. Chapter 28 I'll Never Let You Go

In the early morning I'm exhausted from a restless night. I get up and out of his arms with ease.

I walk through the train back to my room. I breathe deeply, I don't want to think anymore. It's just... too much far too much.

I shower and change. I leave my room and stumble upon Roxanne and Farris. "Hi" I smile lightly when I enter the sitting room area.

They smile at me, "So do you want to talk about-"

"No" They say in unison.

"There's no point" Roxanne shrugs.

Instead I watch them play with one another. They pull me into their game once or twice.

"Love?" I hear Haymitch open the door. "Can we talk?"

"Nope" I say and continue to play with the two. We've done to much of that"

"Well I feel we haven't done enough"

"Are you two in love?" Roxanne asks with wide eyes.

"Well I was... I don't know anymore"

"Love-"

"It's like a fairytale Farris!" I laugh at Roxanne.

"Are you going to try and make her fall in love with you?" Farris asks.

"With all I have." He smiles. I laugh at Roxanne as she sighs longingly.

"Love... Please" He holds out his hand to me. I sigh and reluctantly speak up.

"Not here."

"We can-"

"Everyone We're here!" Assandra sings out. All four of us are lead out and Haymitch and I are ushered to meet the other mentors.

Thank god I don't have to be alone with him right now.

I go around greeting new people trying to avoid talking to Haymitch.

I approach a small group of mentors where they are all seemingly calm. "Hello you must be the bright eyed doe from district twelve" One fifty year old woman steps forward, "I'm Mags from district four."

"Nice to meet you" I smile politely.

"Don't be offended by these loons silence, this is Beetee" the dazed thirty year old nods, "This drunken slob is Chaff of district eleven" She points at a very lazy unresponsive twenty year old, "And this is Seeder"

She points to a very pretty girl who's in her thirties.

"It's nice to meet all of you"

"Mags complains that she has to baby sit us." Seeder laughs, "But you'll get used to all of us. No one really is left out here. Because-"

"We all understand one another" I smile.

"Precisely."

"Noelle..." Chaff waves a finger at me, "You are not as pretty as Haymitch said you were" He is clearly drunk and it makes me laugh.

"Chaff!" Mags swats his arm.

"Excuse me mother dearest for telling the truth."

"Chaff what the hell are you doing?" A strong bold man comes up from behind me.

"Brutus go away huh?" Chaff turns and now I can see that he's missing his left arm from the elbow down.

"Hello Brutus" Mags rolls her eyes, " Have you met little miss Noelle?"

"Do I need to? Haymitch wouldn't shut up about her." He chuckles, "So this is the girl eh? Nice to meet you Noelle"

He shakes my hand and pats me on the back. "Oh Sernum and Forney want to meet you. Excuse us."

He leads me over to two very strong tall men from district one and four, "Hi!" I wave as I reach them.

"Hello Noelle, I'm Forney"

"I'm Sernum"

"Pleased to meet you"

"Damn you are innocent" Sernum laughs.

"What?"

"Haymitch said you were wide eyed and you sure are a youngster." Forney shakes his head at Sernum. "So where is lover boy?"

"Oh there he is" Brutus says pointing off into one direction so immediately I find a new person to talk to.

"Hello" a very pretty dark skinned woman smiles, "I'm Jewel from district one"

"I'm Noelle"

"Oh I know who you are darling" She pats my shoulder.

"Oh yes of course you saw my games."

"Well yes and Haymitch certainly-"

"Oh yes my mentor" I try to edge her off the topic.

"Excuse me?"

"Haymitch my old mentor."

"Oh but isn't he-"

"So what is it like living in district one?"

"Sensitive much about your boyfriend?"

I sigh, "I'm not sure that's what he is to me anymore..." I say reluctantly.

"Oh... I'm sorry"

"It's fine... Really" I move away from Jewel and wander through weaving in and out of conversations.

I feel Haymitch grab for my hand, "Love-"

"Don't! I- I don't want to cry here Haymitch" Everyone is silent.

"Love I'm sorry"

"Haymitch I told you I loved you. I said it and meant every last bit of it. You told me that you thought I was lying. You let me leave and... and then you let me cry for hours and hours until you get little Roxanne to get me.

"And what do I find? You're drunk and you hold me against my will in your room. Haymitch I'm sorry, but I don't know what's real anymore" I can't feel anymore. I turn swiftly but he grabs my hand.

"I'm real Love" He turns me to him, "You're real and this-"

"Was! It was!"

"It can be again" I'm stuck again his arms wrapped firmly around me.

"Please you killed me once! Once is enough for me." Damn him why is he so strong! "You told me to take a hike I got the message loud and clear! Why won't you let me do what you asked? What changed?" I struggle to free myself.

"That's enough kids! Play time is over!" Mags comes over and Brutus and Forney free me from his grip.

Mags puts an arm around me and leads me away.

The Chariots is painfully awkward sitting next to Haymitch is very unnerving. And I'm thankful that I don't have to be alone with him.

I'm alone of course until the Games begin and I'm forced into a viewing area with all the other mentors. There I have to sit and watch the blood bath which killed our two tributes.

Watching little Roxanne and Farris killed so quickly is a blessing for them. They would never survive.

The games are painful to watch, a girl the victor in fact Remenda I believe is her name tears a boys intestines from his body long after he's dead.

Since it takes so long for the tribute to recover they apparently take all victors for an interview. This is not required for all the districts to watch.

I guess that's why I never knew about it.

Lucky me I'm first to be pestered I mean interviewed.

I get on the stage and Caesar doesn't waste any time. He asks me about my free time and we play off it for a while until, "So Noelle how's your romantic life?"

"... I really wish you hadn't asked that question." I tense up realizing that I have spoken my exact thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"... Well we're in a rough patch right now. I don't know if we'll ever fix it" I'm pained to say what I am saying.

"Well I'm sorry Noelle who is the fella?"

"Well-"

"Damn it Love!" I hear Haymitch shout from off stage.

"Haymitch! You know how I feel about this!" Oh great here we go! On live television... but maybe that's the point.

He comes out on stage. "I told you-"

"I know what you said Haymitch but you've hardly heard a word I've said! I love you " The crowd gasps, "I loved you! I still do! I wanted you to be my prince charming and I hate it because you don't love me!"  
I cry out so all the world can hear the anger that cripples my heart.

"I do Love you! And you know that! Now I've heard you speak and now you'll listen to me!" I step back "I was scared!"

"Scared enough to tell me to get lost?" I ask softer now.

"Scared enough to make the biggest mistake I could ever make" He steps closer to me. The crowd has suddenly disappeared. It's just me and him "I-... I was wrong to assume what I did. I was wrong to say those things and it had nothing to do with her.

"It was never a question, I love you. I want to be your prince Love. I want... I want to be your strength. Though god knows you don't need it.

"I would never live with myself if they did those things to you" He steps closer still. "I love you"

"But you said all those awful things to me... You broke me beyond repair you killed me with one blow. You changed me, you changed my point of view. In one quick blow you shattered my world along with my heart and probably my sanity."

"Do you remember what you said to me? Your final argument?"

I look down at my feet as I feel his hand on my shoulder, " You said she was my first love and that could never be taken from me. But that I was your first-"

"You are the first person that I have ever loved and believe me I planned on you being the only one" I quote myself feeling a tear stream down my face.

"I want to give that to you" He is cautious reaching for my hand, " I want to be your only one... If of course you'd let me"

"Why do you have to make it so damned hard for me to say no?"

"Because I don't want you to." He laughs, and I can't help but laugh too. "Please?" He asks wiping my tear away I smile at him and nod jumping into his arms.

I let him hold me, I let him fix me. I let him yet again change my point of view, I fall right back in love with him.

In that one moment he's fixed me for good. He somehow found all the pieces he broke and put it back together like a puzzle he knew by heart.

He spins me and I never want to let go of his neck. Suddenly we are brought back into reality when Caesar speaks up, "Wow! What a show!" I suddenly feel a tad bit deaf from the screams the crowd has given.

I pull my face from Haymitch's neck and look into his eyes.

Oh his kind loving grey eyes. His smile alone could make me swoon, he's human to me now. But he's as perfect as any human could ever be.

He puts his forehead to mine but it's not enough for me. I kiss him allowing love to take control of me, my heart beats strong and sure.

The crowd screams more at our kiss, but I don't care what they think. I wouldn't care if they were booing at us.

My lips even feel excitement as they dance against his. We pull away reluctantly but never failing to see the love that is present for the both of us.

His smile the gleam in his eyes, they all scream joy and I only hope that mine return the gaze with equal love and excitement.

I'm seriously considering if this is the right choice to let him love me again to love him more than words could ever express. But with him here I don't feel the least bit alone or scared. In his arms I'm safe just so long as he'll never let me go.

* * *

_Did I go over board with the romance and such? Oh I don't care I love it all the same._


	29. Chapter 29 Touch

By the time we are finally able to grasp the reality finally able to come back to the real world, Caesar is trying to usher us to the couch for an interview.

Haymitch finally lets me on my feet but I cling to him still dazed by what has just unfolded.

We sit down and the crowd still hasn't calmed they are still wild with excitement. I'm still trying to gain my breath find out what has just occurred and make sense of it.

I guess the truth is nothing will ever make sense in my life.

"Wow, so Noelle what are your thoughts?" My mouth is open and I for once can't find words. "That's how all of us feel I'm sure" Caesar laughs. "So this is the lucky lady Haymitch?" He nods just as speechless as I am. "What is it that happened to you?"

We are both silent, he asks a few more questions but we can't speak I'm blown away by him and he is by me.

I'm sure we both look crazed but we haven't kissed like that... Ever. "Are you both alright?" He laughs at us.

"Well" I speak up finally, "I never thought I would be again but... Well it seems he's changed all that." I laugh a little put my face in his chest. I feel him kiss my head and I can't be happier.

"We're going to move right along folks. Thank you for that stunning display!" Caesar smiles warmly,

"Good bye" I stand up swiftly and almost bolt off stage with Haymitch in tow.

Once we are finally on the train back I speak up. "True?"

"Excuse me?"

"What you said... Was it the truth or was it a show?" He laughs at me before taking my hand.

"True" He whispers kissing my forehead.

"Good because then I was going to have to kick your ass." I smile at him.

"I'd love to see you try."

"I didn't say I'd win!" I smile.

We get back home and all that's ever on the news is the newest tribute and us. We've made quite a show for ourselves, and it will be fairly easy to keep up.

He's not afraid to take me around the town or even the seam. He shows me where his old house is. It's now the home for a new family, but I take him away as soon as I'm able.

One day I showed him the river the one where my father found me. We venture through town and we know that we are headline news for the Capitol.

The Capitol loves us and we are close to the only thing ever on television. They can't wait to see us in a few days when we go to the victors ball.

Haymitch has adjusted to living with me now and we are actually busy cooking when I hear the television turn on.

"I'll be back" I sigh rolling my eyes. The Capitol does this to us frequently.

I step in my living room and see an intro to a segment on Caesar's talks show. You guessed it it's entirely about us but not just us as a whole one part of us, **Wedding Watch **is flashing on my screen and I could just about vomit.

The capitol wants a wedding. As soon as I turn off the television the phone rings.

"Hello?" I question. No one ever calls me well no one except-

"Hello Miss. Garner it's President Snow"

"What do you want?" I ask locking the door so Haymitch doesn't barge in to listen.

"You see Miss. Garner that display will be a rather tough act to follow. It was a good show don't get me wrong congratulations should be given, but I must wonder what next?"

I clear my throat, "why wonder about the future when the present has yet to be fully laid out?"

"Health Miss. Garner, welfare... Hope"

"I believe we are on two entirely different pages sir"

"Now Miss. Garner I know you're not stupid. I know that you understand fully what I want you to do."

"It is not in my hands sir" I hear Haymitch knocking at the door, "It is not your place to choreograph my life"

"That's where you're wrong Miss. Garner. I choreograph the world" I stiffen at his words.

"This conversation is over-"

"We wouldn't want another Roxanne incident would we?"

"You-" I gasp at the realization, "H-how could you?" I stutter.

"Think about it Miss. Garner" He hangs up the phone and I stand shocked.

I follow my first instinct to throw the phone at the wall.

"Love! You okay?" Haymitch shouts through the door.

"Not in the least!" I shout nearing the door. When I open it I'm fully freaking the fuck out.

"What happened?" Haymitch asks taking me into his arms.

"Snow... H-he threw Roxanne into the arena to hurt me... He killed her so I could give him a show." I start gasping and trembling. "He killed a little girl" I cover my mouth in an attempt to stop my hysterics.

"Shh It's okay Love. It's okay" Haymitch sooths me trying to make me feel better. "We gave him the best show we could."

"He congratulated us" I almost laugh at the thought.

"Well we did damned good..." He smiles as my breath settles. "Come on Love" He leads me out of the living room and up to bed.

Snow wants us to get married? Is he nuts? We've only been dating a year and a half.

I've never taken marriage seriously and never thought I would ever be married.

Frankly it scared me the thought forced me to not sleep. I get up and walk to the bathroom careful not to wake Haymitch.

I don't know why it scared me. Losing my freedom maybe, maybe it was the thought of change.

But really what would change? And if he even tried to take my freedom I'd slap the crap out of him.

Not now I'm not ready for marriage not so soon... But how long can we keep the Capitol occupied?

That's when I hear him scream. He screams bloody murder and I don't think I do.

I run into the room and lay my hand on his heaving chest.

His face is contorted in anger and he seems to be fighting something off. I'm impressed that he's not woken himself.

"Haymitch it's only a dream" I say as calmly as I'm able. He thrashes under my hand punching me but I hardly flinch, "Shh it's alright you're safe it's over I'm here" Those last words settle him a tad, "I'm here now" I say softer and it calms him more.

"I'm here and I always will be" I say finally quieting him and his breath settles. I sigh relief and climb back into bed next to him.

In the morning I wake up first but stay in his arms until he wakes up. My thoughts drift back to Snow, I can't get married yet I just can't do it.

Marriage inevitably means children. And children meant another generation to see the games destroy children's lives.

But wait a minute having children also means returning home. Which I'm not ready for either. The whole thought of getting married is not for two teenagers and that's that!

"Love?" Haymitch mumbles.

"Hm?" I look up at him.

"What's today?" he ask trying to rouse himself.

"It's... Shit!" I spring out of bed and down the stairs of my home. Today we're leaving for the Capitol and just as I reach the front door there is a knock.

"Oh Assandra! I-"

"Oh dear it seems that we are in a terrible situation! Haymitch is missing!"

"Oh Assandra he's up stairs" I laugh at her.

"What? Why on earth would he be there?"

"Because we live together" I say in a questioning tone.

"I didn't realize that you two would-" She coughs and My face turns red with embarrassment.

"Oh no we haven't-"

"It's fine dear you're teenagers I understand things happen"

"But we-"

"Haymitch we don't want to be late!" She says shrilly.

"I'll just go and change" I sigh in defeat right as I make my way upstairs Haymitch runs down buttoning his shirt. That certainly doesn't help convince Assandra that we have not had sex.

I quickly make myself presentable and Assandra ushers us out to a car parked right outside.

We make it on the train and Haymitch and I are able to squirm away from Assandra's prying eye.

"Well that could have gone worse" I sigh.

"What do you mean?"

"Assandra thinks we're sleeping together." Haymitch lets out a cackle that I seldom heard.

"Oh that's a good one Assandra" He sighs. We get to sit in silence for longer than I would like to admit.

Sitting next to him not saying anything letting him hold me... It was nice.

* * *

_It's coming along nicely if I do say so myself. I think that the next chapter will be a montoge! Hoorah!_


	30. Chapter 30 Once

Arriving in the Capitol is the hard part of this trip. People are barely held back behind security. I nearly go deaf with their shouts. For god's sake they even throw things at us!

We finally reach the hotel and I'm so close to ripping some ones throat out.

"That went well" Haymitch smiles.

"Are you serious?"

"It's been worse."

"Oh dear god." That's all I get to say before we are usher to separate prep rooms. I prepare myself for whatever Avedis might bring me. By that of course I mean I prepare for a slutty 'formal' dress.

They wrap my hair around itself multiple times strategically making it appear shorter.

When Avedis enters he surprisingly seems to have mellowed out. His teeth are white now, and his purple tinted hair is graying.

He isn't wear much make up ether. I almost don't recognize him.

He kisses my cheeks, "How's my little love bird?" Oh so he hasn't changed.

"Very good."

"Excellent. Are you ready?" I nod my head.

He reveals a large green ball gown, it has a feathered skirt that reminds me of evergreen trees. The bodice is tight and lightly embroidered. It fits easily and I notice it sparkles, when it does it looks as if there is snow on it.

I am graciously given small heeled shoes and a shawl.

"Perfect" I sigh looking at myself.

"Is she ready?" Assandra squeals.

"Yes" He replies opening the door escorting me to the sitting room where Haymitch is dressed up. He is in a tux and has a green tie that matches my dress.

"Alright let's go!" Assandra almost shoves us into the elevator and down to the lobby.

The car ride over to the ball is boring.

When we arrive, being from district twelve, we are the last ones to arrive.

And that means being pestered incessantly by reporters all of whom I manage to successfully avoid.

We make it into the large ball room and my god it's huge for just the forty five of us.

I'm told that the first six Victors are all too old or sick to attend. Upon our entrance we separate to greet the others.

"Jewel!" I smile as I reach my friend she is quite stunning tonight wearing a gold dress.

"Noelle it's good to see you. " She pulls me into a hug.

"Hello Isabel" I hug the girl from district two tightly. She and a few others were very social during the games I might even go as far as to say we're friends.

"Penelope" I hug her as well. Penelope is the cutest Victor I have ever met. Her father won the fifth hunger games he's dead now but she was thrown in when she was only twelve. First twelve year old to come out alive.

"Kari" I lean over to the strong girl from four. I meet up with Forney and Sernum, I see Chaff Brutus and Mags. The night is calm.

I enjoy have Haymitch by my side never having to be alone is something no one else understands.

* * *

The interview goes well in the sense that I don't yearn to kill anyone by the end of it. A proposal wasn't even in question.

I go home, I live life, I love the man with everything I have.

I watch two more children fight to the death on television.

"We can't fight for them" Haymitch whispers the day after the blood bath.

"I would be very surprised if you would volunteer to do that again." I sigh sitting on the edge of a bed in the resting room.

"Same" He laughs at me. Pulling his shirt off to change. "But if we could"

"We'd be pretty bad ass" I smile and shake my head "God I hope that boy from three makes it. He's got his whole family at home that he has to take care of."

"They all do. They always do" He sits down next to me and entwines himself with me.

"I know" I sigh, "Let's just hope as usual. That the games will be quick"

"May the odds be in your favor" He laughs.

"They were once"

"And for the Capitol"

"That's one time too many" We quote one another as we do every year. Before falling asleep in our position.

The boy didn't win, and the games were a painful two weeks long. The only upside to this is getting to talk to the other mentors. As we quote on quote 'anxiously await the exciting games'

We never move on though each tribute each death, even those from other districts, haunt us. We never forget a face we never forget _them_. If we don't remember... Who will?

Who will take the time out of their precious day to remember the fallen tributes? Who will remember the little ones who only had one slip? Who will miss those who had hundreds of slips to feed their families?

Who will pity the children who saw the cruelness of the world? Who will feel sorrow for their down falls? Who will keep their memory in a good heart?

We will, and I fear that we are the only ones.

* * *

I feel like I am just trudging through. I don't have a job and therefore have no ambition. I have Haymitch and the other mentors but we live worlds away and phone calls can only do so much.

I don't have anything. I'm eighteen now I should be graduating school and getting work.

I can't talk to my friends like I used to. They all work and families, they have to scrounge for money and food. They have to fight to live, to keep their families alive.

What do I do? I dance and sing and talk to Haymitch and call up friends from other districts. But I'm bored day in and day out. I'm so well off and yet I'm missing something.

I feel like my life has yet to begin and yet it was over when I was reaped.

I go to the Capitol and eat the finest foods known to man! I travel, I don't have a care in the world and I have to watch children die every year. Some life, some life for anyone.

I don't have it as bad as other do. People like Haymitch normally turn to alternate solutions to get through the day. Haymitch still cries some times in memory of the people he let die.

We have made a hell for ourselves by living! Simply living is a sin and now we are being punished for it. Surviving the games makes us sick bastards that are unafraid to kill for life.

Some days I just wish I had died in the games, because now I know hell.

Hell comes once a year and it last for almost a month. The Reapings, the prep, the games, the interviews I can't stand it! And when the newest victor joins us we welcome them to our hell where at least you know you're not alone.

Six years I go through the agonizing torture of watching 23 children die in despicable inhuman ways. I have seen 161 children die behind a screen. I stand there watching gore spilled over once innocent clean land.

I'm unable to do anything, but Haymitch never fails me,

"Let's just hope as usual. That the Games will be quick"

"May the odds be ever in your favor"

"They were once"

"And for the Capitol it's one too many." Some times when it gets really bad we drink but it hardly helps me, I do it for him.

We manage through together somehow and I don't know how He brings me to the best day of my life.

"What the hell did you do?" I ask laughing finally putting the fire from his cooking out.

"I- well- um... I can't cook" He laughs.

"Well that was obvious" I laugh kissing his cheek. "Why don't we make salad or something that doesn't require ovens?"

"That seems safer" We make sandwiches and he takes me out onto the balcony and we eat watching the stars slowly reveal themselves.

"Has it really only been seven years?" I ask in a daze realizing that it's our anniversary.

"Feels like sixty right?"

"Feels like four life times lived over"

"It's not as bad as it used to be. Being the only victor it... was daunting the fears I had never left pain always present. But then you kissed me on this balcony.

"And everything changed. They used to call you the brightest light of district twelve, and well you've faded"

"That's what killing children does to you" I sigh sadly looking to the stars.

"But you could be bright again, I know it. I plan to get you their"

"How? We are broken and misshapen pawns in the Capitols cruel world."

"We can be broken together, and maybe just maybe find the pieces together." He pulls a ring out of his pocket, "Maybe we can take the pieces and make something beautiful"

I Gasp and can't gather my emotions quick enough. He knows my answer slipping the ring on me.

"The ring is from Snow isn't it?"

"Yes" He whispers, "He gave it to me five years ago. I brought it to the blacksmith though and had him inscribe something on to it."

_What will survive of us is love_ is written on the band. "I can understand if you don't want to wear it but I want to know if you still say yes"

"I would say yes if I were being shot for it." I whisper letting him take me in his arms.

I gracefully lead him inside our home and into bed. We lay down and I read the inscription over and over.

"Haymitch?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to piss off the Capitol?"

* * *

_I don't like her depressed... What's she gonna do? Well I'll tell you in the next chapter which pinky promise will be up tomorrow!_


	31. Chapter 31 Three Weeks

Three weeks... That's all it took. Three weeks for me to fall for him. Three weeks without him was all I needed to kill me. Three weeks to take him back. Three weeks to plan our wedding.

Our wedding the words made my brain malfunction making my squeal with delight. Today On the sixteenth of July I'm marrying the only man I have ever loved.

I slip on a short white dress that doesn't resemble a wedding dress at all. It's plain and perfect, I get down the stairs and see my father and selected friends sitting in my living room.

Ruthie, Laurel, Ralph, and Genevieve. They turn to see me and I smile, "Thank you for coming" They stand up and hug me tightly.

No one says anything they are all going to wait here until we are actually married. "Ralph is it hard?"

"It's scary at first I'm not going to lie" He says looking at Laurel, "But when you have the one person you can't live without well... It makes it all worth it." He kisses her and I take a deep breath.

"Thank you" I smile.

"You ready Love?" Haymitch asks coming down the stairs in a nice shirt and tie.

"Very" I take his and allowing him to lead me out the door and through the streets of twelve. My face flushes every time someone knowingly looks in our direction.

We head straight for the mayors house slipping our way through the streets carefully hiding my ring from the Peace keepers.

We reach the large house and we are graciously welcomed by the servant there, who leads us to the mayor's office.

"Hello" His smile is genuine, " shall we get started?"

"Yes" I smile back squeezing Haymitch's hand.

"They let's begin" He pulls out the marriage certificate and we sign it with shaky but sure hands. "Do you promise to take good care of one another?"

"Yes" I say "Forever"

He nods his agreement smiling back at me.

"Congratulations you are now married" I sigh with contempt we are married. I'm Mrs. Abernathy holy fuck I'm married at twenty-four I'm married.

I'm frozen in this moment of realization. He leads me home and I'm thankful I don't have to think about moving.

We are married and I'm happy about being married. Two things I never thought I'd be.

We get home and the five people their congratulate us endlessly with genuine happiness and excitement.

I sit everyone down for dinner. I look up to Laurel with knowing eyes and she just shakes her head.

"You said you'd tell him today!" I laugh and now everyone looks at me strangely.

"Here?"

"Who cares if it's here?"

"It's your wedding day!"

"What's your point exactly?"

"What are you to going on about?" Ralph laughs at our playful argument.

"Laurel has something to tell you!"

"That can wait until we get home"

"Laurel!" I laugh.

"Fine!" She gives in smiling lightly, "Ralph... I'm pregnant"

The house erupts with cheers for the two and I smile broadly at her, "See was that so hard?"

"Oh yes I could just die!" She rolls her eyes playfully.

We finish our meal and our guests leave. I take and deep breath and Haymitch looks at me with a simple peaceful expression.

"Come on" I smile taking his hand I grab a loaf of bread we bought specially for the occasion."Wait!" I say before turning the oven on.

"What?" He ask placing his hands on my hips.

"Come on" I lead him into the living room and start a fire in the fireplace.

He laughs slightly amused and turns off all the lights in the house.

When the fire is large enough I place the bread in with a pair of tongs. Flipping it periodically making sure to char it slightly.

When I finally pull it out Haymitch takes it with his bare hands tearing it in half. Handing me part, We eat it slowly my eyes never leave his and when it's gone I feel a warmth growing inside me.

I don't hesitate to sit on his lap and his hands fall to my lower back as I kiss him. I kiss him with a fire I have never felt before. I want this I want him.

"Wait" he pulls back "It's 11:50"

"And?"

"Your favorite time of day is midnight"

"You remember that?" I ask in awe and he is clearly proud to remember. "Since we have ten minutes I'm glad my first time will be with you"

"Thank you" He smiles, "Good to know"

"Did you ever...With?"

"Yes once... The night before reaping"

"Did I completely miss the memo to have sex with the person you love before you get reaped?" I laugh.

"Yes... Yes you did" He kisses my cheek. "but this is the easy part."

"I sure as hell hope so"

He pulls me closer to him, "Three minutes"

"I don't know if I can wait that long" I laugh kissing him again allowing his hands to roam freely on my back.

"Two minutes" He breathes pulling back into my kiss, as I undo his tie. "One minute" He pulls away again before kissing me unzipping my dress.

Before I can stop myself he's shirtless and I'm only in my under garments. I feel his body against mine, our breath becomes synchronized. A love that I never thought existed in the world comes to my heart opens it to him as I give myself to him.

I give him my innocence, my purity, he now owns everything of me.

Three weeks was all it took for me to fall in love with him. Three weeks without his warmth without his love killed me. Three weeks of begging until I took him back.

Three perfect weeks to plan our wedding, not the Capitol extravaganza we were sure to have, but our wedding that bound us as one. And now if history chooses to repeat itself three weeks to make a baby.


	32. Chapter 32 Screwed

Five months later Haymitch and I are preparing to tell the world about our engagement. The Ball was wonderful all the girls were gushing over the ring but to be honest I loved the approval I got from Forney and Sernum. They were like my older brothers.

The new girl Cecilia became a fast friend of mine after I found out that she got married the moment she got home.

We could walk in the same path of being newly married. I was now standing in the wings for the interview stage.

Caesar introduces me and I slip my ring onto my index finger. As Haymitch suggested, I'm somehow able to talk long enough and with enough interest to keep Caesar away from engagement.

Finally My time is up and it's time to give a good show. "So Noelle do you have any last words?"

"Well not really words, but" I cover my hand and slip the ring onto my ring finger. I hold up my hand as everyone goes insane.

Even Caesar is speechless, I laugh with an almost giddy tone. I stand up to leave but Caesar gets in my way and sits me back down.

"Oh wow!" He applauds with the rest of the crowd before continuing.

"Would you like to see it?" I hold my hand out to him allowing observation.

"It sure is a beauty. Why don't we get Haymitch out here?!" Haymitch unwillingly meets me on stage. The rest of the hour is spent with questions such as, So how did you propose? What made you realize she was the one? And an assortment of other silly frivolous things.

But one question catches me off guard but it's not Caesar who asks us. We aren't even on stage.

"Mind if I join you all?" We look over and a very uppity man steps up to Haymitch and I at the train station.

"Excuse me?" I question.

"The President has requested that all of the victors attend your engagement party."

"Engagement party?" Haymitch asks lightly.

"Yes please follow me." I give him an unnecessary scowl as we are usher right back to our hotel where my prep team anxiously awaits me.

They all hug me in excitement before giving me a full on makeover.

The pull my skin and pull my hair into a side hair style and make it so thickly woven and designed to reach my hip. The give me heavy eye makeup, heavy lipstick, and bright cheeks.

I look like a doll and a very scary one at that. Avedis comes in and takes a bit off before crying.

"I'm sorry honey it's just... I can't wait to make you a wedding dress! It will be the highlight of my career!" He slides me into a light orange silk dress and doesn't give me any jewelry. He claims that the ring should stand out before anything else.

He leads me out to the car taking Haymitch Chaff and a few others to Snows home.

Everyone else seems to be just as happy to be here another whole day. We reach the very large mansion that seems to be the center of the Capitol.

Walking inside is a hassle considering every person who owns a camera or something to sign is lined up in the streets.

Upon entering the house I begin to wonder why the hell I'm even here. Highly ranked Capitol citizens are there fawning over us until President Snow pulls me aside.

"Congratulations to you. I expected a quicker engagement of course but what's done is done." He stops to shake some ones hand before continuing. "Preparations will begin immediately. If I may be so bold I will insist that you wed here in the Capitol."

I shake my head and smile, "Whatever pleases you sir, I have the man I love" I already had my perfect wedding is what I really want to say.

"Exactly what I want to hear." He stops to greet another guest before continuing, "I must insist then that you stay here in the Capitol to plan for the wedding."

"Oh I couldn't just-"

"It will only be a few months Miss. Garner. Think about the passion you will share with your husband when he finally sees you again."

So this is his plan, separate us for a few months until we are 'married' so we can go at each other. He wants a baby and he wanted it yesterday.

"If that's what you insist, excuse me for a second." I take off through the crowd until I find Cecilia she takes my hand and sooths me. I lead her to the privet bathroom as we talk.

"I don't understand why this is affecting you so much." She says rather sourly, "You guys went seven years without sex, what's a few months going to hurt?"

"It's not that. It's the fact that he wants me to have a baby. It's my body after all"

"Don't make having children sound so bad."

"It's not it's just... I don't know!" I sit down and breathe deeply."A baby is something that I want Haymitch and I to decide on. Like we did with our wedding."

"I know, but no matter what it is your body. It is Haymitch and your decision to have a baby. Like me and my husband decided..." She trails off and absent mindedly rubs her flat stomach.

"Oh my god already?" I ask unsure whether I should be elated or worried.

"It's not like we planned it but he wanted it and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it." she looks down sadly.

"Do they know?"

"Nope! And they won't until I talk about him next year."

"Krista is going instead?"

"It's her last year mentoring she decided that already but she also wants me to be stress free for now."

"... I'll plan a fall wedding then." I smile at her, "It's not a wedding it's for them. I already had the perfect wedding I wanted."

"Just remember that. This is for them, he already knows you love him more than anything."

"... Him?" I ask laughing a bit.

"Yes him! I want a little boy! I raised my little sister I want to try my hand at a little boy." We laugh a little.

"You'll make a good mom Cici."

"Yeah... You'll make a beautiful bride" She smiles. I hug her tightly, she really is my closest friend now.

Ruthie and Laurel are next though, they have stood by me.

I leave Cecilia and make my way to Haymitch and explain the situation to him. "So I won't see my lovely bride for a few months. Just knowing I get to see you will make me feel like a child waiting for a birthday."

"You sure?" He kisses me in response.

I take it gladly and the rest of the night I spend with him by my side. That night the last night we will spend together for a long time we share ourselves.

The next morning he leaves and I get to start hell I mean wedding planning.

I'm driven to President Snows home. Strange the President has all the time in the world to plan my wedding and yet several districts are starving.

I'm greeted by an overly excited young woman who I am informed is my wedding planner. Fan-freaking-tastic.

"Oh hello Miss. Garner I am Geaora Contay." Well I don't think I'll be calling her by name time for a nick name! How about Ge that works.

"So where do you want to start?" I ask wanting to just get it over with and never have to speak with this vibrantly blue woman ever again.

"Oh dates! Dates are the most important-"

"I'd like a fall wedding" I interrupt her before she goes into a long speech about dates. "Fall is my favorite season back home. Maybe November?"

"Oh there is a beautiful place right here in the Capitol I'm taking you to, that you will just adore! Let me see" She opens a colorful book, "There's an opening on the seventeenth of November!"

"Perfect"

"Oh it's the most beautiful mansion in the Capitol next to this one of course." She starts going on about how only the most prestigious people have any form of an event there. She jots down notes in a black note book.

I pick up one of the books that has fabrics in it.

"Oh yes color schemes!" She hurries to my side to look at the palette I have picked up. I like the midnight blue one and I tell her so. She jots down the color and pushes a gold to complement the blue. Since she won't shut up about it I let her jot that down to . I peruse the assorted variety of wedding books.

"Oh come now dearie! We have an appointment at two, which we need to finish by three thirty if we don't want to be late for your fitting and your scheduled to meet with your travel agent at six then dinner at seven thirty with Caesar"

I take a note book and pen as I'm ushered to a car where Ge won't shut up I block her out and star writing a letter to Haymitch out of sheer boredom.

_Hey I hope you're have just as much fun as I am! I can't tell whether or not you'll like the wedding. Probably not because it's the Capitols doing but I hope you can try because I'm getting dragged around through the city for it._

_I'm not sure if I'll ever give this to you but it means the world to me how calm you are especially when I'm never calm at all. This is for them but one thing isn't, how much I love you that is for me and you to share._

"We're here!" Ge drags me out of the car and through a large ballroom where the reception will be held. Our guide seems to like his job way too much and no matter how large the space is I feel crowded and like I'm being pushed to make decisions.

"It's lovely" I finally manage to get a word into the guide when Ge finally shuts her trap.

"We'll discuss decorum at a later date" Ge cuts in "but we must hurry so many things to do to plan the biggest wedding of the century!" She whisks me back into the car and tells the driver where to go.

I pull my note book out and continue my letter.

_You wouldn't believe what I'm going through right now. They are too happy, to talkative, and too colorful! These people want to parade me around as some little toy then I'll let them just as long as I know that I have you to look forward to. I love you._

We reach our destination and she drags me right into a designer workshop that Avedis owns. I step inside and he runs to greet me.

"Hello Honey" He kisses my cheeks and takes my hand, "I want it to be a surprise" He looks straight at Ge and she takes a seat. It was almost as if she were his dog and he commanded her to sit.

He leads me through his work room and begins to show sketches of certain dresses. Some look like they'll eat me alive, some look more like negligee, while others look like drapes.

"These are the ones people from the Capitol want to see you in." He sighs taking them down off the large cork wall placing them in a pile. Oh thank god he didn't design these.

"I'm going to have these" He pointed to my top three, "Made but this" He pulls out a blank picture "Will have your real dress on it. One that I have always seen you in."

He takes out tape measure and takes my measurements quickly before letting me leave.

I trust his judgment I just hope he knows me well enough now.

I reach a very eccentric office building where I meet a woman... Um man... Well a gender confused person who has female attributes but is named Colton.

"Are you ready to plan the honey moon?" He lays out brochures for several hotels in the Capitol.

"I'm sorry the what?"

"The honey moon dear." Ge laughs,

"What's that exactly?"

"Oh it's a vacation that you and your new husband take before starting your lives together." That is the single most idiotic idea I might have ever heard.

No one in twelve does anything like that but then again where would they go?

"Oh um-"

"Where do you think would be best?" Ge asks going on about the amazing features each place has and at random I pick one saying it appeals to me most. Ge gushes over it the whole way to dinner.

I get to dinner with Caesar and to my surprise the President is there to greet me.

"I just wanted to make sure my love bird is doing alright with the wedding planning." He says as I sit next across from him and next to Caesar.

It doesn't surprise me at all that Caesar is just as charming in real life.

The President however brings my world to a shrieking halt, "Caesar don't you think that they are just a beautiful couple?"

"They are if I've very seen one sir"

"Won't their children be just adorable?"

I turn scarlet and my skin sears with anxiety, "They most certainly will."

"Well children are a bit far off we have to get married first after all." I cut in akwardly.

"Nonsense!" Snow cackles, "You two are far too in love I can guarantee you will have a baby on the way by the time you are back from your honey moon" It's not a statement it's an order. But baby's take time and I'm not having a baby until I'm sure I'm ready.

"Well yes but I think the wedding takes first priority" I try to edge them away from a baby, "Besides we have never even talked about having a baby before."

"Well some time things come as a surprise." Snow says that being the final word on the argument.

My final thoughts on the matter? Well I'm screwed!

* * *

_I'm just going to have a series of notes that she writes to him for the next chapter so we can get to the wedding!_


	33. Chapter 33 Letters of a Love Sick Bride

_It's been one hell of a day I picked flowers... I nearly ripped my own ears off because our stupid wedding planner wouldn't shut up. I don't understand why they are using these flowers just for one day and then throwing them away. _

_I guess I'll never understand them the wedding is still six months away and Snow won't drop the subject of kids. I don't even know if you want kids._

_I guess I should just write how I feel then. I would love to have your baby Haymitch. I really do want a little one to call our own but what scares me is the world we would bring him or her into._

_Why would we bring an innocent creature into this world? This world is hell, but I don't doubt that you would make a great dad. _

_I don't know about you but I don't want to teach our children how to kill. ~Noelle_

* * *

_I'm starting to wonder why I'm even here in the first place. I don't understand why they are so adamant that I stay here longer and longer._

_Last night they had me try on countless dresses in front of a whole audience. I don't want to be here anymore I'm going insane!_

_Caesar tries to get me to talk about you but I want to kill everyone in the Capitol. Don't even get me started on Snow I'm almost positive he's spiking my drinks with fertility treatments! The way he talks about me becoming a mother is like he's so close to invading my uterus and putting a baby in there!_

_I hate it here I want this stupid wedding to be over so I can go home! I miss you and Daddy and Ruthie and Laurel and Ralph. I can't wait to see you again. ~Love_

* * *

_Thank you so much for calling me today I'm so excite for Ralph and Laurel! Their little girl sounds so adorable! Little Katniss Everdeen it's a perfect fit!_

_I can't wait to meet her when I get back. As always I love you Haymitch, every damned day that I'm in this prison I think about you. ~Love_

* * *

_With two months to go Cici called to tell me she had a little boy just like she wanted. Little Leroy apparently he looks just like his papa. She's so cute she wants to bring him to the ceremony and everything._

_Every day passes slowly, my days are now filled with cake designs, bridesmaids dresses, and seating arrangements when I really don't give a damn about any of it. _

_I just want to see you again I don't care which seats have gold sashes and which have blue! I don't!_

_I want you to kiss me again I want to squeeze your hand just to know that your real. I miss you more than you may ever know. ~Noelle_

* * *

_Thirty days in counting until I see you again I'm elated at the thought. I miss you, and sure it will be another week before I go home but really... Home is where you are and right now home can't be farther away. ~Love_

* * *

_Twenty one days and I can feel your touch, I can see your glimmering grey eyes. I can't wait for the world to see what they want, each day I grow excited because I know I'll see you soon. But you know what today marks right?_

_Three weeks, three weeks until I get to see your beautiful face again. Three weeks until you can hold me. Three weeks until I can hear your voice again. Just three weeks and I can be yours again._

_Just three weeks. ~Sappy_

* * *

_Fourteen days, just sixteen more. I finally saw my real dress for the first time. I even cried when I saw it... I just know you'll love it. ~Cry Baby_

* * *

_Seven days, Seven days until I'm back in your arms. These last seven days will make me want you more and more. ~Sleepless_

* * *

_Six Days until I can see my husband. Six days until I meet my groom, but you'll never believe it they're making us write our own vows... I have no idea how to do that! ~Clueless_

* * *

_Five days now I can count the days on one hand. Five days and I can feel your heart beat against mine. ~Hopeful_

* * *

_Four days left I feel like my heart wants to burst with anticipation. I miss you. ~__Impatient _

* * *

_Three days and I almost threw a vase at our lovely wedding planner. But she started it when she wouldn't shut up about Laurel, Ruthie, and Cici being such a small bridal party!~Not Guilty_

* * *

_Two days! It's been my mantra all day just two more days. ~Insane_

* * *

_Tomorrow is the day I marry you... again! But to be honest I would marry you every day of my life. I don't regret marrying you even now that I'm underneath Snow._

_Laurel got her figure back quickly and she showed me the picture you took of Katniss. She's just beautiful! I saw a family photo from Cici and surprisingly her son did look like it's father._

_I miss you every moment I'm away Our wedding planner has informed me that she will not see me the day of the wedding thank god! I wrote my vows finally I mean every word of them. I'll keep them near me always._

_I'll be the best wife I know how to be. I know we are already married but I don't care! The world can now see me love my husband more than these vows could ever express._

_Tomorrow is the day the day I get to remember what you feel like. I'll love you forever Haymitch and hope that I will always love you like I do now._

_I miss you every moment of every day. Soon that'll end, soon I'll get to see your face and know that you're real. I'll be waiting for you. _

_Although I think that will actually be you. If that's the case I'll come to you. _

_'Soon it won't be just pretend, Soon a happy ending. Love, can you hear me? If you're near me, sing your song sure and strong and soon.'_

_I love you Haymitch. ~ Forever yours Mrs. Abernathy_

* * *

**_Yes I did use a song from Thumbelina called soon... Don't jugde me!_**


	34. Chapter 34 Breathe

I wake up to my heavy breathing. I'll finally see him again I have to swallow my excitement so I don't scream and wake up Laurel, Cici, or Ruthie.

We all opted to share a room and with Laurel and Cici being new mothers they were wanted to catch up on their sleep.

It takes everything I have to haul myself up and out of bed. I walk into the bathroom and sit on the floor am I scared? Why should I be? I was married long before today.

Oh wait I know President Snow wants me to start getting ready for the arrival of a little one.

That will happen when hell freezes over. I will not be having a baby anytime soon and Laurel has helped me make sure of that.

Hence my fear disobeying the Capitol means hell later on. But today I get to see my husband again. The moment I stand up I hear the girls wake up.

I walk into my bed room and great them we make small talk until my prep team comes in. Half way through my make over two of them are bawling. I don't have the concentration to comfort them I can barely tell myself to keep breathing.

When they have bound my hair so tightly to my head I can feel it pulse the put light makeup on my face.

I look up and See Avedis beaming at me. "Hello Darling"

"Hi" He kisses my cheeks. "Let's fix this mess shall we?" He motioned to my hair and I allowed him to pull it all out. My straight hair now flows freely at my sides.

"It might just be as long as your veil" He laughed lightly clipping back a few strands to keep it out of my face.

The he pulls out my perfect dress. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It has a sweetheart neckline with crystals sewn on in a triangle lining the top of the dress.

The rouged fabric hugs my figure and is very forgiving. It flows down into a mermaid with the lace the fabric creating an elegant design.

I glide into it, "It's one of a kind just like you." He laughs lightly, "Of course it won't for long. Everyone will be dying to wear it by the time the cameras get a good look at you."

Oh yes this is a widely broadcasted event it's playing in every home in the Capitol and on the streets of Twelve. Though it is not required to watch Snow thought that it would be good to show the Capitols generosity.

Avedis picks up a very long veil and it is as long as my hair. He places it perfectly over my head.

"My little love bird" He hugs me one last time before taking my hand and leading me out to the car waiting to take my bridesmaid and I to the venue.

"I'll be there waiting to give you your flowers." He promises as the car door closes.

"You look beautiful Noelle" Ruthie takes my hand.

"Thanks Ruthie" I hug her for a long while partly out of fear.

"Hey it's okay, you have already done the hard part." Ruthie smiles at me.

"Thank you" I sigh, "Thank you all for coming" They all nod, I don't think they understand what this means to me.

We reach the large mansion and I'm informed that every guest is present. Four hundred people and I only know a measly one hundred of them.

I step inside and for a quick second I doubt myself I question what the hell I'm doing? It finally hits me the surreal aspect of today. I have to go over the vows I've written I skim my mind for anything at all any reason why I should be freaked out like I am.

"... Noelle?" I look up and see Cici, "You okay?" I realize now I completely stopped in my tracks.

"... Yeah" I breathe walking in through the main hallway making my way to the large garden where the ceremony will be held.

I see Avedis and my father standing side by side waiting for me.

"Daddy" I whisper letting him hold me. I need my father right now he knows that everything will be okay and that is what I need to know. I need to know that everything will be okay.

Music starts up and Ruthie makes her way out.

"You can do this princess." He whispers in my ear. "You already have." He laughs and I pull away. Cici follows soon after.

"Here Noelle" Avedis hands me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. They match the blue and gold theme but I hardly look at them as Laurel leaves our presence. "Come on now."

Avedis loops my father's arm through mine. "Good luck." He smiles before adjusting my veil in the back along with my hair.

Soon the music changes and I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. Just breathe and don't pass out I tell myself.

The doors open and I melt into a smile. Haymitch is standing not ten feet in front of me. Our eyes lock, I want to run to him but I don't, I walk calmly to him.

He's dress up just as I am, and right now he's my prince here to save me from the prison of the Capitol.

I reach him and his hands slips into mine, they're warm and soft. The officiate begins with some speech that I can very proudly say I didn't hear a word of.

I was lost in his eyes his smile. Our mutual, genuine happiness is distracting.

Then Haymitch starts to speak, "I remember getting that phone call telling me to write our vows. My first thought was, 'What? Why does it matter? I don't think I can do that!' but then I thought about you.

"I thought about your smile, you hair. I remembered our kisses, holding your hand. Then I knew that this was my chance.

"My chance to express in words what you mean to me. I could only think of one word though, everything. You are my everything.

"You mean everything to me. You love more then you hate. You never give up. You are the brightest light in District Twelve so they say. If that's true then you are my sun, because you make my life worth it.

"I don't need to promise you I'll always love you through thick and thin because you already know that. You know everything about me."

I smile as he slips a ring on my finger. I look up knowing it's my turn.

"Three weeks was all it took to fall in love with you. I thought I was crazy to fall in love so fast. I told myself that it was just an infatuation... But I was wrong.

"You made me see that time does not control love. Nothing controls love only a heart. It can make us do crazy stupid things.

"You've seen me do those crazy stupid things. You never left my side and I could never ask for anything more.

"I never thought I would ever find someone I love like I love you. I'm glad that it is you. I'm elated I get to spend every day of my life with you.

"Love and life go hand in hand and now so do we." I smile and slip a ring on his finger. It's over finally! Well alright the reception a week long honeymoon and then it's over.

We are finally, after almost a year, allowed to kiss. I didn't pull away for what felt like glorious years.

When we did we walked out of the garden and were ushered for photos.

After three hours of poses we finally go up stairs to fix ourselves up for the reception. Avedis pulls my hair back into a loose elegant bun before switching my veil out for a tiara.

I'm escorted by him down to the hall right outside the enormous ball room.

When I arrive I'm met by none other than President Snow.

"Hello Mrs. Abernathy" When he says my new name I shudder. It sounds vile coming from him. "Congratulations on your big day."

"Thank you sir." I nod curtly. Thank god Haymitch approaches and kisses me passionately before the conversation can press further.

The only way we are brought back into reality is when we hear the president chuckle quietly. We pull away but now that he's here I feel assured.

"Well, you best be getting in there" He smiles a fiendish smile before disappearing into the ball room.

We look at each other with amused grins before walking in ourselves. We are greeted with loud cheers and we are rushed to the dance floor for our first dance.

_What day is it and in what month this clock never seemed so alive. I can't keep up, and I can't back down I've been losing so much time. Cause it's you and me and all ofthe people with nothing to do. Nothing to lose and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't take my eyes off of you._

_What of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words you've got my head spinning I don't know where to go from here. Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do. Nothing to lose and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't take my eyes off of you._

_There's something about you now that I can't quite figure out. Everything she does is beautiful. Everything she does is right. Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do. Nothing to lose and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't take my eyes off of you._

_What day is it and in what month this clock never seemed so alive._

We can't help but laugh every now and then at each other at the silliness of this whole wedding. But I love him and he loves me that makes everything right in the world.

They have us do several other 'events' I'll call them. They have me chuck the bouquet into a sea of unmarried women for god knows what reason.

They have us smash cake into each other's faces. They have unending speeches that drone on and on.

Eventually I am ushered out onto an empty dance floor and placed on a chair. Haymitch is informed of something and is blushing madly when he reaches me.

"Now for the garter toss " An announcer bellows and everyone applauds. Before I know what hit me Haymitch has stuck his head under my dress.

Wait what the? His hands trace my legs up to my right thigh.

He bites the skin playfully and I slap his back out of instinct causing the whole room to erupt in laughter. I feel him laughing under my skirt.

Is this really part of wedding tradition in the Capitol? If so thank god I live in District Twelve.

He bites me again this time grabbing the elastic lace ring around my leg... That must be the garter. He pulls it slowly down my leg and eventually gets it completely off.

I applaud him and bring him down to my lips.

They make him throw the garter before letting me have him back.

The end of the night finally arrives and before we are allowed to leave a wedding coordinator hands us doves.

"Why?" I ask the man.

"You'll release them when you get outside." He scurries off and I look to Haymitch.

"They're so weird!" He laughs at me before the large doors open and we release our birds.

I watch them fly high into the sky, free. I smile and bring him to my lips. We kiss until we are pelted with rice!

What the fuck are they throwing rice? It doesn't matter we run through the shower of rice and get into the car that will take us to our honeymoon.

Thank god we're alone well, I know that's not completely true. And that's why I kiss him with a fiery passion. I'm burning for his affection.

"Do. You. Think. We. Should" He gasps between my kisses.

"Yeah" I say pulling back, just feeling his breath lets me know that he is really here.

He engulfs me in an embrace his warmth floods every pore of my skin. An undoubted sense of want is present as we pull into our hotel. We check in and the first thing we see when we get in the room you ask? Lingerie and I can't help but laugh.

"What?" He asks playfully.

"I'll be right back." I slip away to the bathroom wash off my makeup. As I lean over the sink I feel my dress slowly unzip and a warm kiss plants on my shoulder. I turn around and meet his lips.

"Wait" I scold lightly.

"It's hard"

"I know." I run my hands through his hair before he leaves. My dress falls right off me as soon as he's gone.

I quickly change into the long thin material graciously left by the hotel staff.

I step out and see Haymitch stripping off his shirt.

"Awe that's supposed to be me" I smile seductively.

He laughs before picking me up and roughly kissing me pushing me up against a wall. "Are you sure?" He whispers as I wrap my legs around his torso.

"Yes" I kiss his temple knowing exactly what he means, "Laurel got me birth control" I whisper so quietly I don't even know if he heard me.

He must have because he kisses me with a powerful sense of freedom. He slips the fabric off of me and just as we are both under the covers we hear a knock on the door.

My eyes grow and we stop immediately. I scramble to grab a blanket and I sprint to the door. My hair is falling out and I am a mess.

I crack the door and President Snow is standing there with a bottle of Champagne.

"Oh-... um..." I clutch the blanket for dear life. It's all that separates Snow and me now.

"Just a little gift." He holds out the bottle and I have half a mind to throw the bottle at him and slam the door.

I take it thank him and close the door. I turn around and Haymitch is laughing so hard he's not making any noise.

"Oh hush." I laugh

"What do we do with it?" I won't drink it. So I instead I pop the corks and drench the floor.

"Star where we left off." And that's just what we did.

* * *

_No more detail no more! Alright kids I'm doing pretty well I think. What do you think? The song is called you and me by lifehouse._


	35. Chapter 35 Angels

The morning after we are left a note saying that we are needed for an interview with Caesar. We quickly get ready running late we reach the studio.

We talk about the wedding for a good solid hour before children come up.

"So can we say that there's a little one in your future?"

"Someday" I answer firmly. "I mean I would like one. "

"Really? I want ten" Haymitch jokes.

"Try to get five and you'll end up with no dick in the morning." I say forgetting my place Caesar laughs at our banter.

After rousing haughty laughter Haymitch moves uncomfortably "She could do it" He mumbles causing more laughter.

"I want three or four."

"I want them all to look like you."

"I want them to act like neither of us."

"Why?"

"Because I'm painfully blunt and you are ignorant."

"... Your right let's have them not be like us" I think we've just decided to have children... We'll talk.

"You two decided on a time frame yet?" Caesar laughs.

"Well this is the first time we've ever even thought about children so we'll get back to you on that" I say and the rest of the interview goes by quickly. We are then left alone for the rest of our honeymoon.

We reach our room and I'm the first to speak.

"Did you mean that?"

"What?"

"Kids?" He's silent, "don't think about them." I say seeing him puzzled. "Do you want a baby?"

"Not now... But someday" He chooses his words carefully. I smile at the thought, he wants my baby. Holy crap we both **want **a baby.

I smile and turn on some music before getting into the shower. I step in letting the warm water blankets me and soon after a new warmth surrounds me.

I laugh to myself as he puts his head on my shoulder. "Now?" I laugh.

"Why not?" I remember something he said in the interview, 'we aren't teenagers anymore. We aren't like sex crazed teens! We're sex crazed twenty year olds.

* * *

Once I'm clean and dressed I step out of the bathroom, to see Haymitch laying on our bed ready to sleep. I hear the music to a new song begin and I turn it up so I can sing with it.

_"I was walking home from school on a cold winter day. I took a short cut through the woods and I lost my way. It was getting late and I was scared and alone. But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home."_ I sit right in front of Haymitch smiling sweetly.

_"Mama couldn't see him oh but he was standing there and I knew in my heart he was the answer to my prayers. " _He sits up and sits me on his lap.

_"Oh I believe there are angels among us sent down to us from somewhere up above. They come to you and me in our darkest hour, to show us how to live to teach us how to give. To guide us with a light of love." _I wrap my arms around his neck.

_"When life held troubled times and had me down on my knees there's always someone to come along and comfort me. A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand a phone call from a friend just to say I understand." _He kisses my cheek.

_"And ani't kind of funny at the dark end of a road someone lies awake with just a single ray of hope?_

_" Oh I believe there are angels among us sent down to us from somewhere up above they come to you and me in our darkest hour, to show us how to live to teach us how to give. To guide us with a light of love."_ I start to rock back and forth with the rhythm of the song.

_"They wear so many faces that show up in the strangest places to grace us with their mercy in our time of need." _

_"Oh I believe there are angels among us sent down to us from somewhere up above they come to you and me in our darkest hour, to show us how to live to teach us how to give. To guide us with a light of love."_

_"To guide us with a light of love." _I kiss him kindly once before he speaks.

"Do you believe that?" He sighs looking into my eyes, "Do you believe in angels?"

I smile at him, "I have to, because one is sitting right in front of me." I kiss his neck and a warm smile creeps on his face.

I lift the blanket up and slide under it. Haymitch follows close behind me wrapping his arms around my waist. For the first time in a year we sleep side by side in a calm planned matter. Not the rushed unwanted sleep that comes after sex, but the kind that is effortlessly amazing.

* * *

After an eternity away from Twelve I'm finally back. A cool crisp autumn wind greets us.

Hand in hand we walk all the way through the Seam and into the Everdeen house. I knock slightly on the decaying door and Laurel hugs me tightly.

"Welcome home." She pulls back revealing little Katniss in her arms.

"Thank you" I smile.

"Katniss we have visitors" She coos at the little girl who looks thoroughly unamused.

"Hi there" I giggle at the little girl. "You're a little cutie aren't you?"

"She's been having a rough day." Laurel lifts Katniss into a more comfortable position "She wants to crawl everywhere. But she's still too small. Right Katniss? Your still mommies baby." The little girl slightly smiled as her mother bounced her. "You want to hold her?"

"Oh I-" Before I can answer She's transferring Katniss into my arms. The little girls grey eyes look into mine and she cracks a smile. "Well hello Katniss" I give her my index finger to play with. Her tiny hands take my finger and suck on it.

"Aw" Laurel laughs. I feel bad just leaving Haymitch there but after ten minutes we make our way home.

There we speak again, "I've been think" I say, "Snow really wants us to have a baby."

"Yes"

"I'm going to buy a test make a really big show about it and leak some fake story about a miscarriage that we can say is true."

"Seems like a plan." He kisses my cheek, "you sure that you don't want to just have a baby?"

"I don't know are you ready for a baby?"

"... So we lost a baby" He laughs.

We execute our plan well though Snow knows I was never having a baby. We manage to evade the public eye as more Victors join us.

I don't think about having a baby anymore really or at least I didn't...

One morning in March two years after our marriage I'm really sick. It's four in the morning and my stomach has decided to make itself as tiny as possible.

I don't fly out of bed I stay still until the pain is unbearable. I quietly race to the bathroom, my discomfort doesn't leave even as everything in my stomach does.

For a whole two hours I'm planted on the balls of my feet emptying all the sickness inside me. Until finally I'm able to lean against the wall.

I hear Haymitch stirring in our bedroom as a fresh wave of pain over takes me. I turn back to continue the painful retching . After a few moments I feel Haymitch pull my hair back. What the fuck is happening to me?

This goes on for half an hour and when my breath finally settles he takes a seat behind me rubbing my back soothingly. "You okay?"

The moment he asks I feel half anger half pain, I shake my head causing my world to spin violently.

"Do you need anything?"

"Death?" I shiver as I hold back more vomit. It's a failed attempt. Again I'm sick about four times. I'm shaking violently, my heart is racing, I'm crying, my throat burns, and I'm exhausted.

I lean against him hoping that he doesn't catch whatever I have. He sighs as I slowly try and drift into sleep as I do I hear him muttering to himself, "No fever... eight o'clock..." I'm out cold before I can hear anything else.

When I wake up I'm laying in our bed and Haymitch is nowhere to be found. My stomach has settled but I'm still sweating. I'm scared that moving will cause the pain to come back.

I look over to a clock on the wall. It's three in the afternoon. I'm too fatigued to move. I fade in and out of sleep for a long while.

I wake up for the sixth time at five thirty and see Haymitch standing at the door. I don't say anything but he comes over to me.

He sits on our bed and pulls me to his arms. "No I don't want you to get-" I sigh before I can finish my sentence.

"I'm not worried" He sighs and reaches into his back pocket, "Well I am but not about that... Here" He hands me a plastic bag.

"Um..."

"Inside..." He chuckles at himself. I unwrap the bag and pull out a pregnancy test. I look at it and then at him. "Just check." He kisses my head and I go to the bathroom.

Five minutes!? The fuck? I read the instructions and it doesn't fail me to be the single most exotic idea I have personally ever heard of.

I follow the instructions "Haymitch what time is it?"

"Five thirty six!"

"Tell me when it's five forty one!" I shout and soon I wait in a heavy silence. I can't have a baby! Snow will parade it around like it's a doll a cheap doll and when he's done he'll throw it away.

Do I even want a baby? Does Haymitch? How are we going to parent this child? I have to mentor children to kill in two months I can't be sick and moody!

I can't be pregnant I can't be! Well at least I'd better not be... What will Snow do to her or him?

I'm terrified and I don't even know if I'm having the thing. I stand up and begin to pace. This is the longest five minutes of my life...

I can't be... Can I? Do I want to be? Well I wouldn't mind I guess.

To think that there may be a little person inside me right now that looks like an alien and is smaller than my thumb is scary... anything and I mean anything could kill it!

"Love?"

"Yeah?" I ask wearily.

"It's-" I sigh and snatch the test without looking. I walk out to our room, " Well?"

"I'm scared... I can't" I sigh and crawl into our bed next to him. "I can't look." He puts an arm around me and kisses me.

"We can look together." He assures me, taking the hand holding the test and flipping it over so we can look at it.

My eyes snap shut. I can't look, but I know. When his hand finds its way down to my stomach I know. He's putting his hand where our baby is growing.

* * *

_So that's that, the song used here is called 'Angels Among Us'_

_On another note since this story may soon be coming to an end I have a question to ask yu all I'm going to be making a poll for what story I should do next tellme which one you think would be best so there are three._

_1 is an AU where Someone else volunteers for Prim but there is a reason why, she has a certain wish she wants to carry out._

_2 Is a one shot about a Capitol child watching it's first hunger games._

_3 is Katniss finds all the letters for the quarter quells and reads them all with Haymitch and Peeta. I would take a few user submitted quells for this one._

_So vote for your favorite and I'll most likely do it. Okay I'm done bye!_


	36. Chapter 36 A Living Nightmare

Oh my god... I'm pregnant. How the... I open my eyes mid thought and see the bold plus sing that means that there is in fact a baby on the way.

"Oh my god" I sigh near tears. This can't be happening it just can't.

"It's alright." He says softly "We can do this Love everything will be okay." I start to cry and he brings me to his chest.

"You know what they'll do to it, you know they'll" I gasp as I cry.

"I won't let them. I won't let them hurt you or the baby"

"How? You can't protect it from the games or-or"

"Shh." He comforts me, "That's why I joined the rebellion."

"What?" I gasp pulling back, "You did what?"

"They won't hurt you or our baby I promise Love. I joined them so we could have a brighter future."

"Are you insane?"

"To some degree" He laughs but I am furious.

"This isn't a game! I'm... And this..."

" I know but I want to protect you"

"You think this will help?"

"I did it before all this Love. During your first year mentoring."

"But-"

"Calm down"

"Calm down! I don't want to calm down! I just found out I'm pregnant and now this!"

"I know it's a lot"

"No you don't know Haymitch you're not in my shoes right now! How can you be so reckless?"

"I want what's best-"

"What's best? How is this best?"

"Look your tired and emotionally drained."

"Yeah I am and you're not helping!" I stand up. "I'll be downstairs tonight!" I storm out of our bed room and curl up on the couch in our living room.

I'm pregnant and Haymitch is in a rebellion. And then a new thought comes to mind. My mother.

She told me not to come back until I was expecting. Oh my god I can go home... But it's his baby too. What do I do?

Do I stay and have the baby here? Do I go home? This is too much far too much! I'm too far in this complex world. I just don't know what to do anymore. I start to cry now.

What the fuck should I do!? What's best? Nothing is best. This though continues to haunt me as I drift off into restless sleep.

Finally at midnight I sit up having made my decision.

I walk through the Seam, the darkness conceals me well. My hands rest protectively where my baby is. The dark cold spring night begins to whip my skin. I continue on my way. The moment I reach the river I sigh, "For you little one"

I jump into the cold harsh water and instantly feel the warmth as I regain my siren form. I swim off faster than ever. A sense of overwhelming freedom runs through me, and I'm surprised that my journey only takes me half a day.

I reach our domain and I first see my sisters and mother perched on the rocks. I Reach the surface and call out to them.

"Mother! Sisters! I'm home!" They all turn and dive into the water to greet me.

"Lassa!" They all jump on to me.

"girls be careful" Mother makes her way to me. "That is if..." I nod and smile at them all.

"Little Lassa's having a baby!" Nadia cheers Kyla gasps as they all embrace me again. My sisters my family! I'm home... So why doesn't it feel like home?

Each and every one of my sisters pat my flat stomach. "Oh Lassa!" Talise takes my hand "It's been so hard all these years without you"

Yara leads us all back to the rocks. "None of us conceived the night of the raid."

"But we did make quite a story" Maren complements the girls.

"Not as big a show I made," I smile laying my hands again over my baby.

"Oh tell us everything!" Vailea smiles. "What was it like being human?"

"It was a wonderful tragedy. Oh it was horrible the things they would do to one another! If you had seen!

"I've seen countless people die and just fade away from the rest of the world. But then there were people that made living worth it.

"I met so many wonderful people there! I... I even fell in love."

"You did what Lassa?" Mother questions me.

"I-... I fell in love. Mother if you were just to meet him, just to see him!"

"You mated with a human before?"

"Well... I wasn't pregnant mother"

"Were you trying to be?" I'm silent "Lassa, you know that love only leads to-"

"Loss mother? But we love one another!"

"And some day maybe not soon we will leave this earth. But we are a family Lassa. What were you thinking falling love?"

"But mother you don't understand. Humans thrive on hope and love"

"Yes and the humans-"

"You don't know them mother! I know them I've lived with them for twenty years I know them"

"You are not human Lassa!"

"But mother I-"

"No Lassa, maybe someday you'll understand our kind cannot love theirs"

"Then... Maybe I'm not part of our kind any more mother"

"Non-sense"

"No mother! Maybe I've had my killer beaten out of me!"

"Humans feed our killer instinct Lassa!"

"But maybe... just maybe I'm one of them now. Maybe mother but I know I love him. And he deserves to know his child."

"Lassa are you saying...?"

"Yes" I sigh I've just given up my family... for him and for our baby.

"Then leave us!" Mother shouts, "Leave us and never return!"

"With pleasure!" I shout diving into the sea and shooting through the water. At least I got to say good bye. I realize that I'm crying which make me swim faster.

It's now late in the evening. My return can now be cloaked by darkness.

I slip my way through the Seam but I stop as soon as I see Laurels house.

I knock on the door and Ralph answers, "Noelle! Oh thank god!"

"I was here, alright if anyone asks, I was hiding here because I wanted to avoid conflict with my husband. If he asked whether or not I was here and Laurel said no she was covering for me and if he checked the house I was out walking around. Am I clear?"

"Yeah, yeah, just hug me you little dumby." He smiles "Laurel she's here!"

"Thank goodness" Laurel runs into my arms. "I have half a mind to kill you!"

"I love you too" I smile.

"Where were you?" I tell her my cover story which she gladly listen to but persists. "I will tell whoever asks that. Now tell me where were you?"

"I was... In the woods but you will not be telling Haymitch am I clear?"

"I will kill you!" She sighs, "You can't be this stupid!"

"Excuse me? I came back"

"So what we were all worried sick and Haymitch looked like he was going to kill himself."

"... That might be because I'm pregnant" I mumble and shamefully look up at Laurel.

"I will kill you" She sighs sitting down.

"I'll kill him" Ralph laughs and I laugh to.

"Do you know what danger you could have been in? Do you know what kind of stress you might have put on your baby?"

"Laurel, I'm fine. But I think I have to go home before Haymitch calls everyone we know to tell them I'm missing. I'll come by tomorrow okay?"

"Fine" She smiles at me and hugs me, "Your having a baby!"

"I am. Night guys" It's now midnight I've been gone a whole day and the exhaustion finally kicks in from the quick speed. It took so long to get here to the districts but swimming to and from was easier now that we knew the route.

I head out of their cozy home and start on my way home. How am I going to get out of this one?

I reach our home and the door is unlocked surprise, surprise. I walk in and I hear Haymitch talking to someone.

"So she's been missing for twenty four hours?"

"Yes" I hear his distressed tone.

"Nope!" I shout entering the dining room. "Haymitch can't I be pissed at you avoid you completely all day and not have you call Peacekeepers?"

"Thank god!" He squeezes me tightly and I comfort him.

"You guys can leave now" I say to the two Peacekeepers. "Thanks I guess but we can settle our little argument" I wait to say anything until I hear the front door latch. "Come with me!" I say angrily storming up the stairs.

"You don't get to be angry! I've spent all day looking for you!"

"Yes when you know full well I can take care of myself!"

"It's not just you anymore!" We fly into our bed room. "I promised I wouldn't let anyone hurt you or the baby! Why won't you let me?"

I start to cry I gave up my family for him but I can't tell him that, maybe someday but not now. I'm mad and tired and I don't want to think. "I don't want to lose either of you." He sits on the bed next to me.

"Don't you dare put yourself in trouble because I swear on my life that this baby will have a father." I start to cry harder, which is what my life is becoming, harder.

"Hey look at me" He says softer and as I do more tears come, "I'm not going anywhere. Now I can't say the same for you apparently."

"Not now!" I'm genuinely angry that he's laughing, I just gave up my family to be with you!

"Please just don't do anything stupid."

"Shut up!" I really want to hit him as hard as physically possible. "I'm not in the mood right now!"

He finally sees my real genuine anger."Okay we can talk more tomorrow alright?"

"... Alright" I sigh and stand up to sleep on the couch again.

"No" he takes my hand and doesn't let go. "Here"

"I'm still mad at you!"

"I know" I stands up and takes me in his arms. "Don't make me lock you up here"

I huff in defeat and without changing crawl into bed. When did real life turn into a living nightmare?

* * *

_Right at about the moment your lovely mother decided to make you human, Hun! Just a quick reminder the poll is posted and I finally figured out how to get it to show up on my profile so check it out if you like any of my ideas! Thanks again lovely readers!_


	37. Chapter 37 A Bad Feeling

I lay in the dark with Haymitch silently sleeping by my side. I don't sleep I can't really. It hasn't quite sunk in yet that I have lost my mother and sisters forever.

I thought that life couldn't be harder but I realize that this baby is part of me and therefore a siren by blood. That means she won't breathe when she's born, which means they will think she's dead.

I have to find a way to make her human.

I fall into a quite thirty minute nap before waking up again this time sick.

I can't slip soundlessly to the bathroom and I accidentally kick Haymitch in mid flight. I don't bother to turn on the lights as I'm to disoriented by pain and sickness.

I'm just grateful I don't throw up on the floor. The lights come on blinding me and I know Haymitch is there. He's calm for it being I don't know four in the morning.

He walks over to me and puts his hands over mine to loosen my grip. "I hate this" I gasp trying to hold back tears.

"It won't last forever" He whispers knowing if he says he understands he'll be brutally punished.

There must be a god because the pain fleets from my body. I allow myself to fall back onto the wall and I refuse to look at him.

"You couldn't do that to me"

"Excuse me?" He sits down next to me.

"How could you just tell me that your life is in danger when I found out?"

"My life isn't in danger"

"But it is, Haymitch. It was too much, far too much. I couldn't... I still can't." Proper words are not forming, I have too much to say too much to feel.

He wraps his arms around me, "I know, I could have picked better timing I guess. But the facts are what they are. We can't change them now."

I sigh quietly and he knows I've forgiven him. "Haymitch?"

"Hmm?"

"There's really a tinny human inside me isn't there?" I adjust myself to look into his eyes. He smiles at me as if it's the silliest thing I've ever said.

"Yeah" He nods.

I look down at my still flat stomach and slowly lift my shirt up. "Hi there little one... I know you probably can't hear me right now but I'm sorry mommy and daddy have been yelling so much. " I place my hand over my baby, "We're just trying to do what's best for you, that's what we'll always be doing from now on."

I hear Haymitch chuckling at me, "Just know that normally daddy's wrong"

"Hey!" He nudges me playfully. I smile and take his hand placing it under mine.

"But it doesn't matter who's wrong and who's right, because no matter what we do to make fools of ourselves we love you."

"We don't make fools of ourselves that often."

"Oh but we do" I get up and kiss him. "Come on let's go to bed." I say standing up he gets on his knees and quickly kisses our baby, before standing up and taking my hand.

And somehow again I don't know how we managed to keep her a secret for the few months we had before the games.

Though I don't have much and I can cover her up while we are in the Capitol I don't know how long it will take Snow to find out. Maybe he already knows.

I dress quickly as we head out to the reaping. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" Haymitch asks for what must be the umpteenth time.

"I'm never okay there, but it hopefully won't be to different" I reply as I always do. That's the last of the topic on our way to the reaping of the sixty first annual Hunger Games. Joy, I greet our new escort who goes by the name Rovany, She is very peculiar having tattooed ears that are cut to look like rings and her arms are tattooed to look like they are covered in gems.

I sit through another reaping. I'm just glad that none of the people I know are related to these tributes.

We get on the train, in our sad routine making our way to the capitol to watch children fight to the death.

I'm almost fourteen weeks now it's becoming really weird for me, now that I can see the slight bump where she is. Now that I really know she's there... To be honest it's kind of freaky.

She's there I can feel her and now I can sort of see her.

"How long do you think it'll be?" I ask Haymitch when we are preparing for bed.

"Soon, "

"Do you think he knows now?"

"Probably"

"Fantastic." I roll over to one side as Haymitch switches the light off. He slithers up behind me and hesitantly places his hands over my almost unnoticeable bump.

He's still cautious no matter how many times I say it's okay. It's fine with me, I'd rather him be cautious they bold right now.

It can't have been longer than ten minutes when the phone in our room begins to ring. "Should we even answer it?" I sit up, "I mean we know who's calling"

"Answer it"

"Phone calls never really work out in my favor remember"

"It'll just keep ringing" I roll my eyes and pick it up.

"Hello?" I ask warily.

"Hello Mrs. Abernathy, it's President Snow"

"Hi..."

"I believe congratulations are in order"

"Thank you sir"

"I'll be at the train station tomorrow you will come with me before going to the remake center."

"Oh but I-"

"No excuses now"

I-"

"See you tomorrow" I hear the click signaling the end of the conversation.

"Son of a bitch" I huff before hanging up the phone.

"What's the damage?"

"I have to meet with him tomorrow"

"You want me to come with you?"

"Don't bother, he won't let you anyway" I get back into a comfortable position and fall soundly asleep.

The next day when I get off the train I'm shocked to find that I am escorted instead of kidnapped. That counts as a win.

I'm taken to a car and escorted to the President's office. I step inside and I'm almost knocked clear off my feet. The distinct scent of roses over powers me.

"Please take a seat" I obey and he turns to face me. "Now you don't have to be shy about the baby"

I look down at my shirt that hides her well. "I'm fine thank you"

"We have a few things to discuss I do believe"

"Sir?"

"Well telling everyone, for one thing. Everyone has been anxiously awaiting for you two announce your pregnancy. Then of course there's the matter of health care-"

"Okay, um" I cut him off infuriated at him as usual "I'm having a baby"

"Yes?"

"Me, I'm having it. As in I'm going to be walking around with a parasite inside me for nine months until I push it painfully out of me. I'm having the baby, so I will decide how I'm having it.

"I will not be going to any Capitol doctors while I'm here, I will not have my baby in the Capitol. I will not be paraded around like some kind of prize.

"I'm having him or her in my own home with no cameras and no one but my healer and my husband. I will not be bringing him or her to the Capitol once he or she is born" If I were so over come with my emotions I might have felt fear for my boldness.

"You forget Mrs. Abernathy that I made him."

"Excuse me?"

"Your son was created all out of my own doing."

"No sir... Your wrong, my baby was made out of love and it will be no different when it's born"

"I see your hormones are beginning to get the better of you." He chuckles and now I could just slap him, "Please don't worry yourself too much Mrs. Abernathy, your son will be just fine." He calls for a glass of water and I am not comfortable at all.

"Why do you think it's a boy?" I ask as he comes around his desk.

"Because that's what the people want" He places his hand on my stomach and it takes all my will power to not cut his hand off.

"I think it's a girl." I say defiantly

"Well hope your wrong then." He says as he hands me a glass of water. I sip it as he speaks, "Now don't get too worked up everyone will just love hearing that you are expecting."

"What is it that you want?"

"You'll see as we go along."

"But-"

"I can see why you would be wary but not to worry, he's in safe hands"

"Yeah mine" I stand up "Are we done here sir?"

"For now, you may go. Oh and Mrs. Abernathy" I turn to look at him, "You might want to be careful we wouldn't want anything to ruin you sons life now would we?" I glare at him,

"No sir" I leave the room and I almost bolt out to the car and over to the remake center.

* * *

_Sorry this is a tad bit late but don't get mad at me I'll have two or three chapters up tomorrow to make up for it! Let's see if I can finish this story before school starts shall we?_


	38. Chapter 38 The First of Three

Watching those kids go through the Chariot ride was pretty damned painful. But no more so than it is every year. I'm exhausted when we get back to the training center.

Even though it's eight o'clock I head off to be without eating it worries Haymitch slightly. I get to our room and don't even bother with a shower. I change and glide under the covers instantly falling asleep.

* * *

I'm shocked to see how big my little girl has gotten now that it's almost time to deliver her of course. But I'm scared here in the Capitol, I refused to give birth here.

I sit in the darkness with the only comfort of placing my hand over my stomach. My little girl is in there.

"But not for long" I hear a cruel sick voice break the icy silence. I look up and see President Snow standing above me. "It's time to have your son Noelle"

I look back down and I see liquid surround my knees. My eyes grow wide and I stand up abruptly. Too quickly clearly because a contraction sweeps over me. Making me grip my stomach in pain.

I bite down on my cheek to keep from screaming. President Snow puts his own hand over the baby laughing at me. "Where is he?" I whisper trying to edge away the pain.

"He's on his way to the hospital like we are"

"I hate you" The pain dies away slowly.

"That's the labor talking" He snickers at me leading me out to a car. I don't like being in a car alone with the president. Thankfully a contraction hits again I cringe as his hand again rests over my baby.

The hospital seems to suddenly appear and I don't even remember getting out of the car and into the wheelchair.

There are cameras with them come lots and lots of flashes. I feel like an attraction at a petting zoo and Snow is my gate keeper.

He wheels me into a room where I find the one and only Caesar. A Capitol nurse helps me into my bed and pain comes flooding back. It's unbearable, I grip the blankets for dear life.

"Everyone is just so excited to welcome your son " Snow circles my bed.

"So can we confirm that it's a boy?" Caesar asks and I now notice a camera man standing in the corner filming me.

"Not yet!" I gasp in-between the pain, "Where's Haymitch" I breathe out finally as the pain leaves again.

"He's on his way" The nurse comes back in as another contraction sweeps over me.

"Do you want the epidural? It's not in your chart." She asks in a sweet horrifying voice.

"No! Leave me the fuck alone!" I cry out as my little girl squirms inside me. I'm sorry sweetie, I think hoping she can hear me, I'm doing my best. When daddy gets here everything will be okay.

She settles down and I can too finally. "Noelle, are you excited to become a mother?" Caesar asks.

"I'm not becoming a mother today" I almost shout as fear settles inside me, "I'm not having her here. I'm not I can't I-." I scream, as pain now overcomes me and I smack my lips together.

"It's all a bit overwhelming." President Snow pats my white hand, "But when you meet your son it will be all worth it." His voice is sly and unnerving.

"Shut the fuck up!" I manage to spit out gripping the blanket again.

"Maybe you should take the epidural you are rather wound up." He laughs. I feel tears welling up as the pain passes leaving me sweating and red faced.

"Have picked out a name yet?" Caesar persists.

I can't think I don't know, did I? Does it matter? Why are my contractions so close together also?

Just as the thought settles in my brain a contraction hits.

"Nurse!"I hear Caesar call out. Now I can feel a very prominent sense of fear and heavy tears stream down my cheeks.

"Congratulations your ten centimeters dilated" The overly peppy nurse announces. "That means it's time to have a baby! I'll just go get the doctor"

"No!" I shout, "I'm not having my baby until Haymitch is here" I grip the blankets and I'm sure my face blanches.

"I'm sorry Noelle" The nurse comes and stands by my bed, "But your becoming a mother right now"

"That's not fucking terrifying or anything!" I shout as more intense pain shoots through my spine. "I can't! I can't do this without him"

"I'm sorry looks like we're going to have to do" Snow smiles slyly.

"I'll go get the doctor!" The nurse claps giddily.

"Where in hell is my husband?" I cry out.

"I suppose he was held up"

"Fuck that I'm in labor! Tell me when he'll be here."

"It could be hours-" Caesar starts.

"Then I'll wait!" I shout those are my final words on the matter.

I gasp as the doctor walks in. My eyes are snapped shut, trying to not let the pain over come me entirely.

As I slowly open my eyes I see his lips move but I don't listen to him. I need Haymitch here I won't just have our baby without him I can't!

"Noelle you have to push!" I finally hear the doctor.

"No! I won't I need Haymitch here. I need him!" I scream as another contraction hits stronger than ever.

"Noelle I know it's scary but you have to, the baby is coming and-"

"I'm not having this baby until it's father is here."

"The health of you and your baby are at risk here Noelle"

"I won't" I start crying uncontrollably.

"Noelle" Caesar takes my blood deprived hand, "What do you think Haymitch wants you to do?"

"I don't give a fuck about what he wants. I'm the one having the baby and I need him here"

"He's not going to be here in time Noelle you have to have the baby" The doctor cuts in.

"Are you drunk or deaf? I can't fucking tell which one! I'm not having this baby until my husband is here! That's final!"

"Noelle, you have-"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I scream as the pain becomes constant. You are not going to be born until I say so, I think, not until daddy comes.

"May I speak with you, doctor?" President Snow asks pulling him out of my room.

"Noelle, this baby is coming." Caesar pats my shoulder I whimper in pain, "You and your baby's life are at stake. You'll see him after the baby's born."

I shake my head violently I don't think he knows this but I've just agreed to having my baby right here right now.

"Noelle?"

"Don't stand there like a fucking idiot get this baby out of me!" I yell making it known that there will indeed be a baby born today. He wrangles his hand free of my grip and runs out into the hallway.

I can't wait for him I just can't. I begin to use my sanity and hold back ever urge to push I have.

The camera man walks forward to get a good shot of my reddened sweating face. "I swear to god if you want to keep your dick where it is you will stay in that corner!" He coils back to the wall and the doctor comes back in.

"Noelle I'm going to ask you one more time to push, if you don't we'll have to take certain measures that-"

"Get this damned baby out of my body right this second before I change my god damned mind!" I pound the bed trying my very hardest to stop crying.

The doctor doesn't hesitate the moment the words have flown out of my mouth. I scream, and I scream, and I scream some more.

I don't feel capable of anything else at the moment. I feel like my body is being torn into different parts.

I'm clutching the sheets so hard I tear them. I swear to god this doctor has said one more push at least seven times.

"Noelle" I hear the doctor speak up, "If the baby doesn't come out on this next push we'll have to get you into surgery."

I hardly listen my heart is racing and I'm hardly breathing. I give this last push everything I have. I suddenly feel the pain flee from my body, "It's a girl!" I hear the doctor announce. My eyes flutter open briefly in just enough time to see Snow shake his head in dissatisfaction.

"She's not breathing!" I hear the doctors shouting. My baby is a siren she needs water. But soon she isn't the only one not breathing as I slip out of life's painful clutches and into the cool welcoming ones of death.

Now I can see, my spirit left my body and there is now madness running through the delivery room. My sweet baby girl she's dead and now so am I. But why am I still here? I move through the room but as I do time flies by and I see Haymitch learning about my death.

He cries and cries over my body. I can't bear to see him like this. but when I blink I see my funeral and as my body disappears into the ground I see Haymitch downing liquor.

I watch Haymitch slowly but surely drink his way through life. I watch him scream at night angry, futile screams.

Now I know I've been condemned to a life in hell. My punishment? Watching the man I love suffer through his pitiful excuse of a life.

He doesn't cry instead he drinks, and drinks heavily. When I see Katniss the adorable little girl I once knew reaped my heart shatters.

Watching her kill as expertly as she does is the most difficult thing I have ever witnessed. That and watching Haymitch drown himself in a mixture of brandy and whisky.

He doesn't care anymore about himself or anything. I watch him drink to put the past behind him, but really all that the drink does is make him wallow in it forever.

He doesn't care he doesn't have anything to care about. I watch him fight a war for god's sake but I've got to hand it to him he stayed sober for the majority of it.

I watch him make it back to district twelve and I watch him go through his routine of drink, pass out, and drink some more.

One day Katniss enters his house with a young man named Peeta. "Haymitch we have something we want to tell you." Peeta smiles widely.

"Well go on" Haymitch snarls drowsily.

"I'm having a baby Haymitch" Katniss says with an almost mustered affection. I can see the hate or maybe it's fear settling in his eyes.

"Get out the hell of my house." He grumbles taking another swig of liquor.

"Excuse me? Haymitch this is a good thing!" Peeta laughs

"For you maybe! But for me-" He cuts himself off. "You probably shouldn't talk to me as long as you're like that Sweetheart."

"Fine!" She shouts and storms out of the house with a very worried Peeta trailing behind her.

As soon as their gone Haymitch starts to cry steady frightened tears. He throws his bottle of liquor to the wall shattering it.

He sits there and cries for what must be days. "I'm sorry Noelle" He whispers to himself standing up and going to Katniss and Peeta's home right across the street.

"Haymitch..." Peeta answers the door "What are you doing here?"

"Come with me boy, bring Sweetheart if you want" He turns around and slowly makes his way down the stairs of their porch.

"Um... Katniss!" Peeta calls as he follows Haymitch over to my house. Katniss runs over and joins him.

Haymitch kicks the door of my home... Our old home open. "Let me give you a grand tour shall I?" He becomes sarcastic and sour turning on the lights.

"Haymitch what is this?" Katniss asks.

"The grand hall of course!"

"Are you drunk?" She asks.

"Over here is the living room." He opens the door and the first thing I see is picture of us together.

"Haymitch who is that?" Peeta asks picking up a picture.

"That there is my late wife and I kissing. You do know what that is don't you? You must considering you got her knocked up"

"Late wife?" Katniss asks.

"Come on plenty more to see!" He bounds out and all through the down stairs. He tells them about me and my games.

He tells them about my life after the games.

"She was friends with my parents?" Katniss asks as they make their way up the stairs.

"Sweetheart, she was your fathers good friend and your mothers best friend."

"They reach all the rooms except one. "Before we go in there I have to show you one last space!" He laughs airily.

He shows them our bedroom and their confused looks don't waver. "And now for the grand finally!" He bursts through the door he at first ignored to reveal our daughters nursery.

"Be careful now I built this so it may not be to stable!" He joked.

"Haymitch what is all of this? What happened to Noelle?" Peeta asked as Katniss went straight to a photo of me.

"Well boy..." His smile fades and he takes a deep breath, "Peeta... She was pregnant. I built this for our daughter... Well she was convinced it was a girl. Snow thought it was a boy but anyway.

"The Capitol took her kept her as a trophy. I wasn't allowed to see her until the birth of our baby."

"That sucks ass" Katniss genuinely sighs in anger at the Capitol.

"Yep... Well she started to have the baby, but refused to push until I was there." His eyes became misty. "They threatened to take her to surgery, so she gave in..."

"What happened?"

"She lost the baby... and in the process herself too" I saw only stray tears fall down his face. "You might not want to talk to me while you're like that sweetheart" He sighs making his way out of the nursery. "You can stay as long as you want... Just leave the door unlocked."

With that he leaves, when he enters his house he grabs a bottle of brandy and pretty much chugs the whole thing in a matter of minutes.

As he does he cries freely, he screams and cries in pain.

As I watch in terror out of the corner of my eye I see a little seam boy approach me.

I turn and see Barnard standing next to me, "Barnard?"

"He's going where only good dreams do" He smiles at me and we face Haymitch.

Suddenly against my will I begin to sing with Barnard, _"She put him out like a burning end of a midnight cigarette, She broke his heart he spent his whole life trying to forget. _

_"We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time but he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind until the night..._

_"He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger. And finally drank away her memory. Life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength he had to get up off his knees._

_"We found him with his face down in the pillow with a note that said, I'll love her till I die._

_"And when we buried him beneath the willow the angels sang a whisky lullaby._

_"La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. _

_"La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la." _As we sing we narrate exactly what happens Katniss and Peeta find him dead the next morning and bury him right next to me.

Barnard leaves me and now I can mourn alone. I start to cry as I finish the song, "_The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself. _

_"For years and years she tried to hide the whisky on her breath. She finally drank her pain away a little at a time but she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind until the night..._

_"She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger and finally drank away his memory life is short but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees._

_"We found her with her face down in the pillow clinging to his picture for dear life._

_"We laid her next to him beneath the willow. While the angels sang a whisky lullaby_

_" La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la._

_" La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la." _I solemnly sing to our gaves. I curl up next to his and cry.

I cry so hard I'm afraid I can't breathe but then again what's the point I am dead after all.

I cry and cry until I hear the soft wind rustle and it almost sounds like a melody. "_The first of three is not as simple as it seems, two more tortures as it were two more left in three." _It says to me confusing and dumbfounding me.

Until I slowly slip back into consciousness.

* * *

_You didn't really think I wouldn't keep my promis did you? Did you like me screwing with her brain like that? The song is called, 'Whisky lullaby' By the way! :D_


	39. Chapter 39 The Second of Three

I wake up with a start, My eyes snap open and I feel soft warm breath on my shoulder... Haymitch.

He's alive... and I'm alive.

Oh thank god! It's been three hours since I went to bed. I let my hand fall on my tiny little bulge where my little girl is resting.

I stifle my tears long enough so I can make it into the bathroom. There I splash cold water on my face and look into the mirror.

I stand back and observe my small growing stomach I rub her gently. "I won't let those things happen sweetie. I promise"

I sigh and slip back into bed and to my surprise quickly fall asleep.

* * *

Suddenly it seems I've gone back in time. To the moment where I said goodbye to my mother and sisters forever. Only something is different.

"Lassa are you saying...?"

"I don't know" I sigh, "I'm so confused by their ways mother!"

"It's alright dear" She brings me to a hug, "I know it's scary to be having a baby"

"Mother-"

"Lassa" She takes my chin and gently lifts my head to look her in the eye, "I know what it's like to want to love your baby's father but you have us Lassa" She smiles warmly.

"Thank you mother" I hug her in acceptance. I'm going to now be living with my mother and sisters. This baby, my little girl... She'll be the part of Haymitch I need.

Several months pass by mother doesn't let me go very far now that I'm with child. My sisters fondly coo at my ever expanding belly.

My mother loves to feel her granddaughter kick. I feel so weird being the only one of my sisters to have a child.

Every day I love her more and more, no matter how tired I get swimming where I used to not even unsettle my breath.

She's my daughter, she's my little girl. Mother allows me to go on a quick outing one day. I'm very far into my pregnancy now, mother thinks she'll come any day now.

I'm very excited now because Kyla and Nadia are with child as result of a recent hunt.

The two take me out to a cool cave they discovered while I was gone.

"Lassa, how did you do it?" Nadia asks. "Get through the first months?"

I rub where my little girl is kicking. "I thought of her. I pictured holding her watching her grow up."

"She'll be just as beautiful as Aunt Nadia" Nadia laughs placing her hand on my baby.

"She'll be just as smart as her aunt Kyla" Kyla places her hand over Nadia's.

"Why did it take so long do you think?" Nadia asks Kyla, "I mean the youngest and the oldest are now pregnant what about Talise, and Vailea? Yara and Maren too, they should be able to right?"

"It might have something to do with whether or not they want a baby I suppose" Kyla shrugs just as she speaks I feel my stomach twist in pain.

I don't move but I look at her quizzically, "Kyla, Nadia" I say as calmly as I'm able, "Get mother"

"Lassa what's wrong?" Nadia asks worried. suddenly my tail changes to legs.

"She's coming!" I say excited and fearful.

"Nadia stay here with Lassa, I'll go get mother!" Kyla says quickly before departing.

"Come on Lassa!" Nadia turns human as well and situates me in the warm sand so I'm close to the water when I have her. I can tell Nadia is panicking.

"Nadia!" I laugh, "Calm down" I smile at my older sister. "How are you ever going to have one of your own if this is how you act?"

She laughs "I just want my beautiful niece to be born safely."

"She will be!" I smile as my stomach twists again. I sit with Nadia as my baby comes closer and closer to coming into the world. This world at least is safe unlike the human world.

"I can't wait to meet her!" Nadia puts her hand one my swollen stomach. We both look over at the water passage that Kyla and mother emerge from.

"How is she?" Mother asks joining us.

"Which one?" I ask smiling.

"Her contractions are five minutes apart." Nadia informs and just as she does pain presents itself to me again.

"Make that four" She shrugs. Once the pain passes I'm able to smile and joke with my mother and sisters.

I feel a sharper pain now and it greets me suddenly. "Lassa?" My mother smiles, "Are you ready to become a mother?"

I nod but the persistent pain doesn't allow me to speak. I'm surprised by just how quick the birth is. Before I know what happened I see my mother holding my daughter.

My daughter! I have a little girl, mother places her in water and she begins to cry as all infants do.

"Lassa she's beautiful!" Mother sighs lovingly.

"Oh Lassa! She has the most beautiful blue eyes!" Kyla coos.

"Blue?" I ask smiling, "Grey blue or ocean blue?" I hope their grey like her fathers... Her father.

"Grey blue!" Nadia confirms. She does have some of her father.

"May I see her?" I ask anxiously.

Mother expertly cradles the little one and brings her to me. "Oh she's perfect" I sigh looking at my little girl. I kiss her head and her soft grey blue eyes search my green ones.

"Hello there Lietha" I name her quietly.

"Lietha is a perfect name Lassa" Mother smiles at her newest clan member.

She's perfect, she deserved a perfect name. I watch my little girl grow up care free and un afraid of the games.

She is a blissfully happy little girl. Nadia and Kyla had their daughters and now Lietha had someone to play with.

Now as Lietha turns six her aunt Talise and Maren have had daughters. Now right before a raid Vailea in six months into her first pregnancy and Yara is in her second.

Mother hopes that with this next raid I may become pregnant with a sister for Lietha. I am disturbed by this and not in a way I should. I don't want to have another baby unless it's with Haymitch.

Oh god thinking about Haymitch is when I have my worst days. I'm still madly in love with him, the only thing that makes me strong is knowing that I have his daughter. His blood courses through her veins.

I only wish she could have met her father.

I reluctantly leave my daughter as I head out with mother, Kyla, Nadia, Talise, and Maren. I can't help but feel selfish. My little girl is happy and free of a prejudice world and yet I want to live with Haymitch.

I want to hold him and kiss him.

"Lassa!" Maren nudges me, "come on were surfacing"

We reach the stray boat and we begin our song. Creating harmonies and a lovely tune.

We climb onto the sip and begin our job. I pick an older strong fellow to seduce.

As he nears me, he grows familiar. The closer he comes to my song the more I feel like I should know him until I do remember, he's Layton's brother.

My friend in the arena, my companion, the only boy I regretfully killed. Layton the nice boy who smiled more than I did.

I drop my curse and suddenly I can only think of one thing, What am I doing? Senselessly killing? I'm no better than the Capitol. That's when the breeze picks up "_The second of three is gone as clearly you can see. But though it may be half, all is not as it should be."_ I look to the midnight sky desperate for an answer.

And then it's right in front of me, my sweet child is a killer even in a world free of the games.

* * *

_If something seems fishy around here just know that **water** comes from **snow**_ ;D _that was really bad and I apologize._


	40. Chapter 40 The Third of Three

I wake up scared, I really can't win right no can I? At least here she has a chance of not being a killer.

All of these dreams are tied into this little girl. My fears for her, I'm terrified to sleep, I don't want to know what the third thing is.

I look at the clock, this dream was two hours. How long will the next be? What will the next hold?

Well why don't I find out? I think suddenly as I drift off into sleep.

* * *

I'm back home, it seems that I've again gone back in time, "I won't let them hurt you or the baby"

"I can't do this" I choke out, "I can't!"

"It will be alright" He sooths.

"I want an abortion..." Before I can think the words are out of my mouth. He's silent and my whole body shakes violently. He doesn't want me to do this but I have to. I get out of his grip and begin to wander through the streets.

I cry and cry an endless stream of tears. I'm almost back to my home when I just stop completely and I bawl uncontrollably.

I see my front door open and slam shut I don't think much of it but continue to cry. Once my breath finally settles I look up and see Haymitch looming over me. I feel like I've done something horrible.

I feel like I should apologize because he looks so angry but then I realize he's drunk. "Haymitch" I whisper.

"You want an abortion? I'll give it to you!" He shouts griping my shirt and throwing me across the street. The asphalt cracks as I hit it.

"Haymitch!" I scream as my head begins to bleed. He lifts me by the collar of my shirt and repeatedly punches my stomach until it begins to bleed as well.

My baby... she's dead. "There!" He shouts throwing me back onto the ground. I round myself into a ball trying to save her.

I cry just as I had my whole walk. I hear him storm back into our house. I don't dare move until the sun rises. I shakily sigh and stand up.

It hurts to walk so I limp pathetically back into our home. I open the door and see Haymitch cupping his face in his hands, clearly hung over.

I close the door behind me and he begins to look up at me. I take a seat next to him neither of us say anything for a long time and he is the first to speak, "... It was worth it" He whispers before cupping his face again.

I close my tired bloodshot eyes and sigh shakily. "_Three of three it's over now but only to return. Three is done but just for now three more left to see." _I hear the rattle of the wind against the house.

What? I think, Only to return?

* * *

I wake up with a heavy sense of fatigue. I could never have done that to her. I could have never had an abortion. At the very thought I begin to cry.

I see Haymitch's sleeping figure and I wrap my arms around him. I cry softly into his back its two in the morning. I'm too scared to sleep. I so afraid I could be sick.

I won't let any of those things happen to her. I love her already. I can't kill her, or go become a killer again.

I'm most terrified of leaving Haymitch. I could never do that to him. I couldn't watch him die over and over again. That was even scarier than watching him kill our daughter.

I feel him shift in my arms and I sort of hope he's still asleep... No such luck. He flips over and meets my face.

"Love? It's two in the morning." He can't tell that I'm crying yet, "Go back to sleep okay?" I shake my head violently. I can't, I refuse.

He reaches around and turns on a lamp. The light doesn't even bother me it doesn't startle me or anything. When he turns around he sees my tear stained face.

"What's wrong?" He asks now worried. He puts his arms around me holding me close to his live beating heart.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it!" I say without thinking my body still feels like it's in that dream. "Didn't want that and I didn't want to leave you." I sob heavily, I want to apologize for dying, for leaving him for my family, and for asking to kill our baby.

"Shh its okay"

"But it's not I shouldn't have said those things. I shouldn't have done them" I'm apologizing to both him and the baby "I love you both too much I could never-"

"What happened?" I shudder at the thought of reliving those awful dreams. "Tell me"

I describe only the first for now. I tell him about how I waited for him but the Capitol kept him from me, I tell him that I lost the baby and died along the way.

"But the worst part was watching you drink your way through the rest of your life." I finally settle my breath and calm my tears.

"First off, I would never let them separate us especially now. My baby is in there and I won't let them hurt either of my girls." He kisses my forehead "Second if Snow ever tried to keep me from seeing my child born he would be dead. " He comfortingly rubs my arm. "Are you okay now?"

"There's more" I choke back tears, "so much more."

"This isn't like you Love. You were never afraid like this before."

"I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is that I'm too scared to face my fears."

"You won't face them alone. What else happened?"

I describe my third dream but at the end I add on, "But I would never do that. I could never get rid of our baby. Never! But they seemed so real. These dreams they were far to real and the petrify me."

He's silent at first, "Love I could never-"

"I know!" I cry again, "I know it was just-"

"Look at me," He turns my head and I now see the full extent of the hurt that wasn't in his tone. "I could never hurt you or our baby. I never could and I never will be able to.

"You don't have to be afraid. I won't let Snow keep us away, I won't let either of you die, and I most certainly won't hurt you"

I take him in my arms I still won't sleep but knowing this world is the real one makes me relax.

"Let's get back to sleep now." He will pretty much force me to do so now. He turns the lights turn off and we settle back in bed. He puts his arms around me almost protectively. I stare at the wall for a few hours just thinking.

Thinking about my baby, thinking that I won't let any of those things happen to her. At six thirty I get up and shower.

The warm water makes me shiver violently. This world is real, sadly and thankfully. Once I'm dressed I find only tightly fitted clothes. but thankfully I still have a jacket that covers her.

I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes look tired. I am emotionally wasted. I take a seat on the edge of our bed Haymitch is still asleep as he should be.

I take a deep breath and slip my jacket off. I walk out into the hallway and make my way to the dining room.

I start to eat slowly and almost morbidly. As I eat I realize that I haven't eaten since I got off the train yesterday.

I force food down my throat knowing I have to feed her otherwise I wouldn't have even come here.

Our two tributes join me and I'm able to inform them of the tasks ahead. I look up and see Haymitch enter the dining room but I continue telling them about the training.

They both decide to go down to training together. "Where is Rovany do you think?" I ask sitting down in the living room and bringing a pillow to my chest.

"Don't know don't care. Just thankful she's not here" He sits next to me "When'd you get up this morning?"

Hmm... How should I answer this? I'm to tired to think of a good lie right now. "Did you even sleep after we talked?"

"Nope" I sigh "I couldn't" He doesn't say anything I know he's mad that I didn't but how could I? After those dreams. They were painfully real, excruciatingly real.

We look over as we hear the elevator open. A peacekeeper comes out "The President wishes to speak with you Mrs. Abernathy"

I look down at my feet contemplating saying no. Instead I take Haymitch's hand "Only if he comes with me" I say firmly.

"The president requested that he only see you." The peacekeeper says nervously.

"Well if it's about what I think he wants to talk about then he needs to come." I take his hand and lead him to the elevator. The peacekeeper nervously gives in and takes us to see Snow.

We reach the area he's in and I grip Haymitch's hand for dear life. "Well hello Mrs. Abernathy" Snow greets us with his back turned, "How are you this fine morning?"

"Alright"

"Did your dreams treat you well?" He seems to jeer me and suddenly I have the most insane thought... Did he make me dream those things?

The water maybe? Oh my god that's what happened? "Do they ever?" I finally respond.

He chuckles at my response "I figured you would still be reluctant to negotiate. Here's what will happen, you will go to any and all events I plan during your pregnancy. You will see a doctor once a month. And your child will be born in the Capitol."

"Over my dead body!" I shout, "I will walk back to District Twelve if I have to." He chuckles again, "It's cute that you think I'm kidding"

"Now Mrs. Abernathy" He turns around and now sees Haymitch, "and Mr. Abernathy... You see I'm just concerned about the health of your son"

"Alright for one thing we don't know if it's a boy and second women have babies all the time in district twelve. I'll be no different and I'll make certain of that!

"I will not be giving birth here but I'm willing to compromise, by coming and giving an interview once every two months"

"You are very rash Mrs. Abernathy, must be the hormones"

"Take it or leave it, the only other offer I have is to bring a picture next year." I stand up and look Snow in the eye.

"Very well Mrs. Abernathy I'll grant your wish" He laughs at me, "Seeing as you're in a very fragile state at the moment."I scowl at him now completely enraged. "I don't know how you handle her Mr. Abernathy it must take talent." Alright now I want to kill him. "Goodbye"

I take the liberty of dragging Haymitch out of the room and down to greet the other mentors for lunch.

"Well I officially hate that man" I huff.

"At least you don't have to stay here." He slides his arm around my waist.

"I guess" I shrug as we reach the hall. I greet all of my friends who are now getting the chance to see my little secret.

I see Cici and I join her, "No I'm not just getting fat" I joke with her.

"Oh you're so screwed"

I know what she means and I laugh, "Why do you think I'm late?"

"What happened?"

"I did a lot of yelling and it was weird I actually got my way"

"You're still screwed"

"How?"

"Just watch your back... He can do anything to you and your baby"

"Will do" I say nodding and I most certainly will.

* * *

_I applaud myself for finishing this! God forty chapters I can't believe it, thank you so much for being dedicated readers I won't disappoint!_


	41. Chapter 41 Butterflys

Every night the dreams came back, they always seemed so real. It was so hard to attempt to seem alright for Haymitch. I have to try right? The games are finally over and now I have to tell the Capitol about the baby.

I really don't want to! Avedis is already so excited about her arrival that he's made maternity clothes for me, and little onies. My prep team acts like a bunch of children squealing about it.

Avedis finally comes in "Oh Noelle! " He sighs "you'll love this, it will show off your little baby bump perfectly!" God how I hate the term baby bump.

He slips me into a form fitted light green straight dress that makes me look pregnant. For the first time since I found out I really look pregnant.

He of course just gushes over the outfit and me. I'm taken to Caesars studio where the other mentors are waiting.

Haymitch is going right before me. He gets on the stage and is forced to discuss the games, they talk about the games for only a short while.

His fifteen minutes is almost over when Caesar asks, "So Haymitch have you and Noelle decided on a timeline for having a baby yet. I mean you've been married for three years man. " Caesar starts joking with him and I can see a gleam in Haymitch's eye.

"We have actually"

"So how long do we have to wait until you two love birds get a visit from the stork?"

"I'd say six months" He laughs.

"So in six months I expect her pregnant okay!" Caesar laughs as he dismisses Haymitch. "Next we have his lovely wife Noelle, can we give her a warm welcome?"

Everyone applauds courteously until I come out, my hands placed gingerly over my little one. Caesars face is priceless. He stands up and gives me a hug. As the noise dies down Caesar begins.

"Wow!"

"He said six months!" I laugh at him.

"I thought he meant to **get** you pregnant!" He smiles his signature smile I roll my eyes playfully, "How far along are you?"

"Three almost four months"

"How could you just keep a big old secret like that from me?"

"You never call" I laugh.

We banter for awhile longer he asks me about names, the gender, he asks me about a nursery, plans for delivery.

I'm so thankful that my time on his talk show and in the Capitol is done. We practically bolt to the train. Once on the train I go straight to our room and take this damned dress off.

I change into something more comfortable and Haymitch joins me. "What are you laughing at?"

"I liked the dress showed off the baby"

"Yes well, I'd rather not look like I have half a bowling ball attached to me" He stands up and puts his hands on the baby tentatively. "Haymitch"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to be scared it's your baby too you know" I smile and place his hand firmly on our baby. Just as I place his hands I feel a strange flutter run across our hands. "What the-"

"Love, that's the baby" He laughs at me but then it seems like he's laughing at himself. I look at him with a face of my own shock. She can move, holy fuck she's real!

"Whoa..."

Haymitch chuckles a bit, "Nice to meet you too."

"Laurel says that when you can feel it the baby can hear you" He looks up at me confused, "Do you wanna talk to the baby Haymitch?" I roll my eyes and ask him.

He suddenly seems very timid. I take his hand and lead him to the bed. "It's you baby too Haymitch she just so happens to be living inside me for the moment." I laugh and bunch up my shirt and he again puts his hand in the exact spot where the flutter occurs again. "I think she knows who daddy is"

"So are we just going to assume it's a girl?"

"Yes" I laugh.

"Alright then" He rolls his eyes at me, "Hi there little one, you're getting mommy and daddy into a lot of trouble." He can clearly see me roll my eyes. "But it will be all worth it when we meet you. We'll love you whatever gender you are.

"And no matter what we love you. I promise that I'll protect you as well as I'm able." He kisses right where his hand was. I pull my shirt down.

"We're going to be awesome parents" I smile and kiss him, not the sweet one second kisses we have shared since we found out that I'm pregnant. But passionate kisses that I missed for the past four months.

* * *

When we get home the first thing that I do is go visit Laurel. Katniss now being old enough to walk toddles around the small living room. I tell Laurel about the never ending cycle of horrifying nightmares.

When I tell her that I think it was president Snows doing she makes a quick antidote to cancel out any nightmares I may have.

"Thank you so much Laurel" I say for what must be the sixth time.

"Not a problem. How've you been though?" Just as she asks I feel the flutter of my baby and my hands fly down to my stomach. "What?"

"The baby moved again" I smile at her. She puts her tools down and places her hands lightly on my stomach. The baby moves several times while her hands are there. She laughs at me.

"I remember when I first felt Katniss move." She returns to her work, "I was convinced it would be a boy. Then out pops a beautiful little girl." She shakes her head in reminiscing "Ralph had to finally come up with the name Katniss. But I couldn't have asked for a better little girl." She smiles fondly at the living room.

"How old is she now three?"

"Almost four. In fact I've already got her a present"

"Pray tell"

"She may soon have a little brother or sister... But her daddy doesn't know either so."

"Laurel!" I squeal giddily.

"You really are pregnant aren't you?"

"The baby moving gave it away didn't it?"

"Well don't tell anyone like you did at your wedding!" She finishes making my medicine and packages it up.

"I won't" I laugh as she hands it to me.

"Mama! Mama!" Katniss bounds into the kitchen "Up!" She squeaks and holds out her tiny little arms for Laurel to lift her.

"Hi, Katniss" Laurel lifts her into her arms.

"Mama, daddy said he's gonna teach me to swim for my birthday!"

"Did he now?" Laurel asks cautiously.

"Yeah and I saw a butterfly!" She giggles. I laugh too imagining that someday this scene could be shared between me and my daughter.

"Oh I've got to go" I say realizing how late in the evening it is. "I've still got to get to the bakery" I hug Laurel and make my way through town When I open the door to the bakery I see an adorable little boy playing on the floor.

He has pale blonde hair but that might be because he looks like he took a dive head first into a bucket of flour.

When the little bell dings he looks up at me with bright blue eyes and smiles broadly. "Mama! Mama!" He calls.

"I'll be there in a minute Peeta!" A woman shouts.

"Well hi there" I smile down at him.

"Hi ma'am!" He waves at me, "I'm Peeta!"

"I'm Noelle" I don't know what it is but I think being pregnant has made children that much cuter. "How are you?"

"I'm happy! My birthday's in three days." He unknowingly holds up four fingers instead of three.

"Congratulations, how old will you be?"

"Four"

"That's a big number" He nods excitedly at my words.

"Almost a whole hand!" I can't help but laugh at him. He's going to be a bit older than little Katniss, who's birthday is in two weeks.

"Happy early birthday Peeta" He blushes and giggles madly.

"What is it Peeta?" A woman steps out from the back of the bakery.

"A customer!" He points to me.

"Hi" I smile and ask for my usual order. As she works I look back at Peeta, "He's adorable" I say to the woman.

"Thank you. He's my youngest that one." She says proudly. "Peeta go help your father really quick alright?" The boy nods obediently and runs through a door. I laugh at his awkward toddle. "They seem even cuter when you're pregnant right?" She asks ringing up my order.

"Pretty much" I smile politely as I pay her the correct amount. "Thank you" I say heading out the door.

I get home and have a normal evening. That night I take what Laurel gave me and for the first time in months I sleep soundly and dreamlessly.

* * *

_I did it! Hoorah!_


	42. Chapter 42 Lost the Battle Won the War

I soon grew to hate my agreement with Snow. In just two months I've grown almost exponentially. The baby kicks everything, I'm always tired and the only person who has yet to piss me off is Laurel.

Who knew that being five months pregnant was hell? To top it all off you ask, Caesar calls every day. Every fucking day to ask for updates on the baby. I really don't enjoy being so plainly bitchy.

I feel so sorry every time I want to blow up at Haymitch but honestly he did do this to me.

We are back in the Capitol for a week. I feel like I'm planning my wedding all over again with all that Snow has planned for us.

He has interviews, banquets, and an assorted number of events that I really don't want to go to! Leaving will be the high light of this trip.

It's the first full day here and we are going to some grand opening for something I really didn't pay any attention to. Hell all I have to do is stand there and smile anyway.

We are escorted to an after party of some sort where at least a hundred people I don't know have come up to me and tried to feel the baby kick.

I laugh because she's asleep and not giving them what they want. I am officially a petting zoo animal that everyone wants to touch.

Women fawn over me and I cannot stand any of it! They come up to me squealing and giggling asking me about the gender and the nursery. Some of them almost command me to stop walking around because I'll quote on quote 'tire the little one out'.

I want them to just fuck off. The worst part is this is only the beginning.

The next day President Snow invites us to diner with him. Let me tell you this one is interesting.

We get to his house which I know very well and we are ushered into a large dining hall. As we enter five people are standing next to Snow waiting to greet us, and I'm not so sure that these people are servants.

"Mr. and Mrs. Abernathy I would like you to meet my family" He gestures to the three women and two boys. "This is my wife Kellen" The oldest woman steps forward and takes my hand. "My oldest son Clarence" The tallest boy nods, "The next oldest Matteen" The next boy smiles, "My oldest daughter Vanika" A peculiarly pretty girl curtsies "My daughter Lalia" the shortest girl curtsies, "And my youngest Eulalie" The last girl nods slightly.

Holy shit he has a family!? I feel pity for those poor children.

We take a seat and a large meal is served to us. Kellen doesn't waste any time, "Noelle, how far along are you again?"

"Five almost six months" I reply placing my hand where she's kicking.

"Have you picked out a name yet?"

"Well no but-"

"Oh how about the nursery?"

"No we-"

"My god Noelle, you have three months left until he comes!"

"I-... He? Why does everyone but me think it's a boy?"

"Oh honey you don't know the gender yet? Well I must take you to my old gynecologist, you will just love her."

"Oh we were planning on keeping it a surprise" I smile politely, man this woman is cheery and really fucking pushy too!

"Well then how are you going to know what clothes to buy and what color to paint the nursery?"

"Well we were-"

"But I do love a good surprise! Don't you Cornelius?"

"I prefer to be in the know"

"Oh yes you must know everything all the time now don't you?"

"I am the president"

"Oh hush " She laughs the most obnoxious laugh I have ever heard. "How do you plan to deliver? a water birth? I don't suggest it after I had my first one, ugh!"

"We were just planning a home birth"

"No epidural? Well you are one brave woman, I didn't even think twice. With my second son I had a c-section and it was the best decision." The way she talks about having her children makes it seem like it wasn't anything special to her.

I eat very little, she's kicking my ribs making it incredibly difficult to breathe. I stop paying any attention to this woman because she kept kicking me.

"Noelle?" I hear a hushed whisper.

"Hmm?" I look up and see it was Haymitch who spoke up.

"You alright?"

"She's kicking everything again" I laugh.

He smiles affectionately before tuning back into the conversation.

I try to keep talking but I don't think she likes this woman any more than me.

I put my hand on top of my round stomach and whisper, "Stop kicking me there" She is stubborn though and as soon as I answer one of Kellen's pestering questions she kicks me harder.

I lurch forward slightly but everyone seems to notice. "Oh! He kicked didn't he!" Kellen stands up and places her hands on my stomach.

"It's kicking my ribs" I tell her knowing that she'll stand there until she feels her there.

"I remember when I was pregnant my first daughter always kicked my ribs and my kidneys " She goes on and on. I'm so tempted to ask her to please shut the fuck up.

Do you remember what I said earlier? Leaving is always the best part.

The next day I'm awoken by my prep team, "What are you all doing here?" I ask just now realizing Haymitch is nowhere to be found.

"You have a brunch to get to!" They yank me out of bed and put my hair up. Constantly feeling my stomach which doesn't help make the situation better.

Avedis comes in and shows me a pastel blue dress that again makes me look incredibly pregnant. "Avedis?" I ask suddenly.

"Yes?"

"Do you think I'm having a boy or a girl?" my real question is, 'Am I crazy because everyone thinks I'm having a boy?!'

"I hope it's a girl, I'm one of the few though. I would love to make her little dresses!" He laughs and I can't fight a smile.

"Then I'm not the only one" I look down.

"Come on we can't be late now can we?"

"No sir" I laugh following him out to a car. We arrive at a garden area and he leads me out of the car and through a walkway.

"Surprise!" I hear which makes me jump. It's a baby shower, a blue, frilly, flowery baby shower that I really don't want.

It's a just god awful experience they have strange games, and activities which are extremely difficult to do if you are pregnant. Everyone seems to have free rein to feel the baby whenever they want.

These women have gone crazy with estrogen, I don't feel like I'm one of them.

There are so many gifts that I feel like I can't accept. Every article of clothing I pull out a woman presses it up to my stomach to see if it 'fits'.

God Capitol women are creepy. Kellen came in fact the whole party was her doing. She was determined to talk to me until my ears bled. If it weren't for the fact that I was technically the main focus of the party I would have left.

Leaving is truly a cherished moment for me. "Well Kellen I have to go now thank you so much for the shower it was perfect" I lie plainly and hug her neck with little to no affection.

"You're welcome Noelle, and you too little one" She coos one last time at my stomach before letting me leave.

I get into the car and Haymitch is sitting there waiting for me, "I officially hate women." I laugh a little.

"Couldn't have been that bad"

"They made me play games, and Snows wife clung to my stomach the whole time."

"... So that's kind of creepy." He laughs, "Snow took me and a few Game makers to a strip club"

"Why?... It's like we're getting married all over again" I shake my head disapprovingly.

"I don't know, but if you thought the games were scarring try watching Snow get a lap dance" He shutters at the thought. I vomit internally, oh the images that will never ever fade!

"Oh you poor soul." I laugh slightly. "We are not enjoying this at all." I sigh in discontent.

"We are sure as hell fighting a losing battle."

"That may be true but we've already won the war."

"How?"

"We get to go home in four days."

"We've only been here for three days? Oh god it feels like a year!"

"No complaining until you've been here for a year!" I laugh.

The next three days can be wrapped up pretty quickly. We had an interview with Caesar which although was two hours was almost pleasant. After we went to dinner with him and that too was surprisingly pleasant.

The day after we were forced to go and experience some charity event for the orphans of the Capitol. Let me tell you if you want to spend three hours of your life feeling extremely uncomfortable, and feeling like a bad person because your only thought is, 'poverty is worse in the districts' That was THE place to be.

Kellen took me to work out which was hell on earth. She took me to some strange gym and made me do something called Lamaze I really don't care it was a lot more of child birth than I ever wanted to know.

Now it's our last day and these crazy people are making us take pictures for some magazine. We arrive and Avedis takes me into may dressing room. "So honey their taking some pictures of you alone first"

"Fantastic" I say trying to get to the point.

"Well... You see the thing is..."

"Yes? "

"They want they to be nude." Oh god, what the fuck.

"Didn't they get enough of that from my games? I mean for god's sake!"

"Now I know your uncomfortable but they probably won't use them"

I think every cuss word that is in existence. At least I can use my hair to semi-cover myself. I step out and take the immorally degrading photos before slipping into something that makes my pregnancy fully known.

After the pictures are taken Haymitch and I board a train and haul ass out of the Capitol. I told him about the pictures he laughed until he found out I was serious then he was mad. He told me he was mad at them and not me.

He better not have been mad at me it wasn't my fault! But in the end we won the war and now we're going home.

* * *

_Hey guys so um... I start my first day of high school tomorrow! I'm so excited but that means updates will be wonky. I think I'll be updating Saturdays from now on I just want to tell you guys so no one freaked. Thanks again._


	43. Chapter 43 Home or Hell

Home almost never seemed so amazing sleeping in our own bed. But something is different.

"Haymitch" I say softly one early morning he wakes up early now. Ever since I ran off he was lightly running his hand across my six and a half month pregnant stomach.

"Yes?"

"What are we going to do about a nursery?" I ask. I had been thinking about it a lot since we got back from the Capitol. It was an honest question.

"I don't know" He replied.

"I want to paint it purple" I say chuckling lightly.

"Purple?"

"Yes purple"

"Alright what if it's a boy?"

"Purple can go for both" I laugh at him.

"Darker purple then?"

"Sure" I smile "Let's go make a nursery" I stand up and get fresh clothes on before we make our way to the store.

We picked out a dark purple that Haymitch thought was appropriate for a boy or a girl. He decided to go home and get a head start on the painting and moving furniture. I made my way over to the furniture store where I shopped for a dresser and crib.

I'm not sure I like baby shopping it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like everyone's judging me which they always are anyway and it really shouldn't matter.

I don't like how awkward I feel doing this I begin to talk to Lorrain.

"Oh Noelle!" She comes out from a back room "There was something sent to you from the Capitol." My heart sinks to my stomach.

"I don't want it" I say without thinking.

" I don't think you have a choice," She sighs, "It's a crib and a changing table."

"Sell it to someone else" I say calmly.

"I can't their sending to your house."

" Do you have matches?"

"No you're not burning it" She laughs. "What else do you need?" I tell her pay her and I head out through town. I go to the seam, I pass by Laurel and Ralph's home. I pass all the shacks unfortunate people call homes.

I find myself in front the electric fence. Maybe I'm over reacting but I don't want my child to be subject to the Capitols tyranny. I don't want her to sleep in a crib that Snow has given me. I don't want her to know how horrifying sick and twisted this world is.

I want to protect her with all that I have but I'm not allowed. I never have been allowed even if I hadn't been in the games even if I didn't live in the districts she would still be a killer she would still live in hell.

This is what pushes me to tears, the fact that no matter what I do or try she won't have a bright future, no matter what she will know that this world is horrid and that in this hell we call life you will never be free.

I crumble to my knees my heart broken, my soul torn to shreds. My hands lay over my little girl she won't be safe when she is born, she will never be safe. No one in this world is safe, not little Katniss and her little brother or sister, not my father, not Laurel, not Ralph, not my baby.

I practical pry myself off the ground and I have to force myself to walk away. Maybe if we lived in a perfect world one where we wouldn't have to be afraid of every move we make.

Maybe in a world where freedom was law and death was terrifying because the world was so wonderful. Maybe in a world where life was full of choices and free of fear. Maybe then I would feel overwhelming joy for the upcoming birth of my child instead of overwhelming dread and fear.

Maybe but that's not the case, I have to live here and I have to want death over life. I have to be afraid of every muscle I move and every word I breathe. I have no choices and this world is certainly not wonderful.

I keep losing sight of the real world, I keep not seeing what I need and want to see. I need and want to see the real world but I keep imagining a free world. A world where no one is hurt where my baby girl is safe.

I feel myself trudge into my house. The images grow strong I see a little girl with a jumper and pigtails running though the grass. But I feel something cold and hard against my face and body. But there she is I swear when she turns around her green eyes and blushing face smile wider.

I hear screams I swear I do but I know they aren't from her. She runs to me and dances around me showing me flowers and her broad smile. The sun must have risen because it's warm now. She throws herself into my arms and buries her face in my breast.

But then the screams I thought I heard grow silent. I don't know where they came from and I don't know if I should care.

This little girl jumps from my arms to dance again and suddenly hums a tune unknown to me. Her pigtails frame her heart shaped face and her skin glows with a childish whimsy.

Now she can speak, "Mommy!" She squeals taking my hands.

"Hi princess" I whisper, something feels right about this. The grassy hills just suddenly appeared, beds of flowers seem endless in this place.

"Mommy! Look" She sits in my lap and points off into the distance. I swear as I looked out half the flowers rose from the ground filling the air with beauty and color. "Butterflies!" She squeals with delight.

I kiss her cheek and see the butterflies make images of all things. "Come on mommy!" She drags me to the colorful dance in the sky. There she has me lift her high above my head and toss her into the sky. She falls back into my arms and requests me to spin her.

So I do, I twirl her and she giggles as only children can. Her laugh and smile are intoxicating, I know that this is my little girl my reason to live.

My little girl will end up being this happy and this loved if it kills me. My little girl will know love, she will know truth, justice, but most of all she will know hope. She will know what it mean to have a home and to have a family. She will Damn it, she will.

* * *

_I fixed my comupter! Well okay my brother did but that's not the point I saved all my files and now I'm back! So guess what three more chapters to go till the end! And just because I love you I have another story posted tomorrow it's supper cool in my opinion. I won't tell you what it's about but it will be called dark fire! Kay loves thanks for bearin with me and I'll see you next week or tomorrow!_


	44. Chapter 44

So Hiya, I know I haven't posted on this story in forever and for that I apologize you see I sadly, got my dads army genes that require me to finish things. So I'm going to give you all the answers to what happened so I can retire this story and focus on some other works that I think are better done than this.

I mary sued the crap out of this character and I didn't realize it for forty goddamned chapters so for that I am also sorry.

So what happens is they think she's dead but she isn't Haymitch doesn't know about her being alive but Mr. Everdeen gets Noelle and her unborn child to district thirteen where she gives birth to a little boy and a little girl. Skipping over to Mockingjay she runs into Haymitch where she is shocked to see him. Haymitch tells Katniss his history with Noelle and then Noelle shows him their children.

They both fight in the war she almost dies but doesn't, they go back to District twelve after wards and live happily ever after.

So the final chapter was her looking in the mirror and cutting her fucking long ass hair down to shoulders as a sign that she has grown up and matured.

Mary sue? Yes. Poor writing style and technique? Yes. Grammar? What grammar? This was not my best work

I have other works I'd like you to look at so you can, you know, not hate me as an author.

For those of you who like humor I have a story called "Hunger Games the Musical"

For those of you who like Katniss captured by the Capitol while pregnant I have "A Little Princess"

For those of you who like Katniss captured by the Capitol not pregnant and M rated stories I have "Scream for Me"

And I just finished what I think is a good story, it's an AU called, "Darkfire"

I hope you'll check some of these out because they are a million and one times better than this. Thanks again for reading this. It really boosted my confidence and made me believe in myself to publish other works. This was really a practice round to me. So again thanks for your support. I love you with all my heart and am sorry this wasn't up to par with what I expect of myself.


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